Oh yeah. It's 'cause I'm such a freaking bad ass and I feel the need to tell everyone every second of the day in case they forget, because that obviously doesn't look desperate/ fake. I just feel the need to prove myself to the world for some reason but it's ok 'cause I have so much power over everything. I control how red I dye my hair and what brand of oatmeal I eat; POWEEEEEER(omg so scary!)!!
Not afraid of my own power. MOre afraid of the power others have over me if I care about them. If I cared for no one, then nobody would have power over me. Nobody else would have the power to take them away from me. Nobody would have the power to hurt me by leaving me, or by being hurt themselves. Nobody would have the power to upset me because of their own problems.
Attachment to others is one of the few things that leave me with less power. I'm not afraid of physical harm. Absolute autonomy leaves me with all of my power. But it is an empty life and it is not what I want.
Some people want to affect others but do not want to be affected. Personally I want to be affected. Masochism? I enjoy losing power, and overcoming hardship - it makes me stronger. Surviving vulnerability makes me stronger.
What scares me regarding my own power, is the extent of my power to detach. The most frightening thing in the world is apathy. I'd rather be crying, miserable, even die of a broken heart, rather than be 'undead' like I used to be. Detached, autonomous, powerful, but dead inside, thirsting for my next feed. Surviving, but not living. I wish I did not have the power to assume this state, but alas, I do, and that scares me. Although it is also the reason I know I am strong enough to be vulnerable, and have attachments, and allow people to truly matter - because regardless what happens, I will not crumble, ultimately.
Right, this is what I was gonna ask. Isn't it other people's power 8's are afraid of, thus exerting their own on their environment to remain autonomous?
I think so?
I am only an 8 fixer, so I can't use myself as an example of core 8. But the way I see it, this is why core 8s test people to see if they're strong enough to be vulnerable to. It's a way of retaining autonomy which I can relate to. I don't get attached to people anymore if I feel that they are "voluntarily weak" because I don't want to have to fight their battles for them, as that would leave me more powerless. If someone is strong, but truly vulnerable and needs me, I love to be there for them. But I used to let more people matter to me, until I got burned one too many times.