from there, i can talk to the person about their behavior, and let them be responsible for it in the future. after that, my feelings are my responsibility. dealing with pain is a part of life. it's up to me to have whatever i need in place to deal with pain when it comes up, and to put myself in or remove myself from situations with pain risk in mind. now, the way i deal with pain is sometimes better than others. i can fall into less healthy behaviors when i'm dealing with my own hurt, but that's just something most people need to work on i think. not just e7.
@bolded: i do not see these as mutually exclusive. i can truly and deeply feel my pain emotionally and still use cognitive (intellectual) understanding in dealing with the same situation. in my opinion, it's a balance of both that is healthiest. to be all hurt feelings and lash out irrationally is going to lead to regret more often than not. i don't hurt less by hurting others back. and that's exactly what would happen if i just let my feelings do the talking without letting my brain do some work as well.Disappointments and emotional hurts are going to happen regardless of any relationship. To not be open to feeling your hurts and thereby forgiving from cognitive (intellectual) understanding ... all of your relationships are running on a very superficial surface. Which puts you at a serious disadvantage. because when the shit hits the fan - you know who your real friends are. And there are countless people on this earth who have experienced first hand what it is like to have 300 plus friends one day, only to have ZERO the next. ... pain is inevitable. I can't understand why anyone would be comfortable and proud or happy to embrace the ego of their etype. It makes no sense and seems to be the illogical course of action.
EDIT: another thought. relationships, especially the really intimate important ones, are about growing together. forgiveness is necessary for growth. how can we be working to be better if we're bound to all of our past mistakes? i fight guilt to keep myself looking for growth opportunities rather than giving up on myself and marinating in whatever mistakes i've made. since i need this in my own life, i do it for those i care about out of love for them, and to keep the relationship growing.
no worries. it's an interesting thing to think about, and i appreciate you challenging me to think deeper about it.However ... this is not to say you are doing that. And this is not to say I can truly understand your experience. because while the 2 and 7 are very similar. our core fears and motivations differ. My sincerest apologies if this came off the wrong way. not my intention at all!
DOUBLE EDIT: also, as Pe/Ji, my tendency is to take things as they are rather than assigning them a 'good' or 'bad' value. i've heard other ENFPs say they're a lot less easily offended than others, and that applies to me as well. i might see another person's behavior, and decide whether or not i want to behave like that in the future before deciding if they should or should not have done whatever they did.