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  1. #51
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Well, I a) don't have the time right now, and b) hesitate to speak of those types with whom I do not have extensive experience, but quickly-- I'd imagine it would revolve around someone making them face their worst fear. Like how I showed my stepfather I'd always be there to exacerbate his fears of anger and disruption of his inner peace, and he couldn't move beyond that. I guess for a 4, that would be about having been threatened with being seen as common or inauthentic, for 5s having been threatened with being made to feel stupid or useless, with 7s being threatened by someone who may expose their bullshit or face the things they'd prefer to avoid. (Other types, feel free to correct me).

    Things I personally am unforgiving of are betrayal--even if I eventually reconnect and interact civilly, some part of me will always be distanced from you, and if we get into an altercation, the first thing I'll remember is how you once betrayed me, and you will be reduced to that. Also, people who need to assert that I'm a poser who's secretly "weak" (one guy did that to me recently, and I swear I'm going to get him for that. I'll never forget the horror and humiliation I felt as he ravaged my psyche to prove his small-minded point. Yeah, he was also an 8, convinced I needed him to get my life in order).
    How interesting. I'm relating to you so much right now. Much of my problems is calling people on their bullshit. They never forgive me for it. The irony is, I welcome it reciprocated. But I'm afraid I intimidate people which is why I'm so nervous to truly open up all the way to people. It's as if I need a long time to see if they can handle me. But again, I'm quite receptive. Only I'm perceived not to be. I'm trying to be more aware of how others perceive me in order to not be so misunderstood. Instead of being viewed as "weak", I'm viewed as unbalanced or crazy etc. It's disheartening. I know I'm not perfect but I'm far from imbalanced when it's me unedited. Only maybe just too intense or something. But not a good intense I guess.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  2. #52
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    @Sanjuro: being called out on inauthenticity, whether it turns out to be true or just an attack, is something I never forget. Move past the immediate situation, perhaps, but the voice moves with me. When the revelation is real, chapters of my life can end and begin by it.
    Do you resent that person then? Of forgive them?

    The irony is, I wouldn't bother saying shit if I didn't care about the person. And it's an internal struggle as to whether I should ever say anything at all. But then I'm limited with whom I connect with? Still trying to find my maturity within my sensitivity and things my intuition knows if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to handle it maturely I guess. I'm trying though. I know I can't hold it against people if they don't forgive me. It's just strange and hard for me to understand. This has happened way too much throughout my life for me NOT to want to try and improve my view of what's happening. Only no one calls me on MY bullshit so I'm left to figure it out myself. Wtf! Lol! It's ironic! Why must everything in life be so ironic! :p
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Well, I a) don't have the time right now, and b) hesitate to speak of those types with whom I do not have extensive experience, but quickly-- I'd imagine it would revolve around someone making them face their worst fear. Like how I showed my stepfather I'd always be there to exacerbate his fears of anger and disruption of his inner peace, and he couldn't move beyond that. I guess for a 4, that would be about having been threatened with being seen as common or inauthentic, for 5s having been threatened with being made to feel stupid or useless, with 7s being threatened by someone who may expose their bullshit or face the things they'd prefer to avoid. (Other types, feel free to correct me).

    Things I personally am unforgiving of are betrayal--even if I eventually reconnect and interact civilly, some part of me will always be distanced from you, and if we get into an altercation, the first thing I'll remember is how you once betrayed me, and you will be reduced to that. Also, people who need to assert that I'm a poser who's secretly "weak" (one guy did that to me recently, and I swear I'm going to get him for that. I'll never forget the horror and humiliation I felt as he ravaged my psyche to prove his small-minded point. Yeah, he was also an 8, convinced I needed him to get my life in order).
    Ah yeah that makes sense. I've been somewhat offended before about being called shallow. Otoh I'm not really worried about being made to feel stupid or useless. I can't relate to the 7 here as described. I actually feel better if I'm faced with things.

