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[Traditional Enneagram] which type is the most/least forgiving ?

HongDou

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In my opinion,either 1's or 8's are the least forgiving, in regard to different aspects.

After those two it would have to be 3's,6's,5's,and 4's residing in limbo,so to speak.

I feel the most forgiving types are 9's and 2's.

And in your world 7s transcend the human condition so they're exempt from mere mortal concepts such as contempt and forgiveness? :D Or are they just a myth and don't exist?

The world may never know. :unicorn:
 
L

LadyLazarus

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And in your world 7s transcend the human condition so they're exempt from mere mortal concepts such as contempt and forgiveness? :D Or are they just a myth and don't exist?

The world may never know. :unicorn:

Haha,oops sorry forgot you guys,I knew something was missing...
You are also in the "limbo" group,along with the Lochness,Bigfoot,and my faith in humanity.

Seriously though,I apologize to all the 7's,it was not my intent to exclude you....
 

Alea_iacta_est

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And in your world 7s transcend the human condition so they're exempt from mere mortal concepts such as contempt and forgiveness? :D Or are they just a myth and don't exist?

The world may never know. :unicorn:

There are no such people as 7s. There are only disintegrated 5s and integrated 1s.
 

HongDou

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There are no such people as 7s. There are only disintegrated 5s and integrated 1s.

That's what you think... :ninja: *disappears into the midnight fog never to be seen again*
 

five sounds

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Haha,oops sorry forgot you guys,I knew something was missing...
You are also in the "limbo" group,along with the Lochness,Bigfoot,and my faith in humanity.

Seriously though,I apologize to all the 7's,it was not my intent to exclude you....

it's a test!

i do not forgive you.
 

OrangeAppled

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MBTI - Pretty much all xxxJ types. INFJs may be the worst. The idealism gives no room for error in others (but they sure expect a lot of leeway for themselves :dry:. STJs are pretty nitpicky, but it doesn't seem like they are unforgiving in personal matters.

My ISFJ mom is super forgiving though. But it seems like it can resurface later in the heat of the moment. I notice that with SFJs. I guess it's forgive but not forget, and then forget you forgave when mad about something vaguely related later on.

I'm pretty bad with grudges & I'm INFP. I can tolerate & forgive a LOT, but there's this line of no return that exists. This is "cut someone out of my life" & "they are dead to me" level, or else I'd have let it go if we're still in contact.

For ennneagram - the reactives, 4-6-8. 4 & 6 sounds the most bitter to me, of all the descriptions.

1s often forgive if it's a part of their moral view to do so, but I don't know if they emotionally get past it as they think they do. They may do so in conscious action anyhow. The competency triad 1-3-5 will plow through emotional feelings if they're getting in the way of some objective (for 5s that seems to be the objective of not feeling).

Most forgiving is 7-9-2, the positive outlook triad. I think 7s have to interact though. I notice they hold a grudge if no positive interaction occurs. It's amazing to me how quickly their grudge will lift with the tiniest effort from someone. The truly unforgiving are much harder to budge.
 

Galena

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MBTI - Pretty much all xxxJ types. INFJs may be the worst. The idealism gives no room for error in others (but they sure expect a lot of leeway for themselves :dry:.
This hypocrisy leapt out at me as I read through the thread. I see myself as unforgiving, but noticed that I felt grated by posts of other people who claim to be the same way. At the core, forgiveness feels like a dignifying thing, and I leaned toward too forgiving as a schoolkid, but now something self-protective lies on top of that. It prompted reflection on how I interpret conflict situations.

What I discovered was the imbalance is due to seeing others' transgressions in an overly self-absorbed light. When I am harmed, I focus on how it reflects on who I am. I am toxically averse to being that person who doesnt take responsibility for the course of their lives, so when something bad happens, my habit is to flee from that victim image and hold myself entirely responsible unless/until evidence proves otherwise. Rationally, most problems take two, but I assume that the other party's responsibility is their own business to calculate and process just like my part is mine. So, it's disproportinally about what I let happen, who I allowed under my skin, how I failed to foresee a hazard, what it all says about me. Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice...happened a few times, never again.

Looks like we cannot forgive anyone if we are unable to forgive ourselves. :huh: Definitely something to rethink in how I live.
 

NK258

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I am toxically averse to being that person who doesnt take responsibility for the course of their lives, so when something bad happens, my habit is to flee from that victim image and hold myself entirely responsible unless/until evidence proves otherwise. Rationally, most problems take two, but I assume that the other party's responsibility is their own business to calculate and process just like my part is mine.

