So I am trying to figure out my Enneagram type. Previously I have only superficially looked into this system, and I typed myself as a 9. It never seemed that accurate though, so I didn't bother delving into the system much more.
However I am now giving it another go, and after a few tests and reading through the type descriptions, and also getting a bit more familiar with wings and instinctual variants, I am understanding a bit more. BUT I still can't figure out my type.
I have narrowed myself down to either 5 or 9, of that I am pretty sure. I feel like 5 describes me pretty well at work, but i don't think I am nearly that focused in day to day life. In addition I have been working a lot and socialising little the last couple weeks so maybe I am feeling more like a focused Five than I would otherwise.
But then again, I asked my boyfriend, and based on what was I'm sure was a very superficial read of the first type descriptions he came across, said "Five i think".
Yet this misidentification description however says that Nines more often type as Fives, very rarely is the other way around. Yet I am female though so the "Female Nines tend to type as Twos and Male Nines tend to type as Fives" is obviously not happening in my case.
I think maybe part of the confusion is that I think on the surface I am quite Nine-like. From OceanMoonshine:
That all sounds pretty much like me. However I don't really recognise the underlying, oh, I dunno, essence of the personality. The disassociation, 'tuning out', extreme avoidance of conflict and dislike of interaction with reality just doesn't sound quite right. Not to mention both 8 and 1 wings seem impossible, there is almost nothing that speaks to me about those types.People of enneatype Nine are essentially looking to maintain a sense of peace, harmony and balance and to avoid conflict and disruption. Nines tend to see the best in people, to be fundamentally optimistic about the future, and, when reasonably healthy, to have a calming and grounding effect on those around them. As a general rule, Nines are fairly “easy going;” they adopt a strategy of “going with the flow.” They intuitively know how to wait for the openings so that they can slip effortlessly into the stream. Nines don’t tend to “sweat the small stuff.” On the whole, they are self-effacing, tolerant, even-tempered and likable individuals. Nines aspire to be supportive, loving and gentle and more than any other enneatype, are likely to embody these valuable qualities.
I struggle to be honest and open up sometimes, but in terms of discord in my relationship, 9/10 times we argue, I start it - because I'm upset for some reason (or no reason) and am bad at hiding it. I will sometimes attempt to avoid the topic, esp when I know I'm being unreasonable, but if it's an actual problem I usually need a bit of time to process, rein my emotions in to the point where I can express myself rationally, and then I bring up the issue to my partner.This deeply rooted tendency to avoid discord plays itself out both internally and in the realm of external action, but generally manifests most centrally in close personal relationships, as intimate relationships more than anything else tend to trigger core defenses.
From 'The Wisdom of the Enneagram" on Type 5:
Another Five might spend most of her vacation mentally taking notes on the place for a novel she is working on rather than relaxing and enjoying the tripI have definitely done the first, on one trip at least, and the second is something I battle with at work, that I am slowly learning to overcome. Actually, I am a bit afraid to let anything out until I have it definitely sorted out, for fear of it being judged and I won't be sure enough to defend it. I like to feel competent, and again in a work sense, I also like to poke at areas that I know I'm not good at, so that I will get better.Average Fives get locked into what we call preparation mode. They gather more and more information, or endlessly practice, never feeling that they are prepared enough to move into action... They never feel quite ready to put themselves on the line.
Yet statements like this, also from "The Wisdom of the Enneagram", I dunno, just doesn't really ring that true:
I learn things and understand things because I find them interesting, not necessarily because I need them to validate my own expertise. Okay, sometimes I like to research and buy a mobile phone that nobody else has, for example, or buy a more unusual product, but I think that might be a result of being a designer - I don't want the same things as everybody else. My interests, on the other hand, are a little nerdy maybe but I don't believe particularly "unthinkable".Knowledge, understanding and insight are thus highly valued by Fives, because their identity is built around having ideas and being someone who has something unusual and insightful to say. For this reason, Fives are not interested in exploring what is already familiar and well established; rather, their attention is drawn to the unusual, the overlooked, the secret, the occult, the bizarre, the fantastic, the unthinkable. Investigating unknown territory - knowing something that others do not know, or creating something that no one has ever experienced - allows Fives to have a niche for themselves that no one else occupies. They believe that developing this niche is the best way that they can attain independence and confidence."
Also, I don't really relate to the apparently prickliness of the Five, or things like "Fives trust their own minds and feel little need to adjust their beliefs to accommodate the opinions of the majority, opinions that Fives often feel are shallow or “stupid.”". I think I am relatively tolerant, I might raise an eyebrow and debate them on the topic, but I certainly won't refuse to spend time with them because they're stupid. But maybe there's not many people around me at the moment with noticeably different opinions, so I've forgotten what it's like to clash with them. In things like political issues, I do actually like reading the other side's arguments, just to see if there's any merit & I can learn more about the situation from it.
Part of my confusion with reading the Five profile is I cannot help but think of an old friend of mine, an INTP, who embodied all things prickly and defensive and intellectual and passive that Five seems to describe. We were quite different, though, so it seems impossible that we could be the same type.
So I apologise for the wall of text, but anyone getting any clues from that as to which way I might lean? If I am a 5, I am most likely a 5w4, which may soften some of the 5s sharper aspects. Are there instinctual variants or wings of the Nine that might aid in where my points of contention lie?