[Traditional Enneagram] Why do I act like a 2 in some intimate relationships when I am not a 2?

[Mathilda Honey]

Hi. I need some logic here I am a 6 and am usually pretty easygoing in romantic relationships and very easy going with my friendships (if I trust you, of course).

I do admit to troubles with intimacy- it scares me. In the last 4 years I have been single and celibate. Twice however, I met men that took my breath away and acted like a psychotic 2. I bolted, sabotaged, you name it. The second one I do not want to lose. I realize my issues. INFJ, btw.

Now I am testing as a 2. What gives? I have a 2 friend and am not like her.
What happens to the easy going nature? Is this intimacy? Have I been a 2 the whole time?


Eek. I don't like myself right now. Or how I acted with those two men. I will be alone or wind up with a person who doesn't...push that button.

Point is....is there a little 2 lurking somewhere or is this other psychological stuff?

If anyone answers, thanks.

 

[prplchknz]

you're insane there's no hope go live in the mountains as a hermit and eat wild boar, but first have tea parties with them, they love tea parties

 

[Rasofy]

With that in mind, I suggest a Tri-type approach.

 

[SD45T-2]

Is he related to Uriah Heap guitarist Mick Box?

 

[Mathilda Honey]

My question is why this only comes out in highly stressful/trying intimate relations? And only twice in my 32 years on this earth.

I do prefer the tri type actually. Different results each time. Even paid for a fancy test.

Thanks for replying.

 

[Aurora James]

You might have a 2 in your tritype.

 

[Rambling]

Hi. I need some logic here I am a 6 and am usually pretty easygoing in romantic relationships and very easy going with my friendships (if I trust you, of course).

I do admit to troubles with intimacy- it scares me. In the last 4 years I have been single and celibate. Twice however, I met men that took my breath away and acted like a psychotic 2. I bolted, sabotaged, you name it. The second one I do not want to lose. I realize my issues. INFJ, btw.

Now I am testing as a 2. What gives? I have a 2 friend and am not like her.
What happens to the easy going nature? Is this intimacy? Have I been a 2 the whole time?


Eek. I don't like myself right now. Or how I acted with those two men. I will be alone or wind up with a person who doesn't...push that button.

Point is....is there a little 2 lurking somewhere or is this other psychological stuff?

If anyone answers, thanks.

My 2 cents...

I like the Enneagram idea that there is a bit of each of the nine types in everyone, and I also like the tritype idea.

So when the motivator is Fear, you're a Six. hello to your normal life.

But how about when the driver underneath is Shame - are you a 2,3 or 4? Having intimacy troubles and disliking who you are in intimate relations is more like an unhealthy Four. And under pressure Four disintegrates into people pleasing 2 (by making choices which please other people) rather than growing healthily into a 1 by taking the actions the Four herself prefers by her own preferences.

And when the inner driver is Rage, is that the driver for when you are bolting? Or is the bolting still driven by Shame?

I found the tritype idea really useful in understanding how I personally reacted during a *sequence* of events. Once I could say 'ah, I feel like pushing past them to get what I want, out of ...errrr...Rage...okay, I'm being an Eight here...so now, wait, I care for them ansp I don't want to hurt them, what is it I need to integrate to...ah, a Two, time to think about them not me...etc' I found that really useful.

And with Shame, it's like I'm me and I want this, that, but I don't deserve this, so I will try to hold on to the other person and do what they want so I don't lose them, the hesitancy of my 5w6 (normal) combined with unhealthy Four to make me do what pleased the other person not me...and the way out for me is to say something like 'It is okay to be me and to have wants of my own, and in the way I want them to be happy so also they want me to be happy and fulfilled so I need for my own sake to speak out and admit those weaknesses and needs and trust them and ask for help...be the Enneagram One who takes action...and the step into that is to allow my own choice of action taken to be what I choose, for the choice of the other is not as valuable to me right here and now as my own choice is...' Something like that.

I'm a 5w6 4w3 8w? I think, INTJ female.

I find the levels of healthy and unhealthy and the inner descriptions of the levels very helpful, especially the Four ones, as I think my Four was pretty unhealthy when I started to look into this so my inner emotional reactions were unusual ones.