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  1. #11
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    Type 8
    -Stand your ground.
    -Stay firm.
    -Be forthright.
    -Speak your own truth.
    -Provide feedback about my impact on you.
    -Support me when I reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.
    It would seem this is the issue I face frequently. I wish there was some way to force people to understand. Perhaps this is the part of life that cannot be controlled. When an E7 settles down and commits to something, there are always going to be those people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in their behavior. When I open up and become vulnerable, there are people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in my behavior. Palmer once said, "If an 8 backs down, NEVER rub it in his face that you are the winner. Go about your business as if it didn't happen, and when you look back you will see the 8 in full support."

    Life is frustrating.

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Awesome list. 4 is spot on for me, and 3 and 8 show me why I tend to jive with those two types pretty well
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #13
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    It would seem this is the issue I face frequently. I wish there was some way to force people to understand. Perhaps this is the part of life that cannot be controlled. When an E7 settles down and commits to something, there are always going to be those people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in their behavior. When I open up and become vulnerable, there are people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in my behavior. Palmer once said, "If an 8 backs down, NEVER rub it in his face that you are the winner. Go about your business as if it didn't happen, and when you look back you will see the 8 in full support."

    Life is frustrating.
    Yeah, it's funny- people tend to show support in the only way they know how....what makes them feel supported themselves.

    That's why this list really kind of stood out to me as some super helpful cheat sheet. When I stopped to consider the people I know, added their type to the equation- these really do seem like the best ways to support those people. It almost made me want to kick myself for not having made this cheat sheet for myself sooner (though this is better than something I could have come up with on my own).
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  4. #14
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    It would seem this is the issue I face frequently. I wish there was some way to force people to understand. Perhaps this is the part of life that cannot be controlled. When an E7 settles down and commits to something, there are always going to be those people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in their behavior. When I open up and become vulnerable, there are people who have to comment on how this is inconsistent in my behavior. Palmer once said, "If an 8 backs down, NEVER rub it in his face that you are the winner. Go about your business as if it didn't happen, and when you look back you will see the 8 in full support."

    Life is frustrating.
    I kinda know whatcha mean! IRL, I'm very upbeat and playful most of the time, but sometimes I want to express negative emotions (sadness/anger). So whenever I work up the courage to express myself like that, people inevitably will comment: WHOA! Aren't you always happy? HEY EVERYBODY! Jeremy's sad! Gather around!

  5. #15
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Lol, yes. And sometimes when I make a hard-line decision, people question it. I'm like, okay, I finally did it right, why are you making me doubt this!?

    For Type 6, I'm not sure "Be self-disclosing and encourage me to be self-disclosing" and "Be consistent and trustworthy with me" are helpful to me personally so much as they are guidelines for having a good relationship with me. If someone is not like that, it doesn't really hurt me, I'm just not likely to voluntarily interact with them very much, or trust them with anything significant.

    "Counter my doubts and fears with positive and reassuring alternatives that are realistic" is spot-on, though!

    I would also say for Type 6:
    - Gently encourage me if I am resistant or reluctant.
    - Affirm my good decisions and my ability to choose well.
    - Support me when I'm navigating an unexpected situation.
    - Try to be patient if I am slow to respond. I take time to acclimate. It is not an indicator of how I feel about you.

    At least for me personally the key is for someone else to be warm and supportive. Things become so much easier to deal with when I feel like I have someone positive and unwavering beside me. It helps ease the fear of being abandoned and the fear of everything falling apart.

    Type 9
    -Encourage me to express my own position.
    -Ask me what I want and what is good for me, and give me time to figure out the answer.
    -Support me when I act responsibly toward myself.
    -Allow me to acknowledge my anger.
    -Encourage me to set and keep my own boundaries, limits, priorities.
    These are good to know.

  6. #16
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    I kinda know whatcha mean! IRL, I'm very upbeat and playful most of the time, but sometimes I want to express negative emotions (sadness/anger). So whenever I work up the courage to express myself like that, people inevitably will comment: WHOA! Aren't you always happy? HEY EVERYBODY! Jeremy's sad! Gather around!
    + 1
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  7. #17
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Type 6
    -Be consistent and trustworthy with me.

    I'm attempting to start my first response here and I'm already over-thinking the whole thing haha. Umm I don't see myself as an individual that requires a great deal of consistency in anything really...but trust is paramount to me. Trust, honesty, honor, loyalty, integrity, valor <-these all caused me to mistype as a 6 so yah. Possess those qualities please.


    -Be self-disclosing and encourage me to be self-disclosing.

