Though I could hardly see myself as anything else, than core 4, there are people who doubt it and type me differently, which makes me less confident in my typing.The core is not such an issue, though, I wonder if I got my enneagram tritype right and I have serious troubles with my stackings, because to some point I relate to sx, so, sp on a similar degree.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
When I am home alone, I usually listen to music and analyze my life, myself and my emotionality. I analyze my past, what could have been done differently, how can things in my life change, what kind of a person am I, what kind of a person I'd like to be. I usually get pretty emotional, even a bit depressed, but for me this is the best way of relaxation and a great approach how to deal with my inner tension. I often write my thoughts into a diary and note them as a poem, or song. So I basically drown myself in self-loathing, egocentric and self pitting thoughts about my life, that I turn into analyzation of my own psyche, that I later turn into art, or a shiny questionnaire like this one, or more Jung studies
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
b. What have others said about you?
c. What do you think of yourself?
a- I think it's very bittersweet, because at one hand you have a person who is careless, likes to have fun, loves to joke around, talks with people about exciting topics and on the other there's a person who's never happy with who she is, how she is, still loathes for something, that can't be even define, who is analytical, thoughtful and a perfectionist when it comes to desirable self-image and personal happiness. It's like that weird pictures with sad clowns, only I am also pretty shy and fear to express too much in real life.
b- Talkative, charismatic, creative, artistic, intellectual, smart, friendly, rebelious, critical, irresponsible, can't be counted on, egocentric, narcissistic, selfish, messy, disorganized, childlike
c- I think I have a potential and a good intellect to be who I want to be, but I am too irresponsible, impulsive and indecisive to ever reach some real personal, or work success
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
The worst one is idealized self vs. the real self. I never feel good enough and I always seek for personal improvement and change, but then I always give up for some reason. So my self image becomes unstable, chaotic and unclear and creates a lot of inner mess and tension. Unstable relationships are also an issue, I am always looking for some kind of ideal, and I am never happy with simple things and simple people and I can hardly really fall in love with someone who doesn't fit some kind of higher ideal, or my own vision how he could help me for my future success, creativity, how can the person serve my personal goal. People rarely fit this and then have love/hate relationship with most. Bad organization, mess, lack of system in my life are also a huge issues. Impulsivity and lack of self control are also pretty big. Being over sensitive, depressed and pessimistic is also an issue which led into pretty anxious moods in my case.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt? - organization, scheduling, physical activities, stable attention, paying more attention to details, working with numbers, date, names..
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop? better self confidence and organizational skills, better attention span, less scattered energy
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I mostly left them, because they no longer fit into my idea of how I want my environment to be, or how I'd like to present myself.
Some of them left me, because of my immaturity
6. Which types do you identify with most? 4, 9 , 1 , 7 ,
a. How do you relate to these types? I relate to 4ish sense of lacking something important in the inside and seeking for it in the outside world and envy people that they seem to have something I lack. I am very image oriented, I am attached to my own ideal of my image as well the real image I present among others along with my sense of fashion, or style. I want to develop my own image to present to people, while I still want stay true to who I am. While I never feel good enough for my idealized self image and still keep asking myself "where did I go wrong?" "What's wrong with me?". That sense of attachment to my own expression, self and image makes me egocentric, self-centered and makes me forget other people or their needs, which only makes me feel guilty and the "i am a bad person" thinking usually comes with this. While I also feel I am different than others, a lot of people seem shallow and dumb to me, which helps my poor self image and creates almost a narcissist satisfaction with my ideas, thoughts and intellect. I like to use art as my way how to deal and how to vent my emotions and inner issues. I am extremly sensitive on criticism, however I accept criticism only when I myself am adapt to having the negative quality. I am overly sensitive and emotional, but sometimes I seek emotional drama, unstuble relationships and thrills just to escape the sense of emptiness that is caused by the feeling of lacking something important, and now I am were I begun it's a circle, it all makes sense.
I relate to 7ish fear of not using my potential and my possibilities to their fullest, I fear of living an empty life and missing out on opportunities. I am attached to my ideals of better future and better possibilities, that I believe will once come and they bring the sense of hope in life, which also causes me to be more careless about what is happening right in the moment in my life. I like to escape from negativity to my own world of fantasies where everything seems to be bright and better and I often use jokes and easy going approach to avoid unpleasant responsibilities, or troubles.
