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  1. #21
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    I'm pretty balanced with wings but lean a little more toward 8.

    Type 7
    -Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.

    Not so much. I'm not even really sure what this means?

    -Let me know what and how important your own needs and wants are.

    This is a SUPER MUST! This is so necessary. I am almost always very responsive to the needs and wants of others close to me but you have to let me know in very clear language. My mind can go in all sorts of different directions with guessing and I can jump to some crazy conclusions.

    -Encourage me to deal with pain, fear, and restlessness rather than escaping from these feelings.

    I don't know about encourage. I guess it could mean being supportive when I am being brave to talk/deal with those things because it's a huge freaking deal.

    -Help me keep things simple and in the present.

    I need to do this for myself. I don't think anyone can really help with this.

    Type 8

    -Stand your ground.

    Eh...

    -Stay firm.

    Yes.

    -Be forthright.
    -Speak your own truth.


    Please do. Wanna make me crazy? Duck, dodge, and spin.

    -Provide feedback about my impact on you.

    This too is very important and ties in with letting me know how important your wants and need are.
    And remember that intensity and passion =/= anger. If I'm angry, I will have no problem telling you (and it passes quickly too! )

    -Support me when I reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.



  2. #22
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Type 7
    -Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.

    I don't need any support in order to slow down as I can do that all by myself! But I do require ongoing micro-managing with regards to all commitments as I was unable to learn this type of autonomy in childhood #ENFJ mother
    I'm laughing at us...because my mom is an ENFJ too and our responses to this were pretty much the same.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  3. #23
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Type 1
    -Encourage me to go easy on myself and to take time for myself.
    -Provide me with a nonjudgmental viewpoint.
    -Remind me that the goal in life is to be human, not to be without fault.
    I tend to scoff at the bolded. It just doesn't work on me, for whatever reason. I can't absorb it.

    As for the other two... They are the greatest thing. I can't even describe how much I love them. Anything that eases my internal critic, really. Anything that reminds me that other people are easier on me than I am on myself.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #24
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Hi there, Z Buck McFate!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    What do you think about the suggestions listed for your type?
    My replies are below...

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Are there any suggestions you'd add?
    FYI - I'm only replying to 7 and 8, since I'm a 7w8 - and what not, and what have you, and so on and so forth.

    Yep, I'll drop it all line by line.

    Deal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Type 7
    Here we go...BTW I numbered them for my own convenience.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (7a) -Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.
    This is great advice for 7s, and very sweet if truly offered as constructive support by a dear friend.
    However, in a lot cases, by the time we figure out the concept of "slowing down" - let alone that we need to do it for our own good, and that at times delivering on our commitments way later than ever anticipated still technically counts as keeping our word but without any chance of a gold medal - we are self-aware and self-supporting.
    This does not mean that such help is unappreciated, that is least from the truth.
    What it does mean is that IMHO, effort expended on trying to help as described above might very well be better spent (for your sake and ours) on trying to bring the concepts of "slowing down" and being more "mindful/in the present" to our consciousness so that we can make the biggest leap on our own, and a lot quicker...

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (7b) -Let me know what and how important your own needs and wants are.
    Oh PLEASE for the love of God I wish EVERYONE would do this!! Aaarrrrgghhh!!!
    The reality is this.
    I have 17 objectives and 3-5 vehicles of achieving each at any given time.
    If no one lets me know what their needs are, and how important they are to them, it might be hard for me to figure out on my own.
    Guaranteed, without external feedback or impetus of some kind I could easily keep myself busy, productive, and happy as hell for the rest of my life and yours too.
    HOWEVER - that means shite to me if those near and dear to me are not fulfilled as they need to be in order to be happy, healthy and well in their lives.
    If you are one of my own, I will move mountains for you, without hesitation, and without any expectation of return.
    BUT - if you never inform me of your needs, then your greatest advocate will sit idle on the sidelines of your life.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (7c) -Encourage me to deal with pain, fear, and restlessness rather than escaping from these feelings.
    Good luck!!
    Eventually, as I mature and self-actualize, I will integrate what activities I need to into my life, whether habits that benefit my own personal upkeep, or outwardly directed service towards others - in order to neutralize the pain, fear, and restlessness that plagued me when I was younger because each moment of every day I realized that I had not accomplished everything I wanted to.
    My escape from these feelings was only ever temporary, and then there was a day when I stood up and accepted responsibility for my own life and my actions, and was then able to slay the dragons of the fear of me living an unfulfilled life.

