User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 32

  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    10,087

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    Sometimes I feel phoney even discussing problems, in my mind it doesn't matter. Then there are those times were you believe everyone's making a bigger deal of something than they should (both great indicators of disintegration).
    Yes. Same here.
    Likes Raffaella liked this post

  2. #22
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    Yes. Same here.
    Yeah, me too. @Deceptive you said it so perfectly.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
    Likes Raffaella liked this post

  3. #23
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    You've explained it wonderfully and the gifs are perfect. I've seen that Kanye West face on my husband a million times while I do the Tom Hiddleston gif. The desire not to burden others just makes me sad. I want him to let it out and I've assured him he would be safe with me. Even if it was about me. I'm not saying he never asserts himself - he does and it's really impressive when he does. I only think outbursts that would be otherwise inappropriate, aren't inappropriate with me. If he is unable to do it, I do understand but, my door is open.
    That is all I would need, reassurance whenever appropriate that there are no boundaries with you and nothing would scare you off. I would be surprised if he didn't know that about you, the reassurance would never be a bad thing though.

    One thing that I personally find helpful is having physical contact with a partner if there is a disagreement/difficult topic to broach as the breaking of a connection is the fear point, if there is physical contact such as a hand on a knee then the threat of disconnection is diminished.

    It is a place of comfort to us not to always let it out, even at the highest levels of health we would be picky about what is worth taking on, I see 9w8 v 8w9 as the inverse of each other in a way, for the 8, the desire is to take things head on and deal with disagreements immediately, at high levels of health an 8 would know when to let things go, the 9s desire is to let things go, and we should know when they need to be addressed. So long as a 9 is aware of their own needs and know when to not accept poor treatment, it's healthy, we generally aren't a blunt force in disagreements, more diplomatic but the end result we work towards is the same; respect.

  4. #24
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    2,023

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    Sometimes I feel phoney even discussing problems, in my mind it doesn't matter. Then there are those times were you believe everyone's making a bigger deal of something than they should (both great indicators of disintegration).
    Is this exclusive to 9s? I'm asking because I feel this way as well ... and it is why I also mistyped as a 9 for a long time. I felt average. So average that I was practically invisible. And I saw that everyone around me was better at making their problems known than I was and got negative reactions whenever I tried to express my own. So I started trying to believe that it was because my problems didn't matter. Or that, at least, they were no different from anyone else's because the problems I do have arise from just being human.

    It's only when someone pointed out that I use self-deprecation and effacement as a persona - a persona which is perhaps more crafted than I gave it credit for - that I started considering the fact that I was indeed a 4.

    But for all that, I still do think my problems don't count for much with others and have a hard time truly expressing them unless I am very upset or angry.

    I guess I'm wondering what makes the 9 brand of self-neglect tick.

  5. #25
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    848

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    Is this exclusive to 9s? I'm asking because I feel this way as well ... and it is why I also mistyped as a 9 for a long time. I felt average. So average that I was practically invisible. And I saw that everyone around me was better at making their problems known than I was and got negative reactions whenever I tried to express my own. So I started trying to believe that it was because my problems didn't matter. Or that, at least, they were no different from anyone else's because the problems I do have arise from just being human.
    I don't think we get mostly reactions when we state our problems (that seems very e4, to be honest). I think we have a tendency to downplay them since we either feel uncomfortable drawing attention to ourselves, don't believe there's a problem, don't believe our problems matter or don't know how to word the problem after years and years of ignoring them. I think the usual reaction from others is surprise, surprise that we're even commenting or acknowledging a problem or that we have problems because we're excellent at avoiding them and holding onto the silver-lining therefore we appear unflappable and content.

    But for all that, I still do think my problems don't count for much with others and have a hard time truly expressing them unless I am very upset or angry.
    This is actually very Fi, most fi-doms struggle to word their problems (due to low Te) in heat or tears.

    I guess I'm wondering what makes the 9 brand of self-neglect tick.
    For 9s, it's the idea that you're inherently unloveable therefore your needs don't matter hence the accommodation and conflict avoidance. Would you say that you relate to that?

    Here's an effective piece written by a 9, I think if you don't relate much to it, you're probably not a 9. If you do, you need to read into the idea of holy origin of e4.
    Likes senza tema liked this post

  6. #26
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    10,087

    Default

    Let's discuss how 9s differ across the different mbti types.
    Likes Ene liked this post

  7. #27
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    Let's discuss how 9s differ across the different mbti types.
    I think this is a great idea. I would love to see both the similarities and differences.

    What did you have in mind as to how we should go about it?
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  8. #28
    is indra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    MBTI
    jedi
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    1,334

    Default

    Hearing rants about how people should just be blunt with their speech and actions. How unwise. Yet to them it sounds good, as they feed the beast nature has made them.
    tiny purple fishes run laughing through your fingers
    and you want to take her with you, to the hard land of the winter

  9. #29
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    10,087

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I think this is a great idea. I would love to see both the similarities and differences.

    What did you have in mind as to how we should go about it?
    I don't want to derail this thread too far off topic. I already have a thread specifically about being an ISTP 9, but I don't think it would be redundant to start a new one covering all MBTI/socionics/etc 9s.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    I don't want to derail this thread too far off topic. I already have a thread specifically about being an ISTP 9, but I don't think it would be redundant to start a new one covering all MBTI/socionics/etc 9s.
    I agree. I'll check out your thread, too, btw.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] ENFP Strengths?: What Are The Best Things about Being an ENFP
    By Esoteric Wench in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: 09-10-2017, 09:31 AM
  2. What is the hardest thing about being a man?
    By Peter Deadpan in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 102
    Last Post: 02-25-2017, 06:15 PM
  3. [SJ] Best and Worsts things about being an sj
    By Smilephantomhive in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-03-2015, 09:36 PM
  4. Anxiety About Certain Things Can Be Hereditary
    By Vasilisa in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-19-2013, 01:45 PM
  5. [Fi] Things that suck about being an N dom
    By Elfboy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 56
    Last Post: 02-20-2011, 01:42 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO