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  1. #51
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Once I let go of the latter to a strong degree the facades fell away largely.

    I never was an introvert either (people laugh at the suggestion in IRL), I was just chronically depressed (really bipolar II) and mental disorders color personality a lot.
    Not to totally derail here, but I recently had this experience myself.

    It's funny. It's like as soon as I got away from the home and who I had to be to get by in suburban America, the elaborate defenses I constructed disintegrated. I'm glad they did. But it's been odd to realize that actually I'm NOT some depressive, overly-withdrawn loser and that my entire first quarter of a century is NOT what I'm really like. It's been a journey.

    PS, anyone IRL would laugh to hear I wasn't introverted, too (and did).

  2. #52
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    yeah no, I still think you are a 7.

    I've made an agreement with myself though not to build type-related cases for people unless I feel the individual needs to know - you know? Members here are overfocused on behavior imo when it comes to enneagram theory which I see as highly misguided and it becomes exhausting trying to be heard amongst all the "I'm not aggressive enough to be an 8" and "you're nothing like Robbin Williams."

    Does @highlander seem like a 6w5 sx to you? <-Remember that is going to be a counterphobic placement which when considering behavior on its own I think the answer for most people here is going to be a resounding "No." highlander does not behave like a Zarathustra at all does he? highlander behaves a lot like a 9. Why is that? Is it because he is a 9 or is it because he is older and has integrated to 9? According to what I've witnessed here...going off the behavior model that most members here make use of... highlander is mistyped.

    Everything you've said in this thread I would attribute to a healthy connection to e5.
    Maybe these would be helpful

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum....php?tubeid=92

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum....php?tubeid=98

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...php?tubeid=145

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...php?tubeid=147

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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    Likes Lady_X liked this post

  3. #53
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    Yeah but I've avoided type 9 for forever because i don't feel conflict avoident and i feel like i have pretty defined sense of self...i don't feel like i have any doormat tendencies
    Well, yeah. 9s don't feel like they're doormats at all. It was worse in my case, as I'm an INTJ, and I very much go my own way ... EXCEPT when I care about someone ... THEN I don't want to confront that turmoil of emotions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    ughh...boyfriend issues yet again...his type 4 shit is a lot. so i was reading about it and holy shit it was accurate. completely inconsistent emotionally. ughh
    Been there. Done that.

    Interestingly, in the stats you can google on 9 relationships, one not-very-scientific study (lots of potential selection effects) observed that 9s were married to 8s most often, and the next most often were the type 4s. I would imagine the 9/4 dynamic is that 9 can actually put up with the 4's drama better than most. But yes. Ugh.

    so i read 9...and really all was able to see how it was a closer fit....i relate to aspects of both but if i am a 7 i'd be like on health level one and have always been pretty healthy...but when reading 9 i could see that i'm often very healthy but could also relate to the lower levels of health...or realize how things could end up that way if i weren't careful. which to me makes more sense that one should be able to relate to all of it....
    Yes, the health levels are the key. Being a "very healthy" version of any type should be rare.

    and....i do feel very happy most times...but it is more sort of serene then elated.
    Exactly.

    i do feel like i merge with people...a lot.. i felt that was just sxness..
    i don't get bored with people any more than i get bored with myself...because people become parts of me...
    I think that's more sx-ness or even Ne-Fi-ness. I'm sp/so and don't feel like that at all.

    i don't feel like i bend to people but maybe i do?? if i really look at it...maybe i really fucking do??
    Yep.

    That was part of why I didn't initially identify with 9. The other thing to keep in mind that while people with particular personality traits tend to have the type 9 hope/fear patterns more often than those with other personality traits, having trait A or trait B does not indicate one's type reliably. You have to look at the hope/fear patterns to have a firm conclusion of type, just as I believe that you have to have a good understanding of "how you think" in order to know your MBTI with a high degree of certainty.

    I think this is why so many people CAN bend to people and really don't mind doing so, as they don't realize they're doing it.