    So, please don't coddle me through the symptoms - instead help me identify my cause, my calling in life, and when that happens, when I find what truly matters to me, then I will slay any and all fears that ever stood in the way of me reaching my fullest potential and fulfillment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (7d) -Help me keep things simple and in the present.
    Honestly I do this very well, but if you are present in the few and far between days of my life that are not simple or focused on the eternal here and now - I will forever be grateful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Type 8
    OK, so 8 is only my wing - but I will reply to it as I did 7...

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8a) -Stand your ground.
    Pack a lunch and bring a friend!
    Honestly, the best way to do this is fucking be direct, be serious, but don't be a dick or a fucktard.
    If you have something to say, say it, and I will listen.
    But say it directly, and don't pussyfoot around, for I have little patience by default and will be unable to listen if my energy to plow forward eclipses your ability to tell me where I have erred.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8b) -Stay firm.
    Do this, do it at all times, but be fair, and be sincere - and I will thank you and respect you for it more than you will ever know.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8c) -Be forthright.
    This is Captain Obvious, IMHO. Just sayin'!

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8d) -Speak your own truth.
    Yes, PLEASE do this. My own voice, inside my own head, is a force to be reckoned with. For me to listen requires others to speak from a well informed and genuine perspective if they are approaching me as a peer, or equal. Don't try to mow over me with some half-assed bullshit that works well to pacify people who have limited assertiveness. I am the living embodiment of assertiveness, don't try to bullshit me.
    But if you come to me and speak your own truth from your heart - I will listen, and will be as open to your thoughts as if they were my own. No shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8e) -Provide feedback about my impact on you.
    Arrrghhh!!! PLEASE DO THIS!!!
    I am a well intended, hard working creature - but I am unfortunately oblivious as to the impact of own ways on those near and dear to me, at times even if I am working to achieve something that I believe they want, and need. This is VERY frustrating to me, for equal to my desire to never be controlled by anyone - I sincerely never wish to control others. If they are fuck-ups and they are int he way of the greater good and all that I am working for, then shit happens - Ooops. But there is no way I ever wish my ways and means to be a hindrance, or heaven forbid hurtful towards my loved ones, my friends, and peers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    (8e) -Support me when I reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.
    This is immensely important. More often than not, I have a reputation to live up to, or maybe more simply expectations to fulfill because of my track record for making the impossible happen, with jack shit to work with, and in less time than is sane to expect for a perfect result to happen. Why do I do this? It's not because I give a shit about what anyone thinks - of that I assure you. On most cases it's because doing so for whatever reason is part of the path of least resistance that must be traversed for my objectives to be reached. BUT - do I have to be a hard ass in the course of making things happen? No, I do not. Am I incapable of reconsidering my planned course of action if a better way has been identified - whether by me or someone else? Not at all; I applaud doing things the best way they can be done with what is at hand to achieve them. HOWEVER, for some reason it seems that people let shit get a bit more out of whack when I'm around because they know it will not last. And if I had a dollar for all the times I've been lauded for being able to drop the hammer when needed, I'd be comfortably wealthy. But that is neither here nor there in my opinion, because I can count on one hand the number of times I have been praised, rewarded, or simply recognized (whether in private or in public) for finding a way to walk softly instead of using the huge stick I carry at all times - and those times were priceless to me, however it does not appear that they are appreciated in practice near so much as they are in the lip service that is so widespread in modern times.

    Thanks for posting this; it's interesting stuff to reflect on.
    I hope you're having a great evening!



    -Halla74
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  5. #25
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Eh, I am more or less inconsolible when I am hurt, and is a huge drain on others if they try. More or less, I need someone to hug/hold me and tell me it will all be ok, but I am super uncomfortable with 99% of the people that would/could hold me. THEN talk about being realistic. Though the latter usually results in me beating it to hell and nitpicking it until it dies. I don't like subjecting people to this, so by and large I just hide and seethe in my own pain until it goes away (which eventually it does). I'm sure it will be my undoing, but it has been working up to this far, so I am ok with it (I have to be).
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  6. #26
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    I'm laughing at us...because my mom is an ENFJ too and our responses to this were pretty much the same.
    I feel a support group coming on...!

