[Traditional Enneagram] Same enneatype with opposite stacking vs. same stacking among dissimilar enneatypes

[Such Irony]

Here's a question for all you enneagram enthusiasts out there:

Do you find you relate better to people who share your enneatype/wing combo even if they have the opposite stacking? Or do you relate better to people who share your stacking even if their enneatype/wing combo is the one that's most dissimilar to yours?

 

[brainheart]

Enneatype wing combo. I don't even relate that well to other sp/sx types- moreso sx/sp or sx/so of the non-fours. My guess is that because for most other sp types the focus is on financial security, etc. They're a lot more materialistic.

Conversely, I have a good friend who is a 4w5 sx/sp and another who is 4w5 so/sp and we get each other really well.

The wing doesn't even really matter much, either. The core four deal is paramount. As [MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION] said, I'm 4w5-4w4-4w4.

 

[Zarathustra]

Very interesting question.

I think I might actually relate more to the people of the same instinctual stacking.

There's an energy to sx/so people that is just different than most people, and you can feel it.

That being said, I notice 6s, and can relate to them a good deal, despite instinctual stacking differences.

 

[HongDou]

Definitely instinctual stacking, I can relate to various types ranging from from E1 (EJCC), E2 (Showbread), E4 (ayoitsStepho), and E6 (skylights) since the certain so/sx energy that permeates through my interaction more than me being E7 is still there. Even Pseudo (E5) I relate to after reading her posts - what she believes in, how she argues, etc.

Not that I don't relate to people like Starry or Lady X - I just relate to them for different reasons.

A bit of theorizing for a second - I might expect social-lasts to relate to those of their E-Type more than social-seconds or social-firsts, because seeing how other people interact in the world, how you come off to others, etc is kind of pushed to the back of their mind. Just a random thought though.

 

[EJCC]

Definitely instinctual stacking, I can relate to various types ranging from from E1 (EJCC), E2 (Showbread), E4 (ayoitsStepho), and E6 (skylights) since the certain so/sx energy that permeates through my interaction more than me being E7 is still there. Even Pseudo (E5) I relate to after reading her posts - what she believes in, how she argues, etc.

I relate to that same handful of people for the same reason. Almost more than the only other actively posting e1/ESTJ here... No offense to [MENTION=15246]SD45T-2[/MENTION]. I really relate to him, but our vibes are VERY different.

Edit: My theory on this, is that people probably "vibe" more like people with the same stacking, than others of their type with different stackings? Not sure, but my experience fits the theory.

 

[cascadeco]

For me, I relate more to fellow e-4's than to so/sp's of other types.

 

[Animal]

I am most similar to other e-4s.

Most of my closest friends are 6's of various instincts but it's more of a mutual admiration/ filling in where the other lacks, rather than a mirroring deal.

The people who have felt like "mirrors," in retrospect, were all core 4s.

One was a 4w3SX . I relate to him more but like him less than the others. Me & the 4w3 SX were intensely competitive with each other, in a very direct way - even had physical fights (and I'm female). He was gay and hit on guys that I liked, even slept with one of them. He always told me I was exactly like him, and it pissed me off becuase I knew how true it was.

I had more in common .. in a deep way.. with a particular male 4w5 So who I dated, though. We had similar tastes, even dressed the same and looked like twins. We were eerily similar, but I suppose he didnt disgust me as much as the other guy .

I relate tremendously to a 4w3 SO who I am talking to lately. We have almost nothing in common at surface or presentation, but deep down we get each other.

 

[brainheart]

I relate tremendously to a 4w3 SO who I am talking to lately. We have almost nothing in common at surface or presentation, but deep down we get each other.

That's exactly it.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

I don't relate to people in general.

I especially don't relate to other people of my core type (I discount wing in this case), since I'm a weird, half-formed version of my type and being next to them honestly just makes me feel inferior. If I may say so.

Instinct? Well as near as I can tell, I'm sx-first, yet reading others' accounts on personality subforums makes me wonder if all sx-firsts are not completely batshit. I don't relate to their descriptions of themselves (and that's generally the newbies--"I'm so intense and awesome, I OOZE sex appeal and people are mysteriously drawn to me and blech").

That said, I've interacted with a number of sp-firsts IRL and their concerns just irk me. Socials, I'm kind of neutral on. I don't actually know that many sexuals; tend to get along great with them if I meet them, though. I wouldn't say that's "relating", however.

EDIT: I see other people are having these great moments of recognition on very deep levels with people of similar core type, wing, and instinct. I hope one day to join you all.

