• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[Traditional Enneagram] Enneagram 8: Why can't I ask you guys questions?

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Notice how you interpreted my response? As if 8s are threatened? Is it in the least bit possible that it's not because of threat but because it's really none of your business?

You have a point. I just assumed it was because you felt threatened. I thought that this was the nature of the beast.

not an 8, but I relate to all this (though I don't so much care about people being stupid as much as peeps being up in my grill). It's easy to tell when someone is trying to push an agenda or condescend, so I shut that shit down real quick (at which point, it's usually very easy and often requires no words at all. the longer you let people get away with bullshit like that, the harder you need to whip them).
andante and The Great One

LOL that was a classic 8/6 interaction :laugh:

1) LOL yes that basically personified 6/8 interaction to a T.

2) Another point that I would like to make is that many times in doing a task or trying to understand something, when I am asking my boatload of questions, it angers the 8's. So what I will do is just not ask questions in order to avoid confrontation. Then, once it's actually time to do the task, I won't know how to do it, and the 8 will look at me like I'm an incompetent dipshit. You are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Yeah, I had an ESTP 8 boss who was like this everytime I asked him to clarify something (and I really had to ask him because he was extremely picky about work being done exactly the way he wanted, and the way he wanted was fairly different from my natural style). Not to mention whenever anyone said something that went "over his head" - comment: "lol he's really stupid he can't even explain his ideas".

I understand it's often a matter of being time-sensitive when there's a lot of stuff to do, but then you're asking the people around you to be mind readers rather than hard workers.

Yes, yes, that's it. I feel like 8's want you to be some type of mind reader and it angers me to no end.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
See I think that this is the impression that 8's get from me: That I am trying to get into their heads, scan for their weaknesses, or pry into their business. However, this is not the case. What I am attempting to do by asking these questions is to just shoot the shit with them, try to be friendly with them, and try to understand who they are. I don't understand why 8's view this as such a threat.

If you have an agenda, are trying to pump me for information about myself or other people, or generally being a repetitive pain, we're done.


Well many times I ask questions in order to just understand how to thoroughly perform a task, or in order to completely grasp a subject. As a core 6, I constantly think that I am going to fuck things up, and I ask questions in order to avoid messing things up. After all, the more you know about how to do a task , the less chance you have of making an error. However, I guess 8's think that this is showing a sign of weakness by questioning yourself and your abilities in the first place. Also, I guess 8's are so gut center that they don't understand why I think about how to do something so much, and why I am not actually doing it.

I would wonder why you aren't actually doing it. I don't have an issue with wanting clarification on something but you can't stand still and just ask questions. My thought would be that you don't want to and/or don't plan to do anything.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
My thought would be that you don't want to and/or don't plan to do anything.

That's fairly weird. Especially since many 8s I know are fairly demanding, and will quickly get pissed if you don't perform a task the way they want. So either I listen to them being pissed, and eventually get fired, or I'll have to ask repeatedly to know how they want me to execute the task.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
That's fairly weird. Especially since many 8s I know are fairly demanding, and will quickly get pissed if you don't perform a task the way they want. So either I listen to them being pissed, and eventually get fired, or I'll have to ask repeatedly to know how they want me to execute the task.

I was like that when I was younger but I don't want to expend that kind of energy now.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Watching 6s and 8s in action in a work/business kind of environment the thing that tends to stand out most is 6s typically need to cover all bases and be sure within themselves that something is the best move which can make them resistant to change except on their own schedule and can be slow to accepting anothers directions as they want to make up their own mind, they can also often (especially if phobic) suggest they're 'sorry for asking' as they're asking.

8s will jump in quick, they'll see that the answer is 'obviously X' so make the required changes and explaining the why to appease someone else's doubt is pulling them back from moving into action, they'll do it if there is a need but repeating over and over again is wasting their time, efficiency and action matters, they also appreciate bluntness, not trepidation when asking something, so with the two different approaches frustration often ensures, which is shown by the 8 as impatience.

The best approach with 8s is: Be direct. If you've asked them once, and don't get it, ask someone else to explain in a different manner, if you cannot do that it is better to annoy them for clarification then do it wrong (just don't apologise over and over while you're asking), both approaches can be unappreciated but the latter is much worse.

Plus what Jock said.
 

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
650
MBTI Type
SeFi
Enneagram
4
Every enneagram 8 that I have ever known absolutely hates me to ask them questions. They like to get straight and to the point with things, and they want you to get something as fast as possible. Another thing is that if you don't just get something right off the bat, and need to ask more questions to clarify, then they look at you like you are some kind of idiot or something. Oh, and God forbid you need them to repeat themselves, then they really hate you. Has anyone else experienced this with type 8's.

[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]

You might like this thread.


My ex / love of my life is an 8w7 Sx/Sp ESFP .. I can ask him anything I want, but I would not recommend anyone else asking him something about me, ie "She's hot, is she taken?" - I would fear for their safety.

I am not suggesting all SX 8w7s are like this. He's over the top. I love him for it, but I also recognize that I've never met anyone else quite like him….