This is me to the "T". The problem I have which might have to do with my enng though is once I've "understood" my part and thereby grown from the mistake or what have you .. I feel deep sorrow for hurting the other person, and hurt even more so they don't forgive me. Maybe it's shame, I don't know. Either way .. it sucks. lol!
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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What do you think about other enneagram types in terms of what gets forgiven and what doesn't? Especially interested in 4, 5, 7, 8 :) But I'm sure everyone would be interested in a summary/list of this if you do have some thoughts on it.

Well, I a) don't have the time right now, and b) hesitate to speak of those types with whom I do not have extensive experience, but quickly-- I'd imagine it would revolve around someone making them face their worst fear. Like how I showed my stepfather I'd always be there to exacerbate his fears of anger and disruption of his inner peace, and he couldn't move beyond that. I guess for a 4, that would be about having been threatened with being seen as common or inauthentic, for 5s having been threatened with being made to feel stupid or useless, with 7s being threatened by someone who may expose their bullshit or face the things they'd prefer to avoid. (Other types, feel free to correct me).

Things I personally am unforgiving of are betrayal--even if I eventually reconnect and interact civilly, some part of me will always be distanced from you, and if we get into an altercation, the first thing I'll remember is how you once betrayed me, and you will be reduced to that. Also, people who need to assert that I'm a poser who's secretly "weak" (one guy did that to me recently, and I swear I'm going to get him for that. I'll never forget the horror and humiliation I felt as he ravaged my psyche to prove his small-minded point. Yeah, he was also an 8, convinced I needed him to get my life in order).
 

Galena

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[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION]: being called out on inauthenticity, whether it turns out to be true or just an attack, is something I never forget. Move past the immediate situation, perhaps, but the voice moves with me. When the revelation is real, chapters of my life can end and begin by it.
 

NK258

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Well, I a) don't have the time right now, and b) hesitate to speak of those types with whom I do not have extensive experience, but quickly-- I'd imagine it would revolve around someone making them face their worst fear. Like how I showed my stepfather I'd always be there to exacerbate his fears of anger and disruption of his inner peace, and he couldn't move beyond that. I guess for a 4, that would be about having been threatened with being seen as common or inauthentic, for 5s having been threatened with being made to feel stupid or useless, with 7s being threatened by someone who may expose their bullshit or face the things they'd prefer to avoid. (Other types, feel free to correct me).

Things I personally am unforgiving of are betrayal--even if I eventually reconnect and interact civilly, some part of me will always be distanced from you, and if we get into an altercation, the first thing I'll remember is how you once betrayed me, and you will be reduced to that. Also, people who need to assert that I'm a poser who's secretly "weak" (one guy did that to me recently, and I swear I'm going to get him for that. I'll never forget the horror and humiliation I felt as he ravaged my psyche to prove his small-minded point. Yeah, he was also an 8, convinced I needed him to get my life in order).

How interesting. I'm relating to you so much right now. Much of my problems is calling people on their bullshit. They never forgive me for it. The irony is, I welcome it reciprocated. But I'm afraid I intimidate people which is why I'm so nervous to truly open up all the way to people. It's as if I need a long time to see if they can handle me. But again, I'm quite receptive. Only I'm perceived not to be. I'm trying to be more aware of how others perceive me in order to not be so misunderstood. Instead of being viewed as "weak", I'm viewed as unbalanced or crazy etc. It's disheartening. I know I'm not perfect but I'm far from imbalanced when it's me unedited. Only maybe just too intense or something. But not a good intense I guess.
 

NK258

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[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION]: being called out on inauthenticity, whether it turns out to be true or just an attack, is something I never forget. Move past the immediate situation, perhaps, but the voice moves with me. When the revelation is real, chapters of my life can end and begin by it.

Do you resent that person then? Of forgive them?

The irony is, I wouldn't bother saying shit if I didn't care about the person. And it's an internal struggle as to whether I should ever say anything at all. But then I'm limited with whom I connect with? Still trying to find my maturity within my sensitivity and things my intuition knows if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to handle it maturely I guess. I'm trying though. I know I can't hold it against people if they don't forgive me. It's just strange and hard for me to understand. This has happened way too much throughout my life for me NOT to want to try and improve my view of what's happening. Only no one calls me on MY bullshit so I'm left to figure it out myself. Wtf! Lol! It's ironic! Why must everything in life be so ironic! :p
 

valaki

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Well, I a) don't have the time right now, and b) hesitate to speak of those types with whom I do not have extensive experience, but quickly-- I'd imagine it would revolve around someone making them face their worst fear. Like how I showed my stepfather I'd always be there to exacerbate his fears of anger and disruption of his inner peace, and he couldn't move beyond that. I guess for a 4, that would be about having been threatened with being seen as common or inauthentic, for 5s having been threatened with being made to feel stupid or useless, with 7s being threatened by someone who may expose their bullshit or face the things they'd prefer to avoid. (Other types, feel free to correct me).

