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  1. #181
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzy Conduit View Post
    If you often find yourself unwittengly becoming a mediator or advice giver to multiple sides of a conflict in your family (or some other social group), you may be a 9. People will seek it out and expect it of you. Well, that's often been my experience, at least. Meaning that I often find myself in the center of that shit whether or not I wanted to be involved. It can be stressful and yet I think there is a part of me that really enjoys or at least feels obligated to be the impartial mediator. It can also backfire though when you don't take someone's side and they hold it against you for trying to remain neutral. You know, because sometimes people are immature pricks and just assume you're going to take their side in any conflict.

    @Lady_X, other 9s, can anyone relate to this?
    sure yeah, i do.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #182
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    I don't wanna suggest a type for you or argue against one sis, but FWIW I do this too. I'll be kind of zoned out while everything is running smoothly up until someone asks "Chandler...doesn't that hurt?" and then it'll turn out that the pain in my leg I've been kind of dismissing is actually a poisonous bug bite haha.

    I also have a habit of not knowing what will be a problem for other people so I try to be as accommodating as possible (and by that I mean sacrificial of my needs) until I'm aware of what my limits are.
    you do? well hell.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #183
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Can you find / link to your video yet? That might help. Or make a new one?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #184
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    and...ive mentioned...years ago even that i felt like my karmic lesson was to learn to cope with loss.

    which is interesting now that i read that is the type 9 fear. i didn't even know that.

    it is the thing that i feel most protective of on a deep level. loosing connections with others makes me eternally sad and constantly less than whole feeling.

    ^^I've been meaning to come back to this and say that I very much relate to the above <-which is not necessarily an effort to strip e9 from you. I do not hide from you the fact I believe you are currently confusing NF + sx + e7 for e9... and yet I have so much faith in your understanding of yourself and the world around you. If in the end you settle on e9...you're e9 (perhaps you already have idk.)

    No, the message I have been wanting to put forth here was merely an acknowledgement of how challenging this all is...determining your e-type. e9s fear separation and loss...e7s deprivation and pain. What do you imagine though would cause an ENFP e7...an iNtuitive Feeler that is also a sx dom...to feel especially deprived and in pain? Well, I'm going with 'separation and loss' on this one...or at least that's what it is for me.

    I remember reading a while back (I apologize I don't have a source)...and would be curious if any of the 9s even relate to this... that a way to tell the difference between e7 and e9 is... does the individual wish for things to evolve, move forward out into the future? Or does the individual wish for things to not change but rather stay the same? <-This is not to say that e9s are against improvement...but whereas the 7 desires that which is new and interesting... the 9 is wary of it. The primary fear is separation and they do not readily engage anything they feel may end up causing it. For 7 sx...merging is a starting point. From everything I've gathered on the subject 9s tend to view merging as an ending point.
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  5. #185
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    ^^I've been meaning to come back to this and say that I very much relate to the above <-which is not necessarily an effort to strip e9 from you. I do not hide from you the fact I believe you are currently confusing NF + sx + e7 for e9... and yet I have so much faith in your understanding of yourself and the world around you. If in the end you settle on e9...you're e9 (perhaps you already have idk.)
    Or it might be that Lady X is now dealing more with issues of anger (via e9) instead of issues of fear (e7).

    No, the message I have been wanting to put forth here was merely an acknowledgement of how challenging this all is...determining your e-type. e9s fear separation and loss...e7s deprivation and pain. What do you imagine though would cause an ENFP e7...an iNtuitive Feeler that is also a sx dom...to feel especially deprived and in pain? Well, I'm going with 'separation and loss' on this one...or at least that's what it is for me.
    e9 is definitely a fear of loss, whether of people or of situations or whatever one values. e9 learns that expressing anger very easily leads to loss, especially loss of other people in one's life.

    I remember reading a while back (I apologize I don't have a source)...and would be curious if any of the 9s even relate to this... that a way to tell the difference between e7 and e9 is... does the individual wish for things to evolve, move forward out into the future? Or does the individual wish for things to not change but rather stay the same? <-This is not to say that e9s are against improvement...but whereas the 7 desires that which is new and interesting... the 9 is wary of it. The primary fear is separation and they do not readily engage anything they feel may end up causing it. For 7 sx...merging is a starting point. From everything I've gathered on the subject 9s tend to view merging as an ending point.
    There is definitely a 9-ish fear of changing situations (more of a fear of changes which involve loss, of remove of the steady ground upon which one is standing), which would appear to be opposite of the 7's typical coping mechanism of seeking out new and interesting things. I don't think that it's quite that much an opposite, though. If that which is new doesn't involve the loss of that which one already has, there is no conflict between the two.

