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  1. #1

    Unhappy 5w4, 9w1 or something else? confused enneagram enthusiast

    Hello everyone (:

    I'm into Enneagram and MBTI for 3 years now, since I'm somehow sure that I'm an INFJ I have a hard time figuring out my enneagram. I read multiple descriptions and a book.

    On Enneagram tests i usually score as 5, 9, 1, 4 or 6 sometimes.


    I hope someone here is willing to help me out, I'd appreciate it.


    I'm a 17 (nearly 18) year old girl if thats important maybe. I try to start with the things that people think are the most typical for me. I realy do doorslam people a lot, I usually don't dare to say what annoys or hurts me, and once I'm done, I'm done. I get hurt easily and if I think that someone is a danger or threatening to me I cut them off. I'm very empathetic, it's so "bad" that, if someone I like is involved, I feel their pain as if it was mine. If someone cries I will usually start crying too. People often take advantage of my empathy I think and I got hurt many times, so I'm shutting off quite easily now, coming across as cold and distant. I also don't stant people touching me, I think that human bodys are disguisting and I can't let someone near me. Emotional closeness scares me. Physical closeness is something I can hardly endure, except when I'm sad or something.
    Altough I'm very reserved, if there are times when I really feel depressed or confused I become more open, seeking contact with others. Pushing them away because I get scared I revealed too much from myself.
    Thats one aspect I guess.

    Altough I'm somewhat cold and reserved and introverted Im somehow outspoken. I say what I think if I think it isn't right and goes against my values and I'm a bit tactless, maybe because of that. I'm not shy really, I prefer groups where you can have light and fun talks with everyone, I enjoy that. On the other hand I like deep conversations, but I'm somehow afraid of them. And I'm also scared away if someone is too fixated on me, I guess because of that I prefer groups.
    I have trust issues.
    But I'm more or less easygoing, unless I feel smothered or unless someone doesn't respect my deep held values. I have no problem with tlking to people, ignoring them for 3 weeks and then talking to them again. (But others have )


    I don't really know what to add, if someone needs to know anything I will ask it.

    Thanks a lot!

  2. #2
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    @lume I'd honestly say based on your writing style (I can explain further if you'd like) you are not a 5, 4 or 1-- that is, if English is your first language.

    My first instinct is that you really are a 9. Both your admission of being withdrawn and of being empathic (to the point of taking on the emotions of others) are both traits of 9. The Peacemaker is known to be "self forgetting" and is prone to embody the emotions and even opinions of others in order to maintain harmony-- their core fear is of separation from their loved ones at the hands of conflict. That said, the wing types for 9 (9w1 and 9w8) both incorporate a more direct, strong willed type which gives balance. I have observed a cooler demeanor with the 9w8's I know while the 9w1's are a bit more "dreamy" feeling. I actually have a 9w8 friend who has the same sort of feeling you do about physical touch, she's grown in that but still would not consider herself a "hugger" at all.

    All in all, I'm not sure which wing you are. Your mention of adherence to your values, or what you see as right points to 1 but some of what I mentioned above and your "trust issues" (as you put it) sound more like an 8 wing. We should all see traits of both the wings of our core in ourselves, but one is usually heavier.

    Hope that helps!
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  3. #3
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    I score 9>5>6>4>1(>3>2>7>8) and I'm a Type 9, if that means anything. Also, I've read that 9s are more likely to mistype as 5s than vice versa.

    I also saw a bit of w8, with the "I say what I think". So you may have an 8 wing (though, we have both adjacent types as wings), but as an introvert score most highly on the more introverted types.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    @lume I'd honestly say based on your writing style (I can explain further if you'd like) you are not a 5, 4 or 1-- that is, if English is your first language.

    My first instinct is that you really are a 9. Both your admission of being withdrawn and of being empathic (to the point of taking on the emotions of others) are both traits of 9. The Peacemaker is known to be "self forgetting" and is prone to embody the emotions and even opinions of others in order to maintain harmony-- their core fear is of separation from their loved ones at the hands of conflict. That said, the wing types for 9 (9w1 and 9w8) both incorporate a more direct, strong willed type which gives balance. I have observed a cooler demeanor with the 9w8's I know while the 9w1's are a bit more "dreamy" feeling. I actually have a 9w8 friend who has the same sort of feeling you do about physical touch, she's grown in that but still would not consider herself a "hugger" at all.