Things I personally am unforgiving of are betrayal--even if I eventually reconnect and interact civilly, some part of me will always be distanced from you, and if we get into an altercation, the first thing I'll remember is how you once betrayed me, and you will be reduced to that. Also, people who need to assert that I'm a poser who's secretly "weak" (one guy did that to me recently, and I swear I'm going to get him for that. I'll never forget the horror and humiliation I felt as he ravaged my psyche to prove his small-minded point. Yeah, he was also an 8, convinced I needed him to get my life in order).

Ah yeah that makes sense. I've been somewhat offended before about being called shallow. Otoh I'm not really worried about being made to feel stupid or useless. I can't relate to the 7 here as described. I actually feel better if I'm faced with things.

Reading what you said about this guy wanting to interfere with your life and BS'ing about you, well that does make me angry :mad: Hope you dealt with him as he deserved ;).
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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Reading what you said about this guy wanting to interfere with your life and BS'ing about you, well that does make me angry :mad: Hope you dealt with him as he deserved ;).
Oh, him.

The thing was, I couldn't deal with him accordingly, because he started in on me about how he was "riling me up" and that therefore I was a weak-minded, over-emotional fool. I basically was forced to defer all thoughts of equalizing him to some future point rather than fall deeper into his little game.

I find it funny, actually. He's like this 20 year old who hasn't even graduated college; I'm a decade older and have had MUCH life experience...and he's telling me how to get my act together. It'd be cute if it weren't annoying. I like him in most other ways though, I'm just going to have to prick him where it counts sometime.
 

valaki

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Oh, him.

The thing was, I couldn't deal with him accordingly, because he started in on me about how he was "riling me up" and that therefore I was a weak-minded, over-emotional fool. I basically was forced to defer all thoughts of equalizing him to some future point rather than fall deeper into his little game.

I find it funny, actually. He's like this 20 year old who hasn't even graduated college; I'm a decade older and have had MUCH life experience...and he's telling me how to get my act together. It'd be cute if it weren't annoying. I like him in most other ways though, I'm just going to have to prick him where it counts sometime.

Well funny he doesn't realize you've had more experience. I guess I would have told him that or at the minimum, I would have told him to mind his own business.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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Well funny he doesn't realize you've had more experience. I guess I would have told him that or at the minimum, I would have told him to mind his own business.

He still thinks I'm a 4, and therefore incapable of running my own life, I think. Yeah, he should mind his own business.
 

highlander

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A lot of folks have mentioned 9s as being some of the more forgiving. That's what you'd think, and it's more or less accurate--9s have the capacity to let a lot of stuff just "go".

They can also be unforgiving, though, once something is locked into their psyches. There's that sort of inertia and resistance to reality in less healthy 9s and if they decide something's no good, well, that's just the way it is. Forever.

Maybe not completely forever but I think there may be truth to this.

Si-doms tend to have very strong and very personal memories, which contributes in an inability to forgive.

Of course every person is different within each type, but it seems to be that these types are more likely to be unforgiving.

MBTI: Types with Si possibly, then Ni, due to the focus on past events.

Enneagram: 8, 1, 6 predominantly, then 3, 4, 5, then 9, 2, 7.

I'm a Ni+6 and am pretty forgiving so that doesn't seem right.

I'm pretty bad with grudges & I'm INFP. I can tolerate & forgive a LOT, but there's this line of no return that exists. This is "cut someone out of my life" & "they are dead to me" level, or else I'd have let it go if we're still in contact.

I wonder if this is common to Fi-doms in general.
 

valaki

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He still thinks I'm a 4, and therefore incapable of running my own life, I think. Yeah, he should mind his own business.

Huh? Is he into Enneagram? Lol what faulty logic there. Even if you were a 4... bullshit reasoning :p
 

Forever_Jung

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I definitely have that Fi-Si quality, of letting a lot of things slide, but once you're out, there will be no forgiveness.

You can slash and hack at all the threads that connect us and I can take it. Just don't touch that one golden filament connecting us at the heart. Once you've snipped that one, you may as well be dead for all I care.
 

NK258

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So far I've gathered Si & Fi seem to be pretty large factors (more so than enneagram type) in the inability to forgive in actuality, not doing the pseudo "forget about it" and move on. But actual forgiveness. Though I could be off on that assessment.

It's interesting if this is the case because then I guess this might explain my overly forgiving nature which isn't good either because I'm more detached from my feelings (or rather, certain uncomfortable ones). So maybe there's a balance to seek in being understanding enough to forgive, but not to the point of too much.
 
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