 

[Flâneuse]

I definitely relate to other 9w1s better, even if they have the opposite stacking (so/sx). I find the similarities between me and non-9 sp/sx types to be pretty superficial (like greater introversion and similar vibes/energy), unless they're also Fi-dom.
I think the stackings manifest in very different ways in all the e-types. It's rare for me to read a stacking description that really seems like it could encompass all 18 type/wing combos with that stacking.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I relate to those of my core type the most, by a large margin. Instinctual stack doesn't seem to make much difference, except that those who are so-dom & totally different types (different core, different Jungian type) will seem quite foreign. I guess the closer someone is to my types, the easier I can relate to them.

I've met 4s, but not been close to many, especially 4w5s. I see from the outside now how withdrawn & hard to get to know we are. I find it hard to get to know them also; it's as if most have keep themselves just out of reach on purpose. I see how their faces look sad, longing, discontent, haughty, etc. I see them appearing refined, distinct & offbeat, but in a quiet way (not a showy way). I can see why people form the impressions of me that they do, and I get to see/hear others express impressions of them, which is interesting.

I relate somewhat to those of my wing, mainly 5w4, but some 3w4 also (if also, say, artists or NFs).

I relate to IxFPs & especially INFPs who are not my core type also. Most INFPs I've met & been close to were 9s, and it's an interesting comparison/contrast (very similar thinking; strikingly so....but different demeanors).

Being able to see myself in people now has been eye-opening & refreshing. I couldn't or wouldn't do it when young, when growing up, and of course I felt alienated & defective, etc, etc. I find it easier to relate to most people now, but when someone really strikes me as having similar demeanor or thinking, it's almost always a 4 &/or INFP.

 

[Eugene Watson VIII]

I find I relate to other 6s and 9s (currently figuring out which one I am) quite a lot, and 7s, even though that isn't my type. I don't recall ever making friends with an enneatype 8, two in specific were most probably sp/sx like me but I just couldn't get along. Nothing like being declined as a friend on facebook. Oh well, their loss. As for other types I get along with most 4s and 1s that I know of, especially 4w3. One of my 'friends' was a narcissistic 3 (probably) and he was just evil. Mocking teachers and putting people down. He was probably a sp/so but he was the worst, until he integrated into 6, where he seemed to coincidentally use the usual social norms and graces. Or maybe he was just tired of being such an asshole.

 

[Southern Kross]

It's a bit of a mix for me. I can potentially relate well to both and I haven't paid attention enough to really figure out which is better for me. There's a lightness to Social-firsts that puts me at ease, but 4s can talk more in depth about the same sorts of things I think about, in the way I like to talk about them. I certainly haven't found a negative correlation to particular types or stackings either.

Although, IRL I can pick up instinctual variants better than core type. I can't say I've met anyone that I knew was a 4. I'm sure I have come across them, but I haven't clearly registered it.

 

[Noll]

I relate the most to those of my own type (social 4) but I also relate a lot to self-preservation 5s, 6s as well as 9s. I also relate a lot to 1s in a way, and I really like them if we have the same opinions about the world that is. I'd love to have a 1 as a best friend. 3w2 so/sp are completely alien to me, I hate to be judgemental, but in everyday life they are the type and stacking to bother me the absolute most. Not because they actively harm anyone, they are usually very nice and charming. I just don't like what I've read about them, they seem superficial and a little arrogant, and that's the impression I get from them too. You get a feeling they're hiding something. But I can also understand that behavior and I don't mean to completely judge anyone who is that type. Counterphobic 6w7s are very hard to understand in my opinion (I have known two counter-phobic 6w7s who were absolute emotional wrecks), 8s are actually fairly easy to understand, and from my experience they've always been pretty nice. They do seem a little silly when reading about them, but Jack Black and my uncle are 8s! I love those two. Immature 8s might be a different story though, I'm not sure. I've not met or seen enough 2s to clearly be able to say anything about them, I don't truly understand 7s a lot but they are usually very nice. 7s are the only ones who have tried to befriend me at my school, of course it hasn't worked, I still appreciate it though. They may be a little annoying sometimes though, at least social-dom. But they come across as very non-judgemental and they'll try to befriend anyone regardless of social status, from my experience. I like that a lot, makes me feel warm inside. One of the people I've had the most feuds with in my life though was a 4w3 sx/so, that guy was a jerk! But he was also a very great friend sometimes. I remember that we had a lot of PHYSICAL fights when we were a lot younger, of course, he was stronger than me. I forgot to mention that 5s and 7s are great at humor.

 

[Starry]

Definitely instinctual stacking, I can relate to various types ranging from from E1 (EJCC), E2 (Showbread), E4 (ayoitsStepho), and E6 (skylights) since the certain so/sx energy that permeates through my interaction more than me being E7 is still there. Even Pseudo (E5) I relate to after reading her posts - what she believes in, how she argues, etc.

Not that I don't relate to people like Starry or Lady X - I just relate to them for different reasons.