    Reading what you said about this guy wanting to interfere with your life and BS'ing about you, well that does make me angry :@ Hope you dealt with him as he deserved .

  4. #54
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    Reading what you said about this guy wanting to interfere with your life and BS'ing about you, well that does make me angry :@ Hope you dealt with him as he deserved .
    Oh, him.

    The thing was, I couldn't deal with him accordingly, because he started in on me about how he was "riling me up" and that therefore I was a weak-minded, over-emotional fool. I basically was forced to defer all thoughts of equalizing him to some future point rather than fall deeper into his little game.

    I find it funny, actually. He's like this 20 year old who hasn't even graduated college; I'm a decade older and have had MUCH life experience...and he's telling me how to get my act together. It'd be cute if it weren't annoying. I like him in most other ways though, I'm just going to have to prick him where it counts sometime.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Oh, him.

    The thing was, I couldn't deal with him accordingly, because he started in on me about how he was "riling me up" and that therefore I was a weak-minded, over-emotional fool. I basically was forced to defer all thoughts of equalizing him to some future point rather than fall deeper into his little game.

    I find it funny, actually. He's like this 20 year old who hasn't even graduated college; I'm a decade older and have had MUCH life experience...and he's telling me how to get my act together. It'd be cute if it weren't annoying. I like him in most other ways though, I'm just going to have to prick him where it counts sometime.
    Well funny he doesn't realize you've had more experience. I guess I would have told him that or at the minimum, I would have told him to mind his own business.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    Well funny he doesn't realize you've had more experience. I guess I would have told him that or at the minimum, I would have told him to mind his own business.
    He still thinks I'm a 4, and therefore incapable of running my own life, I think. Yeah, he should mind his own business.

  7. #57
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    A lot of folks have mentioned 9s as being some of the more forgiving. That's what you'd think, and it's more or less accurate--9s have the capacity to let a lot of stuff just "go".

    They can also be unforgiving, though, once something is locked into their psyches. There's that sort of inertia and resistance to reality in less healthy 9s and if they decide something's no good, well, that's just the way it is. Forever.
    Maybe not completely forever but I think there may be truth to this.

    Si-doms tend to have very strong and very personal memories, which contributes in an inability to forgive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alea_iacta_est View Post
    Of course every person is different within each type, but it seems to be that these types are more likely to be unforgiving.

    MBTI: Types with Si possibly, then Ni, due to the focus on past events.

    Enneagram: 8, 1, 6 predominantly, then 3, 4, 5, then 9, 2, 7.
    I'm a Ni+6 and am pretty forgiving so that doesn't seem right.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post

    I'm pretty bad with grudges & I'm INFP. I can tolerate & forgive a LOT, but there's this line of no return that exists. This is "cut someone out of my life" & "they are dead to me" level, or else I'd have let it go if we're still in contact.
    I wonder if this is common to Fi-doms in general.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    He still thinks I'm a 4, and therefore incapable of running my own life, I think. Yeah, he should mind his own business.
    Huh? Is he into Enneagram? Lol what faulty logic there. Even if you were a 4... bullshit reasoning :p

  9. #59
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    I definitely have that Fi-Si quality, of letting a lot of things slide, but once you're out, there will be no forgiveness.

    You can slash and hack at all the threads that connect us and I can take it. Just don't touch that one golden filament connecting us at the heart. Once you've snipped that one, you may as well be dead for all I care.

  10. #60
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    So far I've gathered Si & Fi seem to be pretty large factors (more so than enneagram type) in the inability to forgive in actuality, not doing the pseudo "forget about it" and move on. But actual forgiveness. Though I could be off on that assessment.

    It's interesting if this is the case because then I guess this might explain my overly forgiving nature which isn't good either because I'm more detached from my feelings (or rather, certain uncomfortable ones). So maybe there's a balance to seek in being understanding enough to forgive, but not to the point of too much.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

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