[Traditional Enneagram] Two Sx doms in an obsessive relationship

[lauranna]

Wondering if anyone has any experience of this? I'm in this crazy obsessive love almost at the expense of everything else. We just want to be together all the time. 1 minute madly in love the next minute hating each other for no good reason.

I'm a 9w8 sx/sp ISTP and I'm pretty sure she's a pretty pure 8 sx/sp ISTJ.

Any advice appreciated. It's this crazy emotional roller coaster, I feel like a crack addict, sometimes I just don't know if it is the best thing in the world ever or the worst.

 

[Amargith]

Come up for air, once a while. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder, especially between sx-doms, I find, and helps you manage that junkie-like effect you otherwise have on each other which inevitably leads to drama and fights. I personally need a break from my guy after 6 days or we fight like mad and he's an sp-dom. Back in the day with my sx-so ex, I couldn't spend 3 full days with him without there being some serious tension.

Besides even you can't keep this up long-term. There's a reason infatuation and obsession ends in long-term relationships - it can get you killed

So..pace it a bit, if only for your own sanity and enjoy it that much more when you do indulge in it. Remember, recreational highs only

 

[lauranna]

Wise old Amargith, how I have missed your advice! We have been together a year now. We live together, I miss her when I go anywhere without her she's all I can think about it's driving me crazy!

 

[Amargith]

Wise old Amargith, how I have missed your advice! We have been together a year now. We live together, I miss her when I go anywhere without her she's all I can think about it's driving me crazy!

Yeah, that stage can last a good 2-3 years so please don't get yourself killed meanwhile!
It's kind of d'aww though...I miss that phase, myself, though i still find myself missing him after 3 days of absence <3

And it is so good to see you around these parts again

 

[lauranna]

Thanks you ;-) yeah you know had life and stuff on. Seems like I always head back here for advice when love gets messy. There's something about you personality experts you see things better than I can from where I am.

I guess I'm just saying I don't know if it is good for me. I feel so much more than I ever do. I'm overrun with emotions unnatural to me. I'm having outbursts of tears when we fall out (don't tell anyone it will ruin my reputation).
I almost don't recognise myself anymore!

 

[Amargith]

Thanks you ;-) yeah you know had life and stuff on. Seems like I always head back here for advice when love gets messy. There's something about you personality experts you see things better than I can from where I am.

I guess I'm just saying I don't know if it is good for me. I feel so much more than I ever do. I'm overrun with emotions unnatural to me. I'm having outbursts of tears when we fall out (don't tell anyone it will ruin my reputation).
I almost don't recognise myself anymore!

D'awwwwwww. I won't, I promise

Well...perhaps you can use it as a signal to catch up on this stuff? Intense emotions are hard to navigate for sure, but you yourself are experiencing the benefits they reap you as well. The only thing you can do is be patient with each other with this stuff and give each other the benefit of the doubt while you figure it out, really.

Keep in mind that arguing is part of being a couple. It's natural, it's healthy and it's communication. The only thing you have to make sure of is that you actually argue productively. Arguing is meant to resolve things in a win-win situation for both of you. It's not about winning, but about finding a way to deal with the situation that will make everybody relatively happy and allow them to voice their grievances - and be heard! And normally, if you do that, you should feel relatively secure despite fighting with each other in the relationship - because you know that together you can work through it and figure out a solution for whatever it was that got in the way. That way you can also guarantee that you won't be having the same argument over and over again. So, it's important to master a dynamic that works for both of you and that you can rely on so it gives you some...peace of mind, even during the fights.

Meanwhile, be patient with yourself when you have these outbursts and learn to laugh at yourself for them. Treasure it and be curious about it - it'll teach you so much about yourself

There is no shame to this - in fact, it means that you're free to experience the other side of the coin as well - extreme bliss and happiness, and that is definitely a good thing.

Ps: I really missed you

 

[lauranna]

Haha missed you to Amargith, good to be back ;-)

 

[Tem]

I had this with who I thought was an Sx-dom too but realized later on she was just an obsessive type 2 -- SP-dom.

If it feels unhealthy to you, it's unhealthy. I urge you to trust your instincts.

That being said I wouldn't say stop -- I think that it's worth the experience.

 

[Dannik]

Hi, I am also an ISTP 9w8, but I am SP/SX.

1 minute madly in love the next minute hating each other for no good reason.

It's this crazy emotional roller coaster, I feel like a crack addict, sometimes I just don't know if it is the best thing in the world ever or the worst.

If it was me, if it was that tumultuous, I would end it.
I don't see any interest if there is antagonism.

 

[lauranna]

Thanks [MENTION=20418]Dannik[/MENTION] things are smoother now. I guess time will tell if it works or not!