[Traditional Enneagram] The conundrum of social 4s

[Boogie man]

He is sx/so.

*snap snap snap*
..............snap..
...........snap.....
........snap........
.....snap...........
..snap..............
*snap snap snap*

No he ain't!!

Seriously.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm revisiting this, and I think I may be a 4 So/Sx, but the biggest hangup is that I am not concerned with pop culture or following the crowd, but could that be explained because I am INFJ?

I would really appreciate your input, especially those of you who can see me as a social 4.

 

[Norrsken]

The desire to be different, and yet, the deep an intense yearning to fit in.

The obsession with "normality" and "mainstream", and yet the constant plague of feeling like a hideous outsider.

The pride of being "different" and an "individual", and yet, the envy of wanting to belong to something larger than oneself.

Such a conflicting state of mind?

Social 4s are often portrayed as the self-inflicted "victims" of the Enneagram, but I personally think their fixation is extremely fascinating and human. There is a comforting "strength" in exploring their dilemma, as I think that "social shame" is more relevant today than ever.

Let's talk about social 4s! Thoughts?

This.. sounds like me when I was a teenager, to be honest.

 

[TheEndIsNotTheEnd]

This.. sounds like me when I was a teenager, to be honest.

I think it was Tom Condon who said that 4s were stuck in the perpetual state of teenage angst.

 

[Norrsken]

I think it was Tom Condon who said that 4s were stuck in the perpetual state of teenage angst.

Yikes. Then I'm glad I'm out of that, lol.

 

[cascadeco]

I'm revisiting this, and I think I may be a 4 So/Sx, but the biggest hangup is that I am not concerned with pop culture or following the crowd, but could that be explained because I am INFJ?

I would really appreciate your input, especially those of you who can see me as a social 4.

I can't comment on you personally, but a social 4 is not going to be concerned with pop culture or following the crowd - ie they aren't likely going to do it. They will just be painfully aware of not doing it, and self conscious of the fact. They'll in a sense care about not doing it, it'll bother them on some level, but doesn't mean they'll partake. That's a big misconception of so-dom, that they automatically follow the crowd.

 

[Butze]

I can't comment on you personally, but a social 4 is not going to be concerned with pop culture or following the crowd - ie they aren't likely going to do it. They will just be painfully aware of not doing it, and self conscious of the fact. They'll in a sense care about not doing it, it'll bother them on some level, but doesn't mean they'll partake. That's a big misconception of so-dom, that they automatically follow the crowd.

It's like: "I want society to accept me, but society wants me to follow this and this and I don't like it, so I won't! But then, they won't accept me, and I'll be all alone, again. Well, it's cosy here inside my darkness, so who cares. Yeah, but why don't they invite me to that party? Why am I a reject? Oh, but they will make fun of you for not wearing the new puma shoes that are so hip right now. Mmm, but I find them unconfortable! Who cares, you have to wear them, it's that or you stay home alone. Why is that nobody loves meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Am I right?

 

[cascadeco]

It's like: "I want society to accept me, but society wants me to follow this and this and I don't like it, so I won't! But then, they won't accept me, and I'll be all alone, again. Well, it's cosy here inside my darkness, so who cares. Yeah, but why don't they invite me to that party? Why am I a reject? Oh, but they will make fun of you for not wearing the new puma shoes that are so hip right now. Mmm, but I find them unconfortable! Who cares, you have to wear them, it's that or you stay home alone. Why is that nobody loves meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Am I right?

haha, close. When I was younger I was more caught up in those circles of thought but a lot of that thought process is less applicable to me these days - though still present in some form. I know now though that a lot of it is of my own doing, thus don't really go the pity route so much.

 

[Butze]

haha, close. When I was younger I was more caught up in those circles of thought but a lot of that thought process is less applicable to me these days - though still present in some form. I know now though that a lot of it is of my own doing, thus don't really go the pity route so much.

Yeah, I feel it less too, although I still have pity parties at times. Can I ask you how your sp shows up? Meaning: if we take the Chestnut's descriptions into account, so/sp means that you fluctuate from the So 4 to the Sp 4 and back, depending on which istinct is more powerful in that moment?

 

[cascadeco]

Yeah, I feel it less too, although I still have pity parties at times. Can I ask you how your sp shows up? Meaning: if we take the Chestnut's descriptions into account, so/sp means that you fluctuate from the So 4 to the Sp 4 and back, depending on which istinct is more powerful in that moment?

I'm not sure, other than the more stereotypical aspects of prioritizing my own health and keeping myself balanced. ie sleep is super important to me, I like to eat well and try to take care of my body, I'm able to stay on top of finances/taking care of myself and think that's important (though a lot of that too is upbringing, not sure how much is upbringing vs instinct), I am not one to overextend myself or do a huge amount of self-sacrificing. I guess I'd sum it up as Balance is important to me. Am more naturally withdrawn and deliberating vs effusive and diving deep/obsessed and consumed (which I associate more with sx)

Not sure if much of that is related to sp or not; I just figure since I'm pretty on top of all of that, that it's impossible for me to be sp-last.