    I also think this is perhaps because we (quite ironically) bend to people in order to MAINTAIN CONTROL. We aren't saying, "Yeah, I don't care about my desires," but rather we are chasing a particular desire: the desire to have that calm feeling of peace within ourselves. Anger feels out of control, peace feels in control. We feel like we're not sweating the small stuff. When someone appears to be deliberately provoking us, we feel like, "Ah ha! You thought you could make me angry, but you failed. Nyeah nyeah!"

    The problem isn't this peace-seeking attitude overall - it's the anger-ignoring attitude. The anger doesn't get dealt with. To use a chess analogy, we feel like we're simply protecting the king when we sidestep issues. But we aren't AWARE - sometimes we're protecting the queen, not the king, because the queen is so important, too. The queen represents our anger. If we protect ourselves from our anger, that means we aren't USING our anger in a productive way. Like with protecting the queen, once we realize we really need to be angry, it's far too late, and it's about 3 moves to checkmate. 9s need to learn to show anger productively sooner, and not automatically default to the peaceful attitude.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    like get up and clean my house when I'm mad?
    uh huh

    I don't clean house, but yeah, I don't confront while I'm FEELING angry at all. When forum stuff makes me angry, I just set it aside until I'm not angry. That's why most of my posts seem so calm and measured, and people are surprised if I apply any harshness at all.

    My personal weakness as a 9 isn't so much things like the forum, or work, or anywhere I've developed a lot of strengths which give me the confidence to be forceful when I need to be. But if I lack confidence, e.g., in a relationship, I'm much more likely to back off when I should probably confront.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  4. #54
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Kinda confused about the thread's direction: From the outside, it looks like she was just posting to share her self-insights, and it's become a pseudo "Please please tell me I'm wrong about my type" thread. I think we have a subforum for the latter?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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  6. #56
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    uh huh

    I don't clean house, but yeah, I don't confront while I'm FEELING angry at all. When forum stuff makes me angry, I just set it aside until I'm not angry. That's why most of my posts seem so calm and measured, and people are surprised if I apply any harshness at all.

    My personal weakness as a 9 isn't so much things like the forum, or work, or anywhere I've developed a lot of strengths which give me the confidence to be forceful when I need to be. But if I lack confidence, e.g., in a relationship, I'm much more likely to back off when I should probably confront.
    One thing that can confuse me about 9s is that sometimes they come across as much angrier than I'd expect. Like an 8 or cf 6. Makes me wonder if there's some sort of phobic/counterphobic split with type 9.
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  7. #57
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Well, each e type is usually based on a large underyling motivation/need in the psyche, right? But there are many variations on how that need might manifest and/or be played out, and what types of talents and skills a particular person might have, and how they grew up / environmental factors, and the instinctual variants, etc.

    9's disintegrate towards 6, interestingly.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #58
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    One thing that can confuse me about 9s is that sometimes they come across as much angrier than I'd expect. Like an 8 or cf 6. Makes me wonder if there's some sort of phobic/counterphobic split with type 9.
    Sorta kinda.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dryden
    Must I at length the Sword of Justice draw?
    Oh curst Effects of necessary Law!
    How ill my Fear they by my Mercy scan,
    Beware the Fury of a Patient Man.
    Because the anger is untended, it can come out VERY explosively, if the 9's guard is down.

    So true: "How ill my Fear they by my Mercy scan"
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  9. #59
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Kinda confused about the thread's direction: From the outside, it looks like she was just posting to share her self-insights, and it's become a pseudo "Please please tell me I'm wrong about my type" thread. I think we have a subforum for the latter?
    Thanks mamma bear :-)

    but no really it's good. I'm appreciating the feedback.

    Can't respond to everything yet as I'm in the car just waiting on something for a sec but I'll be back!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #60
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    Thanks mamma bear :-)

    but no really it's good. I'm appreciating the feedback.

    Can't respond to everything yet as I'm in the car just waiting on something for a sec but I'll be back!
    cool beans, just checking -- enjoy!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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