Outside of situations involving me & other guys, I've never seen him attack someone over something minor. He's pretty open & willing to help people & answer questions, though he will push them harder than most.

My 8w9 Sp life-long friend/ "soul brother" lets me pick his brain. He's quite reasonable. But if he doesn't know someone well, his answers will not be more than two or three words, and usually won't reveal anything about himself.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
So in other words, as long as they are not prying into you and trying to get into your head, questions are okay?

Even then. It's mostly if I feel questions are stupid or investigative in nature. Curiosity is fine. Asking me what my views are politically on abortion and I'll usually shut down because no one wins that conversation, and usually people are trying to get a rise or start a fire with those sort of things.

And there are some things that are stupid/ common sense seeming to me. It irritates me when people ask things like, "what's wrong? " after an incident that is clearly easy to identify the root of my anger if they truly wanted to play detective and find out.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
[MENTION=4050]ceecee[/MENTION]

If you have an agenda, are trying to pump me for information about myself or other people, or generally being a repetitive pain, we're done.

This is another thing that angers 8's that I do. I often ask 8's to repeat themselves for clarity. It seems that 8's absolutely hate to repeat themselves. Why is that?

I would wonder why you aren't actually doing it. I don't have an issue with wanting clarification on something but you can't stand still and just ask questions. My thought would be that you don't want to and/or don't plan to do anything.

This raises another point. Being ENTP and a core head center type, I really am not that action oriented. I will eventually take action, but I want to just sit and talk about how something is going to be done and understand all of the mechanics behind how the task will be performed before I actually perform it. This drives 8's nuts, because it seems that they want to give someone a very brief preview over how something will be done, and then they just expect that person to jump into action. This is not how I function at all, and it makes most type 8's livid.

Watching 6s and 8s in action in a work/business kind of environment the thing that tends to stand out most is 6s typically need to cover all bases and be sure within themselves that something is the best move which can make them resistant to change except on their own schedule and can be slow to accepting anothers directions as they want to make up their own mind, they can also often (especially if phobic) suggest they're 'sorry for asking' as they're asking.

8s will jump in quick, they'll see that the answer is 'obviously X' so make the required changes and explaining the why to appease someone else's doubt is pulling them back from moving into action, they'll do it if there is a need but repeating over and over again is wasting their time, efficiency and action matters, they also appreciate bluntness, not trepidation when asking something, so with the two different approaches frustration often ensures, which is shown by the 8 as impatience.

The best approach with 8s is: Be direct. If you've asked them once, and don't get it, ask someone else to explain in a different manner, if you cannot do that it is better to annoy them for clarification then do it wrong (just don't apologise over and over while you're asking), both approaches can be unappreciated but the latter is much worse.

Plus what Jock said.

1) Yes, I couldn't have put it better myself.

2) My problem is that I have an 8w9 co-worker and he wants you to get things lightning fast with very little clarification. Plus, he does a shitty job of explaining things in the first place. When I ask for clarification he gets furious and laughs at me like I'm some type of dumbass for not just getting it, right off the bat. This makes me want to punch him in the face. Anyway, so it's a tough situation because my co-worker is the only other person that works with me at night because I work the night shift and it's dead. So all I have is him to rely on. I guess what I will have to (like you said) annoy the hell out of my co-worker and bombard him with questions.

My ex / love of my life is an 8w7 Sx/Sp ESFP .. I can ask him anything I want, but I would not recommend anyone else asking him something about me, ie "She's hot, is she taken?" - I would fear for their safety.

I am not suggesting all SX 8w7s are like this. He's over the top. I love him for it, but I also recognize that I've never met anyone else quite like him….

Outside of situations involving me & other guys, I've never seen him attack someone over something minor. He's pretty open & willing to help people & answer questions, though he will push them harder than most.

My 8w9 Sp life-long friend/ "soul brother" lets me pick his brain. He's quite reasonable. But if he doesn't know someone well, his answers will not be more than two or three words, and usually won't reveal anything about himself.

The Sp 8's are really my favorites because they are the easiest to deal with IMO. I generally despise the SX dom 8's the most because they are almost like savage beasts. They are so gut center that they almost seem more like animals than humans, i.e., Kratos from "God of War", Drogo from "Game of Thrones", Wolverine from "X-Men", etc.


Even then. It's mostly if I feel questions are stupid or investigative in nature. Curiosity is fine. Asking me what my views are politically on abortion and I'll usually shut down because no one wins that conversation, and usually people are trying to get a rise or start a fire with those sort of things.

And there are some things that are stupid/ common sense seeming to me. It irritates me when people ask things like, "what's wrong? " after an incident that is clearly easy to identify the root of my anger if they truly wanted to play detective and find out.

Another thing I hate about 8's: if they think that something is common sense to them or if they personally think that the question is stupid, they often won't answer it. It seems like it's like pulling an arm and a leg to get 8's to empathize with you, come down to your level, and realize that not everyone may have their level of understanding on a subject.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
This is another thing that angers 8's that I do. I often ask 8's to repeat themselves for clarity. It seems that 8's absolutely hate to repeat themselves. Why is that?