    I read your responses yesterday...but having just reread them again (as well as Halla's)...I'd likely modify my answers a bit creating something that looked even more like what you put forth. For example it's easy for me to physically slow down. Like I could literally be completely lazy all day doing very little-to-nothing at a beach or poolside or anyplace really where loitering is legal...but it can be difficult at times to mentally slow down which removes a large part of me from the present moment. <-Having an ENFJ parent can certainly reinforce those type of behaviors haha.

    Several months ago I had confessed to a few members that I had broken my 'cooking time' record. Like I had left a pot of meatballs and sauce simmering on the stove for quite a few days haha. And when I make cookies...I've learned to quadruple the batch because I invariably burn the first and last sheets of them. At Christmastime though...you don't even know how much food made and everything came out perfectly. Why? Because my Mom was around me the whole time directing the entire operation haha (what's amazing/frightening to me though is I didn't even notice it at first...I think I'm just so used to it. So I actually had the "weird I haven't burned a thing" thought prior to recognizing it had nothing to do with *Christmas Magic*. She was ordering me around the whole time haha.)

    ENFP e7
    @Lady X - INFJ mother
    You - ENFJ mother
    Me - ENFJ mother
    @five sounds - ENFJ father



    Hmm

  7. #27
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I feel a support group coming on...!

    I read your responses yesterday...but having just reread them again (as well as Halla's)...I'd likely modify my answers a bit creating something that looked even more like what you put forth. For example it's easy for me to physically slow down. Like I could literally be completely lazy all day doing very little-to-nothing at a beach or poolside or anyplace really where loitering is legal...but it can be difficult at times to mentally slow down which removes a large part of me from the present moment. <-Having an ENFJ parent can certainly reinforce those type of behaviors haha.

    Several months ago I had confessed to a few members that I had broken my 'cooking time' record. Like I had left a pot of meatballs and sauce simmering on the stove for quite a few days haha. And when I make cookies...I've learned to quadruple the batch because I invariably burn the first and last sheets of them. At Christmastime though...you don't even know how much food made and everything came out perfectly. Why? Because my Mom was around me the whole time directing the entire operation haha (what's amazing/frightening to me though is I didn't even notice it at first...I think I'm just so used to it. So I actually had "weird I haven't burned a thing" thought prior to recognizing it had nothing to do with *Christmas Magic*. She was ordering me around the whole time haha.)

    ENFP e7
    @Lady X - INFJ mother
    You - ENFJ mother
    Me - ENFJ mother
    @five sounds - ENFJ father



    Hmm
    i haven't read anything else about whatever this conversation is but i gotta say ime infjs are kinda nothing like enfjs i mean that fe thing is just the way in which they silently judge people haha there's none of this directing shiz going on....i mean...not really. my mom is and always has been completely fine with letting me do everything myself.

    the boyfriends esfj mother tho...totally running the whole show everywhere we go and people just sit around and stay out of her way on holidays.

    fe doms are weird haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #28
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i haven't read anything else about whatever this conversation is but i gotta say ime infjs are kinda nothing like enfjs i mean that fe thing is just the way in which they silently judge people haha there's none of this directing shiz going on....i mean...not really. my mom is and always has been completely fine with letting me do everything myself.

    the boyfriends esfj mother tho...totally running the whole show everywhere we go and people just sit around and stay out of her way on holidays.

    fe doms are weird haha
    Yah. I mean, I think when I was born the first thing my Mom said to me was "don't worry, everything that needs to be done by you over the next 18years...I've already completed it..."

    Read the OP and respond if you can. It would be interesting to see how you differ.

    Oh... my INFJ sister literally does everything for her son. But you know she's that different kind haha.

  9. #29
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Type 4
    -Encourage me to keep my attention on what is positive in the present.
    In the present, yes. Positive, not so much. I do well with being reminded of what's in front of me, or what's real as apposed to being reminded of the good things. Realism is appreciated, not sparkly positivity (I'll dismiss that right away).

