"The main issue for heart triad types is that of self-image. They experience love as conditional, and think that one's true self cannot be loved, so they must "put on" a more acceptable persona. In extreme cases, their real self can be subconsciously substituted with the persona that will get them the most approval. In Katherine and David Fauvre's lecture on type 4, they state: "In order to be loved for who I am, I must pretend to be what I am not." Imagine being a kid and getting the lead in the school play. While you're on stage, your parents are in the front row. You see them, watching you. If you do well, you hear them praise you and brag about you to their friends, but there's this sense that it's the performance that is being rewarded, not you as a person. This is most intense in three. For twos, the approval comes through being seen as loving, generous, helpful person. You aren't in the lead, but you are the one that selflessly helps out with the costumes and decorations and you're rewarded for being seen as caring and kind. For fours, there's the sense that you can't ever be the one to get the lead, you're the understudy, you want the accolades of the lead but for some reason it is never available to you, so you come up with something unique and distinctive about yourself, to cover up for the fact that you feel perenially lacking. However the image issues manifest, in each case, the goal is to be adequately mirrored and validated in some way.
The three types of the Feeling Triad are primarily concerned with the development of a self-image. They compensate for a lack of deeper connection with the Essential qualities of the heart by erecting a false identity and becoming identified with it. They then present this image to others (as well as to themselves) in the hope that it will attract love, attention, approval, and a sense of value.
The major themes in this Triad involve identity issues (“Who am I?â€) and problems with hostility (“I hate you for not loving me in the way I want!â€). Because Twos, Threes, and Fours unconsciously know what their identity is not an expression of who they really are, they respond with hostility whenever their personal-identity is not validated. Hostility serves both to deflect people who might question or devalue this identity, and to defend these types against deeper feelings of shame and humiliation.
Type Two is looking for value in the good regard of others. Twos want to be wanted; they try to obtain favorable reactions by giving people their energy and attention. Twos look for positive responses to their overtures of friendliness, help, and goodness in order to build up their own self-esteem. The focus of their feelings is outward, on others, but as a result, they often have difficulty knowing what their own feelings are telling them. They also frequently feel unappreciated, although, as much as possible, they must conceal the hostile feelings that this generates.
Type Four is the opposite: their energy and attention go inward to maintain a self-image based on feelings, fantasies, and stories from the past. Their personality-identity centers on being “different,†being unlike anyone else, and as a result, they often feel estranged from people. Fours tend to create and sustain moods rather than allow whatever feelings are actually present to arise. Less healthy Fours often see themselves as victims and prisoners of their pasts. They believe that there is no hope of being another way because of all the tragedies and abuses that have befallen them. This is also their way of eliciting attention and pity from others and, hence, some degree of validation.
Type Three, the central type of this Triad (the type positioned on the equilateral triangle), directs attention and energy both inward and outward. Like Twos, Threes need the positive feedback and affirmation of others. Threes primarily seek value through accomplishment; they develop notions about what a valuable person would be like, then try to become that person. But Threes also engage in a great deal of internal “self-talk,†attempting to create and sustain a consistent internal picture of themselves, like Fours. They are always in danger of “believing their own press releases†more than the truth.
Summary:
• Twos are rescuers, Fours are rescuees, Threes do not need rescuing.
• In the Feeling Triad Twos, Threes, and Fours are trying to deal with feelings of shame. Twos become ultragood, trying to be caring and of service to others. Threes become perfect in their performance and outstanding in their achievements. Fours dramatize their losses and hurts and see themselves as victims.
• The Feeling Triad is about maintaining a personal identity.
• These types are past-oriented because our self-image is built up out of memories and interpretations of the past."