A bit of theorizing for a second - I might expect social-lasts to relate to those of their E-Type more than social-seconds or social-firsts, because seeing how other people interact in the world, how you come off to others, etc is kind of pushed to the back of their mind. Just a random thought though.

Why are you totally trying to distance yourself from Lady X and myself in this post? And right after you sent me that enneagram 7 "Will you be my best friend forever and ever...?" Yes/No note * care-package combo too...

haha...I'm entering into the Sunday evening "wow, there's way more crap I put off and now need to get done prior to Mon/tomorrow morning than I thought" phase... starting off tonight's line-up with a load of laundry And so I decided to go through my old mentions that you may have edited out.

I'm not entirely sure how the question was presented haha but umm...if it's asking what I think it's asking (yes, I'm too lazy to scroll up right now I'm admitting that)... I relate too both really. I have so little social variant in me that I have a hard time with social doms in general...unless sx is right there fighting its way to the top/dom position (Chanaynay)...and so doms from my own e-type are no exception in spite of being able to relate to what they say. I have no time in my life for people with divided attentions...and that do things with what is experienced by me as "multiple motives" especially because those motives seem to have a mind for image and status. I'm not a fan of showy but watered-down things and so I prefer...I identify most with the full-potency of the sx dom.


edit: omg im laughing because I saw the thread title just now and soon realized I'm answering some made-up question in my mind. Sorry Such Irony um...maybe I'll figure it out in a bit here.

 

[á´…eparted]

I'm not friends with another 1w2 so I couldn't answer. At least, I don't think I am anyway (no one comes to mind). I do know and am somewhat close with a few 1w9's though. I'm guessing I don't click well with other 1w2's. I've met a few in person before, and while we get along well, we both amplify each other and it's draining.

Besides, I don't want to be friends that are copies of me. I like differences.

 

[EJCC]

I'm not friends with another 1w2 so I couldn't answer. At least, I don't think I am anyway (no one comes to mind). I do know and am somewhat close with a few 1w9's though. I'm guessing I don't click well with other 1w2's. I've met a few in person before, and while we get along well, we both amplify each other and it's draining.

Besides, I don't want to be friends that are copies of me. I like differences.

(Kidding!)

Interesting that you find them draining. I tend to find myself walking on eggshells with other 1w2s, in part because of bad experiences with a former 1w2 friend, and in part because I know how quickly and easily we hold grudges, drop grudges, and pull people in and out of our good graces. I really dislike that tendency in myself and actively try to calm it down, but I can't trust that other 1w2s have that same priority. So I guess I find other 1w2s draining as well.

 

[á´…eparted]

(Kidding!)

Interesting that you find them draining. I tend to find myself walking on eggshells with other 1w2s, in part because of bad experiences with a former 1w2 friend, and in part because I know how quickly and easily we hold grudges, drop grudges, and pull people in and out of our good graces. I really dislike that tendency in myself and actively try to calm it down, but I can't trust that other 1w2s have that same priority. So I guess I find other 1w2s draining as well.

Oh you're an exception to this and you know it .

Yeah you basically explained the issues. I try and keep it calm as well. One of my students this term who comes to office hours frequently is absolutely a 1w2. It's crystal clear. It's taken me some time to get used to her because of how exacting she is, and so driven to do everything right. I feel like I get anxious just being around her being high strung. She rather likes me, but she's, well, such a 1 that sometimes you can't see the fact that she does.

Really, I don't like people that are mirrors of bad things. If they reflect a bad aspect of myself my response is "...ICK!" and I want nothing to do with them. It's worse if it's not an exact mirror, interestingly enough. It then drives me to fix that aspect, or at least try to.

 

[EJCC]

Oh you're an exception to this and you know it .

Yeah you basically explained the issues. I try and keep it calm as well. One of my students this term who comes to office hours frequently is absolutely a 1w2. It's crystal clear. It's taken me some time to get used to her because of how exacting she is, and so driven to do everything right. I feel like I get anxious just being around her being high strung. She rather likes me, but she's, well, such a 1 that sometimes you can't see the fact that she does.

Really, I don't like people that are mirrors of bad things. If they reflect a bad aspect of myself my response is "...ICK!" and I want nothing to do with them. It's worse if it's not an exact mirror, interestingly enough. It then drives me to fix that aspect, or at least try to.

! Yes this is exactly why 1s and 3s stress me out so much. I feel like I live in a city/urban area FULL of 1s and 3s -- before, I'd thought it was hypocritical of me to hate living in a city full of similar people to me, but 1) most of them are more intense than me, and 2) you're so right about it being amplification. Great word choice.

This is part of why, in a perfect world, I'd move somewhere more chill. Like the Rockies or the Pacific Northwest. Somewhere that encourages my inner 7.