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  1. #251
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    I just got out/am getting out of a hole.

    I was a relatively happy child till age 12, when I became a depressive.

    Never fit in with my family.

    School was always a place of solace for me.

    I would hang out with my mom, but that was just for comfort, even though she kicked my ass when I was pre-five, I didn't blame her, she was just frustrated, raising three kids on her own, having very little grasp of the English language.

    My middle sister was a sadistic, physically, and mentally manipulative boar, she was tremendously violent, and due to her temper, my mom was fearful of her and did anything to appease her.

    My father was a better father when he wasn't around, ironically, but when he became more present post- age 11, things grew evermore chaotic in my household.

    My eldest sister, who was abused the most by both my mid. sister and father became very introverted and sullen because of this, she and didn't really acknowledge my existence until I was in the fifth grade, but I always stuck up for her, and felt horribly when both my father and my other sis repeatedly treated her like shit, my mother knew deep in her heart that this was wrong, but my mom was always afraid, afraid to dissent with my father for fear of abandonment, (they were not married until I was 21), and my mom was afraid of my mid. sister's erratic and temperamental behavior, she was abusive towards everyone in my family, me, my eldest sis, and my mom.

    She and my father got along, though. (Both Ts, both have/had something inherently, i.e. genetically wrong with them).

    So, in short, I was raised with two sadists growing up.

    This, I believe facilitated my empathy, and my Fi and my emotional sensitivity in general.

    So much flagrant injustice I saw/witnessed/was victim to growing up, it made me sick, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, you name it.

    Every day I try to be resilient, if I hurt myself, I let the evils of the world, and more specifically, the evils of the circumstances of my childhood win.

    I won't be a victim, I won't let them win.

    But it's hard, a person can only suffer so much before their soul breaks, and even when they fix their broken souls, there exists that lingering ache.

    Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?!!?!?!??!

    You know?

    I will never forget the past, but I have to learn to accept it, and acknowledge the positive things it afforded me.

    I'm a special person because of all the hardship I've been through.



    Might sound corny, but it's true.

    s

    to all my fellow fours.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #252
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    I must be weird for a 4 cos I actually don't feel alienated within my family. Perhaps when I was younger I felt moderately alienated since I was hypersensitive to criticism. Despite that, I feel a sense of solidarity with my family. Among peers in school, that was another story, I felt like I came from a different planet.
    We had opposite circumstances.

    Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

    In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

    Thank god for books, though.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  3. #253
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    We had opposite circumstances.

    Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

    In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

    Thank god for books, though.

    Yeah, middle school was the worst for me. I remember in sixth grade, everyone wanted to change how I dressed, acted, said things, my hair, makeup, you name it. I was comfortable in a pair of straight leg jeans, Reebok Princess sneakers, and a plaid button up shirt. People wanted me to dress more girly, use the word "as if" not in the use of comparing objects, but as a remark of tween age attitude, not talk as high pitched and soft spoken, it was exhausting. I just wanted to be me and accepted for that.

    At the start of high school, I went through a period where I felt very insecure around my peers. I felt like a freak. No matter what I did, it went unnoticed by my classmates. Teachers recognized what I did though, I felt like grownups understood where I was coming from better than people in my age bracket.

    I did have a core group of friends in high school, luckily.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  4. #254
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

    Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

    I could probably raise my hand to this question. I felt neglected for sure. We fended for ourselves a lot, and I was the eldest so most of that responsibility fell to me. I wondered a lot when I was little if I'd been adopted or accidentally switched at birth because I had so little in common with my entire family.

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Thank god for books
    Embrace the possibilities.

  5. #255
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    We had opposite circumstances.

    Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

    In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

    Thank god for books, though.

    I guess middle/highschool was and will remain my stupid/crazy period. It would sound a little anachronistic if I said that I created specific personas during that time, but I did in a way. Before that, like I indicated earlier, I didn't really fit in well.. In elementary, I was kind of a comic book geek. I cultivated some other cool interests in a way at a young age with music and movies and I liked acting a little in plays (not so much into books.. although I liked some), but I wasn't too conscious of my tastes yet. The stuff that made me feel different was family, race, and appearance related stuff. I remember having to fight a lot. Just random crap. I remember I had to fight four kids at once at one time. Two insults stand out to me: Ichabod Crane was one, and "slanted eyed rice cooker" was the other. Those sum it up at least. Kids are so creative, aren't they (and those aren't really bad insults now that I think about it either..haha)? So yeah..Fast forward to middleschool..and then highschool. That was a disaster. I was pissed off and didn't do well. And I paid for it, and finally dropped out. I had more potential than that in retrospect (and I've sucked at school since.. I keep pulling out), but I had to do what I had to do at the time. Luckily, it ended and slowly I got in touch with things that were important to me again (ideal wise).. and I'm still confused somewhat, but I'm with you in not wanting to channel my past into something evil..

  6. #256
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    I am quite a masochist...physical violence aside.

    YouTube - ‪Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna‬‎

    Music video's awful though. No innovation. But the song's catchy.
    I think this song show an unhealthy 4 and 8 relationship.
    [SIGPIC] [/SIGPIC]

    Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
    — Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

    "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
    — Sylvia Plath

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