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Thread: 4w5s + love

  1. #21
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    Assumptions, estimations and a probability tree, of course!




    ROFL, I'm always impressed by the effort NFP E4s put into describing their ideal partner but horrified at how unrealistic it can be ("how can such a person exist?"). As a super lazy e9, my response is always the same: compatibility. Maybe I should hire an INFP e4 to write one for me.
    Hmm, a little bit of Cyrano de Bergerac, there? Just find the INFP e4 of the opposite sex, and then date *them*. (At least, I've heard that the E4-E9 couple works, your kilometreage may vary.)
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  2. #22
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nara View Post
    I'm looking for the same things (and according to my little experience, INFJs are a perfect match, perhaps for an INFP it would be ENFJs, but definitely a 4 idealist would be really at ease with another idealist).
    I had this conversation with a friend of mine who didn't understand where comes from this need to be deeply understood by a significant other(and also the need of putting oneself in the other shoes to understand him/her totally). He told me I was telling myself a whole story, I was "outside", putting labels and words, instead of being "inside" and actually live it.

    So the trick is I think the 5 wing causes to withdraw in the story we built on the relationship, despite the fact we need to connect on an emotionnal level first.

    IMO, when we're not mature enough, we tend to gravitate towards cold intellectual mates (like 5s, quite comforting at first but in the long term it was frustrating) or on the contrary some sort of "shallow feelers" (and it'll be frustrating in the short term because of the "you think too much" who will pop up very soon). It's all about balance, your mind needs an interesting and stimulating partner of course but the real connection comes from the heart...

    [So, I'd say - ironically - "don't think too much" about MBTI types and trust your guts. ]
    @Nara, @lulabelle, @OrangeAppled --

    Once again, Dorothy L. Sayers to the rescue (this passage from Gaudy Night):

    “Sometimes, of course,” he went on dispassionately, “the partner is merely jealous or selfish. But half the time it’s sheer stupidity. They don’t mean it. It’s surprisin‘ how few people ever mean anything definite from one year’s end to the other.”
    “I don’t think they could help it, whatever they meant. It’s the pressure of other people’s personalities that does the mischief.”
    “Yes. Best intentions no security. They never are, of course. You may say you won’t interfere with another person’s soul, but you do-merely by existing. The snag about it is the practical difficulty, so to speak, of not existing. I mean, here we all are, you know, and what are we to do about it?”
    “Well, I suppose some people feel themselves called to make personal relationships their life-work. If so, it’s all right for them. But what about the others?”
    “Tiresome, isn’t it?” he said, with a gleam of amusement that annoyed her. “Do you think they ought to cut out human contacts altogether? It’s not easy. There’s always the butcher or the baker or the landlady or somebody one has to wrestle with. Or should the people with brains sit tight and let the people with hearts look after them?”
    “They frequently do.”
    “So they do.” For the fifth time he summoned the waiter to pick up Harriet’s napkin for her. “Why do geniuses make bad husbands, and all that? But what are you going to do about the people who are cursed with both hearts and brains?”
    “I’m sorry I keep on dropping things; this silk’s so slippery. Well, that’s just the problem, isn’t it? I’m beginning to believe they’ve got to choose.”
    “Not compromise?”
    “I don’t think the compromise works.”
    “That I should live to hear any person of English blood blaspheme against compromise!”
    “Oh, I’m not all English. I’ve got some bits of Scotch and Irish tucked away somewhere.”
    “That proves you’re English. No other race ever boasts of being mongrel. I’m quite offensively English myself, because I’m one-sixteenth French, besides all the usual nationalities. So that compromise is in my blood. However. Should you catalogue me as a heart or a brain?”
    “Nobody,” said Harriet, “could deny your brain.”
    “Who déniges of it? And you may deny my heart, but I’m damned if you shall deny its existence.”
    “You argue like an Elizabethan wit-two meanings under one word.”
    “It was your word. You will have to deny something, if you intend to be like Caesar’s sacrifice.”
    “Caesar’s…?”
    “A beat without a heart. Has your napkin gone again?”
    “No-it’s my bag this time. It’s just under your left foot.”
    “Oh!” He looked round, but the waiter had vanished. “Well,” he went on, without moving, “it is the heart’s office to wait upon the brain, but in view f-”
    “Please don’t trouble,” said Harriet, “it doesn’t matter in the least.”
    “In view of the fact that I’ve got two cracked ribs, I’d better not try; because if once got down I should probably never get up again.”
    “Good gracious!” said Harriet. “I thought you seemed a little stiff in your manner. Why on earth didn’t you say so before, instead of sitting there like a martyr and inveigling me into misjudging you?”
    “I don’t seem able to do anything right,” he said plaintively.
    “How did you manage to do it?”
    “Fell off a wall in the most inartistic manner. I was in a bit of a hurry; there was a very plain-looking bloke on the other side with a gun. It wasn’t so much the wall, as the wheelbarrow at the bottom. And it isn’t really so much the ribs as the sticking-plaster. It’s strapped as tight as hell and itches infernally.”
    “How beastly for you. I’m so sorry. What became of the bloke with the gun?”
    “Ah! I’m afraid personal complications won’t trouble him any longer.”
    “If the luck had been the other way, I suppose they wouldn’t have troubled you any longer?”
    “Probably not. And then I shouldn’t have troubled you any longer. If my mind had been where my heart was, I might have welcomed that settlement. But my mind being momentarily on my job, I ran away with the greatest rapidity, so as to live to finish the case.”
    “Well, I’m glad of that, Peter.”
    “Are you? That shows how hard it is for even the most powerful brain to be completely heartless. Let me see. It is not my day for asking you to marry me, and a few yards of sticking plaster are hardly enough to make it a special occasion. But we’ll have coffee in the lounge, if you don’t mind, because this chair is getting as hard as the wheelbarrow, and seems to be catching me in several of the same places.”
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  3. #23
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    Are you a 7 or a 9?