    All in all, I'm not sure which wing you are. Your mention of adherence to your values, or what you see as right points to 1 but some of what I mentioned above and your "trust issues" (as you put it) sound more like an 8 wing. We should all see traits of both the wings of our core in ourselves, but one is usually heavier.

    Hope that helps!
    thanks for the long response (: i'm sorry, english isn't my first language. I've just learned it in school. what about my writing stype said type 9?


    I forgot to mention that I'm somewhat in my head all the time, I dream alot and zone out even more, I distance myself a lot. It made me think im a 5, but i guess im really too emotional.

    my grandma, who knows me very well, typed me as a 9, but I don't think im that easygoing as 9s are described. im worried alot, especially as i began suffering from depression, but it gets better. if i'm hurt once, im not able to trust that person that hurt me again and i will always worry that i will be hurt again. i dont know if 9s do this?


    The 5 description just always gets me at that part about detachment and loss of connection to own feeling, but I read a few entries from enneagram 5s regarding how they deal wirh and experience emotions and it didnt sound like me


    im sorry if my english gave a wrong impression maybe, but i guess im somewhat intelligebt, at least everyone says that. i have an easy time grasping difficult theories, i somehow naturally always understood chemistry or something like that. but im very lazy, so my grades aren't thaat good. And it's just natural that i come across as confused cause im probably dreaming or thinking all the time

  5. #5
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    @lume Yikes, I actually almost asked about language but didn't want to offend you (if English was your first language). Appologies, my observation may not apply at all in that case (I was mostly noting your lack of capitalization, and punctuation blips). That said, I do still think you are a 9.

    I'm on the go at the moment, so I'll formulate a longer response later tonight. Just wanted to make sure I appologized promptly for the language thing.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  6. #6
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lume View Post
    thanks for the long response (: i'm sorry, english isn't my first language. I've just learned it in school. what about my writing stype said type 9?
    It wasn't so much that your writing style said 9, as it didn't say 1, 4 or 5 (in that those types tend to be very meticulous about grammar, punctuation etc., if all for different reasons). Even considering the fact that English isn't your first language, I still think it applies a bit-- especially considering you are fluent enough that I thought you were a native speaker (it's not very uncommon for people to type in a casual way, neglecting grammar and such).

    I forgot to mention that I'm somewhat in my head all the time, I dream alot and zone out even more, I distance myself a lot. It made me think im a 5, but i guess im really too emotional.
    If you are more driven by emotion, I would agree that's a pretty good indicator that you are not a core 5. What I really want to talk about here though is the bolded-- being zoned out, chill or day dream-ish are definite traits of 9, usually the motivation for this is to lessen the chace of conflict or bugging others. I have a 9 friend who says she makes herself small so she won't annoy anyone or cause unrest, she kind of just zones out to maintain a sense of peace. A couple 9's I know have mentioned a fear of (or disgust with) being annoying/obnoxious. Do you resonate with that at all?

    my grandma, who knows me very well, typed me as a 9, but I don't think im that easygoing as 9s are described. im worried alot, especially as i began suffering from depression, but it gets better. if i'm hurt once, im not able to trust that person that hurt me again and i will always worry that i will be hurt again. i dont know if 9s do this?
    The stress point of 9 is 6 which manifests in increased worry, fear, skepticism and worst case scenario thinking, it sounds like that's exactly what you experience under stress. I have a feeling it might give you a bit of clarity to read the Enneagram institute website's description of 9. The Personality Types overview of 9 is also great too.

    The 5 description just always gets me at that part about detachment and loss of connection to own feeling, but I read a few entries from enneagram 5s regarding how they deal wirh and experience emotions and it didnt sound like me
    That makes sense if you are a 9, the links above definitely address that tendency to check out or detach and the motivations behind it.

    im sorry if my english gave a wrong impression maybe, but i guess im somewhat intelligebt, at least everyone says that. i have an easy time grasping difficult theories, i somehow naturally always understood chemistry or something like that. but im very lazy, so my grades aren't thaat good. And it's just natural that i come across as confused cause im probably dreaming or thinking all the time
    Haha, not at all! Remember, I assumed you were mainly English speaking, so props for that! I'd love to hear what you make of the descriptions I linked to and where you end out with the Enneagram.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

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