    -Honor my feelings and my idealism.
    Yes, sometimes all I need is for someone to feel what I'm feeling alongside me, be that devastation or wistfulness. Having my thoughts or feelings invalidated is beyond frustrating.

    -Reveal your real feelings and true reactions.
    Yes!!!!! I have a friend who finally came to the realization that when I request this (as I have), I actually mean it. I am beyond capable of receiving all emotions from people even (maybe especially) the dark or painful ones. This is a game changer in my relationships with people.

    -Let me see that you really understand me instead of trying to change me.
    Or at least that you want to! I know that understanding me can be very challenging and uncomfortable but at least if I know people actually want to know my heart and what makes me tick, I do my best to receive them! Seriously, I would love if people did this more.

    Type 5
    -Respect my need for privacy and space.
    Some of the time. Perhaps it's because 5 is just my wing, I'm Sx first and I actually do get adequate time to myself. I do value and need time utterly alone, but my favorite way to spend time is one on one.

    -Make clear distinctions between your requests and your demands.
    Interesting. I do tend to require direct and intentional communication, and usually find myself asking for clarification if the verdict is unclear.

    -Provide moderate feedback about your own feelings and concerns.
    Yes, for sure. I can't stand it when others expect me to infer what they feel or need, even if I can to some extent, they are a big kid and can use their words, thank you very much. Communicating the needs of others is not my responsibility.

    -Encourage me to be self-disclosing and to express my feelings in the here and now.
    I do this pretty easily because only my wing is 5, but knowing someone is open to my emotional expression is always a good thing.

    -Appreciate my sensitivity.
    Eh, I guess. Not if it means sugar coating things and negating the direct-speaking noted above though.

    -Appreciate my ability to live and let live.
    Yes! Most people struggle with this aspect of me, and think I'm cold or removed because of it. Once an argument or emotional conversation has been had and is finished, I'm fine to move forward. If you've wronged me in a minor way or made a mistake, once we talk about it it's water under the bridge. I understand why people are confused by this, because I'm the most volatile and confrontational in the moment and afterwards pretty chill and amiable. Once the issue is resolved, it's resolved.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  10. #30
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I feel a support group coming on...!

    I read your responses yesterday...but having just reread them again (as well as Halla's)...I'd likely modify my answers a bit creating something that looked even more like what you put forth. For example it's easy for me to physically slow down. Like I could literally be completely lazy all day doing very little-to-nothing at a beach or poolside or anyplace really where loitering is legal...but it can be difficult at times to mentally slow down which removes a large part of me from the present moment. <-Having an ENFJ parent can certainly reinforce those type of behaviors haha.

    Several months ago I had confessed to a few members that I had broken my 'cooking time' record. Like I had left a pot of meatballs and sauce simmering on the stove for quite a few days haha. And when I make cookies...I've learned to quadruple the batch because I invariably burn the first and last sheets of them. At Christmastime though...you don't even know how much food made and everything came out perfectly. Why? Because my Mom was around me the whole time directing the entire operation haha (what's amazing/frightening to me though is I didn't even notice it at first...I think I'm just so used to it. So I actually had the "weird I haven't burned a thing" thought prior to recognizing it had nothing to do with *Christmas Magic*. She was ordering me around the whole time haha.)

    ENFP e7
    @Lady X - INFJ mother
    You - ENFJ mother
    Me - ENFJ mother
    @five sounds - ENFJ father



    Hmm
    Yeah, it's something about that EXXJ energy that just so naturally runs the show. My ESFJ mom is just as bad as my ENFJ dad, and I have an ESTJ friend whose role in our friendship includes bossing me around (in a mutually respective, friend dynamic way). I also find those are all people who are difficult to mentally relax around. They've got such a go/do mindset that they're always right there with you talking about what's next or what to do now. I can get caught up in that, but sometimes I flat out reject it. I'm getting better at rejecting it as I get older.

    Either way, I feel like NFJs do share a lot, even though they have a much different energy, and I'm happy to be in the support group with some awesome ENFP e7s.

    Also your cook time seems much like my hair straightener time. Days man. So scary, hah.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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