    I'll be perfectly honest and say the 4/7 combination is a challenging one for longterm relationships. Based on personal experience, I think the relationship is fun and exciting and adventurous and passionate at first but the 4 eventually wears the 7 down with relentless demands for emotional intensity all the time, the 7 starts feeling bored and trapped and reacts less and less, the 4 doesn't take the hint and keeps badgering while feeling wounded and unsatisfied, the 7 ultimately bails, and the 4 throws a "woe is me" pity party for one.

    I'd actually be interested in hearing how you guys make it work if you are indeed a 7. I don't know much about 9/4 relationships, I think there would be another set of problems there but I have limited first hand experience. My inclination though is to say it sounds easier that 4/7.
    arcana, do you have a 4 enneatype?

  4. #24
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    INFJ 4w5 + INFP 9(w1) here. Six years so far

    Not that well-versed in the Enneagram but pretty well-versed in this pairing

    I think it helps that my 4-ness is a bit toned down by auxiliary Fe, and his Fi 'edge' is toned down by his 9-ness. Lots of work, but the connection is insane
    4w5 sp/sx EII
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  5. #25
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    INFJ 4w5 + INFP 9(w1) here. Six years so far

    Not that well-versed in the Enneagram but pretty well-versed in this pairing

    I think it helps that my 4-ness is a bit toned down by auxiliary Fe, and his Fi 'edge' is toned down by his 9-ness. Lots of work, but the connection is insane
    just curious, have you ever met an INFP 4w5 sp/sx in real life? (this is my type by the way). I'm really interested in the differences between and the chemistry between INFP 4w5 versus INFJ 4w5

  6. #26
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    just curious, have you ever met an INFP 4w5 sp/sx in real life? (this is my type by the way). I'm really interested in the differences between and the chemistry between INFP 4w5 versus INFJ 4w5
    I'm afraid I haven't met any INFP 4w5 sp/sx in real life. The few people who I suspect are INFP seem to be E9. Sorry
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  7. #27
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    Hmm, a little bit of Cyrano de Bergerac, there? Just find the INFP e4 of the opposite sex, and then date *them*. (At least, I've heard that the E4-E9 couple works, your kilometreage may vary.)
    pretty sure E4 + E4=explosion/combustion/explustion
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  8. #28
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    I suspect my boyfriend is an enneagram 8, which I've read is a good match for us. or at least an equally intense personality, expressed in a different way.

  9. #29
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    I suspect my boyfriend is an enneagram 8, which I've read is a good match for us. or at least an equally intense personality, expressed in a different way.
    is he an ENTJ by chance?

  10. #30
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    is he an ENTJ by chance?
    ISTP, probably.

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