    I think I'd agree that merging (to whatever extent) is more of an end point for 9s. It may be a bit difficult for me to say, as I'm an sp/so 9, so sx merging really doesn't factor in for me. What would a 9 sx do?
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
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  6. #186
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Yeah it would be fantastic to get some type 9 sx and some non 729 peeps up in here.

    starry...that all makes sense but at the same time feels like everything has to be twisted and turned just so to make it fit...which feels off to me..

    but yeah merging is the beginning for me...And i love and crave change....le sigh
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #187
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Haha yeah, its honestly hard to help through my own experience since I'm still torn between 729 and 728 myself!
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  8. #188
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady_X View Post
    but yeah merging is the beginning for me...And i love and crave change....le sigh
    The question is WHY you love and crave change. You are an Ne-dom, after all. My being Ni-dom doesn't make me e5 or e6.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  9. #189
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I remember reading a while back (I apologize I don't have a source)...and would be curious if any of the 9s even relate to this... that a way to tell the difference between e7 and e9 is... does the individual wish for things to evolve, move forward out into the future? Or does the individual wish for things to not change but rather stay the same? <-This is not to say that e9s are against improvement...but whereas the 7 desires that which is new and interesting... the 9 is wary of it.
    The difference is focus on the future v living in the present.

    As a Ne dom it is not accurate to say I want things to stay the same or that I resist new and interesting, that would be boring, routine is very hard for me to maintain for this reason, it's uninspired, I do not however live in the future at the expense of the moment, when something fantastic happens I can be 'in' it and feel satisfied with that moment. A 7 would be more inclined to quickly move to "what next", to me it has a 'chase the high' kind of vibe to it. The other element is as much as I adore new and 'adventure' I'm not quick to move to make things happen, I can float along until I hit resistance or opportunity pretty easily, because along with my love of change comes a love of comfort and so long as there is new mental material for my Ne to chew on I can be satisfied.

    As a non Sx dom 9, merging with other's agendas is something that can happen (especially with groups) however it is not something I seek.


    @The King Of Dreams is an ENFP 9w1 Sx/So (972), he may be able to answer questions @Lady_X

  10. #190
    metamorphosing Flâneuse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I remember reading a while back (I apologize I don't have a source)...and would be curious if any of the 9s even relate to this... that a way to tell the difference between e7 and e9 is... does the individual wish for things to evolve, move forward out into the future? Or does the individual wish for things to not change but rather stay the same? <-This is not to say that e9s are against improvement...but whereas the 7 desires that which is new and interesting... the 9 is wary of it. The primary fear is separation and they do not readily engage anything they feel may end up causing it. For 7 sx...merging is a starting point. From everything I've gathered on the subject 9s tend to view merging as an ending point.
    In most aspects of my life (other than relationships)**, I actually crave change but I feel like I don't have the energy to bring it about. In response to feeling bored or stifled, instead of actively pursuing change like a Seven I often make plans that I rarely carry out or spend an excessive amount of time seeking stimulation that doesn't require much action (daydreaming, listening to music, reading, etc.) There's a focus on changing inner scenery to avoid having to take action to change the outer scenery of my life.

    I agree with what you said about merging being an ending point for 9s. I've never consciously thought about it this way until now, but I think my desire for change is really a desire to find something I value enough to stick with permanently (and to lose myself in, though I'm aware this isn't healthy). **If I feel merged to something (often a relationship), I don't want change...I feel like I could keep it forever and it's painful (sometimes on and off for years) when it comes to an end. Maybe Sevens have a more unconditional need for change and variety, and their feelings of connection are conditional on whether or not they find something stimulating and interesting? I'm picky about what/who I get attached to, but once I experience that rare sense of union/merging, I'll probably value that thing for a very long time, even when it's no longer new, exciting, or mentally stimulating. (I've felt emotionally attached to people who I actually found dry and simple.) I can see myself maintaining feelings of attachment in a relationship even when it's no longer beneficial for me, when there are no interesting dynamics and we're not learning anything from each other.

    I'm 9w1 sp/sx rather than sx-dom, so this probably won't be that helpful for Lady_X's self-typing, but I felt the need to share it anyway.
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