Usually I get angry about that because whatever I just said probably took a lot of effort to say in the first place. I don't mind repeating myself when someone didn't hear me.. but when they did? and I just told them something pretty personal and shared something vulnerable only to get back "wait, what?" as if they weren't paying attention in the first place? Immediately annoying. Instead of saying "Wait, repeat that again?" it's much, much better to ask, "I understood you saying you x, but not y. Is that right? Why?"

Another thing I hate about 8's: if they think that something is common sense to them or if they personally think that the question is stupid, they often won't answer it. It seems like it's like pulling an arm and a leg to get 8's to empathize with you, come down to your level, and realize that not everyone may have their level of understanding on a subject.

It is rather annoying, and I'm entirely guilty of it. If a date pisses me off, I assume he knows WHY I'm mad. :laugh: Typically he doesn't though. But to me it's really obvious--even if you DIDN'T know, just think back to when my mood changed.. what did you say/do right before then? What happened then? It's a better clue to say, "Why did me saying you're thin piss you off?" than "What did I do?! I didn't do ANYTHING!"
 

Redbone

Orisha
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,882
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Even then. It's mostly if I feel questions are stupid or investigative in nature. Curiosity is fine. Asking me what my views are politically on abortion and I'll usually shut down because no one wins that conversation, and usually people are trying to get a rise or start a fire with those sort of things.

And there are some things that are stupid/ common sense seeming to me. It irritates me when people ask things like, "what's wrong? " after an incident that is clearly easy to identify the root of my anger if they truly wanted to play detective and find out.

Yes...this. For me, these indirect, proby-poky, 'feel you out' questions are the worst. I hate sneakiness.

And what [MENTION=10808]andante[/MENTION] said...it's just none of your business...that is all. No more, no less.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
I'll answer a question and help you get the concept the first time.

From there you either get it or you don't.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
[MENTION=4050]ceecee[/MENTION]
This is another thing that angers 8's that I do. I often ask 8's to repeat themselves for clarity. It seems that 8's absolutely hate to repeat themselves. Why is that?

Well let me ask you this. If you had to explain a task that someone did every day, same time, same way and still asked for clarification, where would you draw the line and say - you can't learn this and I can't explain it any more clearly? Maybe it wouldn't have to be repeated if that person seeking clarification learned it another way, for instance. Why is your learning placed on us? That's probably what is so angering for 8's, although I can't say for sure for every 8.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
Yes...this. For me, these indirect, proby-poky, 'feel you out' questions are the worst. I hate sneakiness.

Exactly. Just ask me. (For example.) Don't poke around seeing if I like softball, or if I usually wear cargo shorts, or if I know how to put on make-up. Ask me if I'm gay, because that's what you're getting at.
 

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
650
MBTI Type
SeFi
Enneagram
4
The Sp 8's are really my favorites because they are the easiest to deal with IMO. I generally despise the SX dom 8's the most because they are almost like savage beasts. They are so gut center that they almost seem more like animals than humans, i.e., Kratos from "God of War", Drogo from "Game of Thrones", Wolverine from "X-Men", etc.

Haha!

Yeah, for years I've been saying that my ex is the real Animal. I'm just a poser. ;)

I didn't name myself Animal because of him. It's because of my keen senses, instincts and my own reasons. But I just find it funny in comparison to him because he really is a savage beast. I FUCKING LOVE IT.

I fully, whole-heartedly agree with this description. I only differ in the sense that..ugh.. it turns me on.. <3
Or at least, my ex turns me on.
I love that man so hard.


Admittedly my Sp-8 friend is very easy to deal with in comparison.
 

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
650
MBTI Type
SeFi
Enneagram
4
I'm not sure. I feel I lean more towards 8w9 but I have gotten 8w7 on past tests too.

Ah ok. Not claiming to know you better than you know yourself =) but based on some posts in this thread I felt an 8w9 vibe, so I was just curious if I was right.

I share your conundrum though. It took me forever to figure out my wing.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Ah ok. Not claiming to know you better than you know yourself =) but based on some posts in this thread I felt an 8w9 vibe, so I was just curious if I was right.

I share your conundrum though. It took me forever to figure out my wing.

8w9 feels right but I often wonder if that's just age and maturity talking or what I really am. Dunno. I'm sure I'm sp, probably sp/sx so I'm sure that's all playing a role too. I'll figure it out sometime. :laugh:
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
You have a point. I just assumed it was because you felt threatened. I thought that this was the nature of the beast.
Look at it from my perspective. If I give you a direct response like 'it's none of your business', this means, it's none of your business and if you can't grasp as simple a concept as this, why would I waste anymore time explaining the same concept to you, over and over again when the language used wasn't in the least ambiguous?

So if an 8 says 'hi', do you wonder if they want to kill you and insist that's the case since that's the nature of the beast?
 
Top