Now where you said:
^that part right there, I am asking myself that all the time. That is actually one of the ways I figure out how much I can trust someone. It plays a huge part in my relationships. And it will take some time for someone to prove that I'm not investing all my energy for nothing...but once I'm past that point. You're in. I am almost blind to your faults once we are past that point.It effectively makes me question if I've invested more in you than you in me.
I have actually had an ISFJ make me question whether they trust me or not. IMO I think it's cause they lose sight of the big picture. A simple example was when I was ordering a bunch of food but was in a rush. And my ISFJ friend was very upset with me that I didn't get them anything...Which in turn made me really angry lol. Cause 99.9% of the time I am the person that is always making sure I don't leave anyone out. And the one time I do leave someone out, I get questioned? If I had to put up with that kind of accusation on a consistent basis (which consistent could mean once every couple months or even just more than a few times) I would not be able to stay close with that person.
So I can see if that trait being amplified by and ISFJ.
And thank you I try really hard not to do that. Really hard. If I do question someone like that, it will often be in silence, as I wait for more context before I conclude anything. And you are right it's all about the way in which you ask the 4. Like I have learned to really ask my ENFP 4 friend what happened before I jump to conclusions. It is still hard though not to jump a little. Especially with her....for some odd reason. I think it may have to do with the part that she can be very dramatic. So the feedback I get from her, is not always consistent or "streamlined." (lol) Like I need to outright talk with her about where we stand for me to feel ok about it. And every time we do outright talk about it, I feel surprised because I am misjudging the situation. (Which is not usual for me )
It's hard to remember in the moment that she (the ENFP 4) is just as or even more reactive than me. lol That, and I also cannot believe anything that anyone tells me about her...ever. Even when it's another concerned friend...lol cause the story will be all wrong , and causes drama...lol
But the elitism you're concerned about probably comes from your 4-ness. I think I read that somewhere. And also it would make sense cause it's about image or what not. But also, it's Fi. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone that isn't taking the time to get to know you. And IMO that's a healthy stance, so no worries.