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  1. #31
    metamorphosing Flâneuse's Avatar
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    For me:

    - feeling the contradictory urges to show my true self to others and to hide my true feelings, thoughts and preferences in order to not only avoid conflict, but to avoid rubbing others the wrong way or drawing too much attention to myself as well.

    - the challenge of tearing down the beautiful illusion of connection in order to have the building ground for real connections.
    having trouble revealing my true self (and to a lesser extent, a tendency to idealize certain others) can make it difficult to form deep, sincere relationships. If I have special feelings for someone (romantic or not), I'm especially reluctant to reveal anything that the other person would dislike about me, even if it's something that's essential to who I am. It's like part of me wants to hold onto the pleasant illusion of perfect connection with the other person, rather than facing the messier reality of who we both are and recognizing the areas where we haven't connected yet, which is necessary to form genuine connections (that become deeper over time rather than becoming stagnant and insincere), but could also result in unresolvable conflict, finding that you're just too different and that the desired level of understanding is unlikely to be obtained, and total separation (someone leaving).

    - sometimes, an inability to feel life as deeply as I want to. I feel more numb to the highs and lows than I once did.

  2. #32
    Member hornet's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
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    The hardest thing is to let go of the anger.
    Not the little issue that triggered it.
    But all the stored repressed energy in your body that has a negative charge.
    Cause when you release it, it wants to interact with the world and due to it's negative polarity
    it will seek out negativity.
    If nothing is there you will start to associate and remember past issues that felt similar to the state you are now in.
    Leading to a much higher probability of you creating more suffering for yourself than constructive solutions.
    Awareness is key, but it is not the kind of awareness that you can get overnight.
    Most likely it will take you years to even begin to understand how this connects.
    The only shortcut is systems like the enneagram that can guide your focus.

    When you dig past the anger you will find something.
    Some people think that some nirvana like state awaits, but actually you will find clues
    to why you are in this shutdown state that we refer to as type 9.
    These are issues that you need to overcome, cause if you don't, you will just accumulate more stagnated energy.
    I'm hesitant to label these issues cause I don't like to presume that what ails me ails you.
    Even though there seem to be a correlation on the surface I think that one should let others
    find their own subjective take on the underlying issues to their negative state of being.
    Likes Flâneuse liked this post

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