I relate to 9's fear of facing the troubles, facing the conflict with other people and causing the negative atmosphere, or unfriendly relationships with others, so I often suppress my own needs and own opinions, just to easily get along with other people. I adapt to others needs, or opinions and I am extremely malleable in different environments, I often soak in atmospheres and people's moods, which creates the inner conflict between being the real me and being just what the environment tells me to be, which creates the inner tension and a desire for harmony and peace and seeking for the halfway for solving everything. The peace and comfort can be easily distracted by unpleasant responsibilities, which I tend to avoid and rather drown myself in comfort of the known, warm and domestic, which often caused me to seem lazy.
I relate to 1's desire to reach the ideal self, to be good, to do the right thing, to be viewed as good and righteous.
b. How do you NOT relate to them? - I am not that dramatic as other 4s seem to be, I always find something that I can joke about my troubles.
- I am not active as 7s seem to be, I am not an experience junkie. I like to dream about all of this in my fantasies and talk about experiences with my friends, but I always chose comfort and know. I am lazy, often apathetic towards spontaneous action, often wants to keep a serious face, when the fun is too spontaneous for me. I don't seek pleasure for itself, or experience for itself. Fun often seems shallow for me and I rather decide for more serious topics to talk about, although I like to make jokes to seek out attention of others, or to light up the situation, when it's becoming to triggering.
- I am nervous, I am emotionally reactive, easily upset, I have problems with holding my temper when it's triggered - 9
- Unless like 1s I have poor self control and a lack of my own personal confidence, responsibility, or respect for traditional moral approach
7. Which types are least like you? 2,8
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types? I think those two are least like me. I dislike to feel like a servant for people, I dislike to act like I am happy just to make a friendly atmosphere, I dislike to pretend any of my feelings, I don't care much about others, I don't have much of a patience with people - 2. I dislike power, I dislike authoritative people, I dislike authority itself, I dislike challenges, I am scared, insecure, but I don't like people telling me what to do, unless I know myself what is right - 8.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to? 2's fear of not being good enough to be loved.
8's aggressiveness when their temper is triggered.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
I don't think love has to be represented by a person. I think love can be found in art, project, or goal. Simply something that brings a special pieces to your life, that fit well with your being and helps to feel fulfilled, belonged and complete.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
That I am not really good enough for my visions and goals. That I have to change, that I have to be better, that I should make a plan and stable goals and stop being so lazy, childish, sensitive and irresponsible and find the my true and real self, find who i really am and be better than I really am and then finally work toward reaching my goals and be successful.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
(1-most, 9 least )
to be "okay", having it together - 1
to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause - 7
to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative - 3
to be knowlegeable - 4
- to be powerful, strong, unassailable - 9
to be accomplished and successful - 5
to strive to become/behave like a good person - 2
- to be a loveable person - 6
- to be loving and benevolent - 8
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life: (1 most, 9 least)
- I must do everything to maintain my world - 8
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention - 7
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough - 4
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed - 3
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things - 5
- People have wronged and messed with me - 9
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate - 2
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack - 6
- I've had a sense of being rejectible - 1
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious - I rarely do this, I usually adapt, I don't like to make people angry. When I am not satisfied, I usually try to symbolically indicate it and hope that someone will notice and if not I don't say it anyway and just silently criticize everything.
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved - This has been an issue for me, I am not so needy of love, or affection, but I am needy of affirmation, appreciation, feedback and acceptance
- Weak and not being on top of things - I don't know... I got used to it, I don't need to be on top. I mean the attention is nice, but I don't like the power, or responsibility that comes with it
- Failure - i fear failure very much and the more i fear it, the more mistakes i do
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost - Ah... this is me, my life, welcome
- Entanglements and losing what I have - Easy comes easy goes, when i don't have it now, I'll have it later maybe, or I'll get something new and better
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough - I've been saying this the whole questionnaire so..
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan - I hate boredom, I can't stand it, though I experience it very often. I'd feel really sad for being exposed for a bad work
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized. - This is my general opinion, yes