    ^^this surprises me some because I feel like I often see just the opposite out of e6 (phobics only though - this doesn't apply to cps)...over-disclosure followed by paranoia at having said too much. But perhaps I'm misunderstanding something. My ex used to try to encourage me to disclose less haha. I disclose what I want to whom and have never suffered for it that I am aware of and do not feel I need encouragement in this area either way.


    -Counter my doubts and fears with positive and reassuring alternatives that are realistic.

    Every once and a great while I'll become especially weirded-out by something and in those moments it's certainly calming to have someone there to help put things back into perspective for me. But for the most part everything's kinda weird and surreal to me and just having someone to laugh with at it all...that's truly what I find to be the most beneficial to my wellbeing.


    Type 7
    -Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.

    I don't need any support in order to slow down as I can do that all by myself! But I do require ongoing micro-managing with regards to all commitments as I was unable to learn this type of autonomy in childhood #ENFJ mother


    -Let me know what and how important your own needs and wants are.

    ^^Of all the forms of support this is by far the most important to me. I care so deeply about the people in my life but being lost to possibilities 24/7 I'm really not good at predicting, reading, understanding what my loved ones need and/or want out of me. As a general rule, I fail to live up to all expectations but...if I love you...I can quite easily follow your directions.


    -Encourage me to deal with pain, fear, and restlessness rather than escaping from these feelings.

    It's funny because I'm truly never bored or restless...I've never been like this. But I do become confused with regards to emotional pain...what it is that is upsetting me is nearly impossible for me to focus on and to have someone who will stay on me....priceless.


    -Help me keep things simple and in the present.

    Simple... meh. But I will love you forever if you quite frequently say to me "Starry! focus!"

  8. #18
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    @Z Buck McFate

    I just got a laugh out of "moderate feedback" haha.

  9. #19
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    -Be self-disclosing and encourage me to be self-disclosing.

    ^^this surprises me some because I feel like I often see just the opposite out of e6 (phobics only though - this doesn't apply to cps)...over-disclosure followed by paranoia at having said too much. But perhaps I'm misunderstanding something. My ex used to try to encourage me to disclose less haha. I disclose what I want to whom and have never suffered for it that I am aware of and do not feel I need encouragement in this area either way.

    I think this one is about building a base of trust that the other person isn’t saying one thing/doing another. (i.e. I'd guess it's more about quality of disclosure than quantity of disclosure.)

    Hypothetical example: if I don’t like your broccoli raisin soup- even though it’s your brainchild and you're especially proud of it- I won't tell you I like it too unless I really do. Because not liking your broccoli raisin soup =/= not liking you. And reciprocally, if you don’t like my spam pistachio loaf- it’s okay to tell me the truth, I won’t take it personally and see it as some statement of how you feel about me.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  10. #20
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I think this one is about building a base of trust that the other person isn’t saying one thing/doing another. (i.e. I'd guess it's more about quality of disclosure than quantity of disclosure.)

    Hypothetical example: if I don’t like your broccoli raisin soup- even though it’s your brainchild and you're especially proud of it- I won't tell you I like it too unless I really do. Because not liking your broccoli raisin soup =/= not liking you. And reciprocally, if you don’t like my spam pistachio loaf- it’s okay to tell me the truth, I won’t take it personally and see it as some statement of how you feel about me.

    I wonder if I need special support with Ni explanations... Because instead of reading and responding like a mature adult might...

    I was like ZOMG BROCCOLI RAISIN SOUP AND SPAM PISTACHIO LOAF!!!1 And then I started googling for recipes...ahead of myself. I wasn't even fully aware of the fact I had abandoned the thread in search of totally cool food. I did find this and was so excited...but then disappointed to discover it's actually a recipe for salad. I'm assuming it was mistakenly labelled 'Broccoli Raisin Soup.' Majorly struck-out on Spam Pistachio Loaf though. <-Someday...I see this in all the finest restaurants. I'm not even kidding you I envisioned it haha.

    Okay I get it. 'Self-disclosure' is a non-threatening way of saying 'tell it like it is.' <-Yah, the only time I would ever lie in order to save feelings would be if I was in a highly social situation. I'm actually unable to lie to intimates. I mean, I literally can't pull it off...but I wouldn't even try because I do feel it is my responsibility/duty to my intimates to be honest even if it is a sensitive area. I know of so many others that believe friendship/partnership is about being 100% agreeable and "supportive" at all times...but that goes against everything inside of me...everything I believe in. And frankly, I don't understand how that would even qualify as intimacy in the first place. Intimacy should not be cheapened by perpetual agreeableness haha.

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