• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Adapting your confrontation style to another person's: what is this reminiscent with?

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
If a person adopts their confrontation style to another person's in order to get along, what is this reminiscent with? So for example, if I am quarreling with an 8, then I will be much more assertive when dealing with them. Also, if I am dealing with a 9, then I won't approach the person with much force, and will be very gentle. If I am dealing with a 1, I will just act normal. Is this because of my 9 fix, or this Fe, or what?
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
If a person adopts their confrontation style to another person's in order to get along, what is this reminiscent with? So for example, if I am quarreling with an 8, then I will be much more assertive when dealing with them. Also, if I am dealing with a 9, then I won't approach the person with much force, and will be very gentle. If I am dealing with a 1, I will just act normal. Is this because of my 9 fix, or this Fe, or what?

I'm guessing that it's more Ne. I do the same. I am gentle with gentle people, I'm not afraid to shout down someone who will only respect that. I think it's a type of extraverted adaptiveness.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
I'm guessing that it's more Ne. I do the same. I am gentle with gentle people, I'm not afraid to shout down someone who will only respect that. I think it's a type of extraverted adaptiveness.

What is your gut fix?
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Are you 3-fixed? It could be that--there's that sort of "attunement" to and reflection of the other with the presence of 3.

I find myself doing the same thing, actually, and I've generally blamed my 3 subwing.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Are you 3-fixed? It could be that--there's that sort of "attunement" to and reflection of the other with the presence of 3.

I find myself doing the same thing, actually, and I've generally blamed my 3 subwing.

Yes I have a strong 3w2 fix. I suppose this could contribute to this as well. Please go into detail about how you do this?
 

HongDou

navigating
Joined
Nov 23, 2012
Messages
5,191
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I used to know a 3w2 so/sp that did this. It could be connected to 3. :shrug:
 

HongDou

navigating
Joined
Nov 23, 2012
Messages
5,191
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
You are 9 fixed. Do you do this?

No. Especially not IRL. My way of communicating is so unwavering that it can either screw me over or help me in class presentations depending on whether the teacher finds my casualness and excessive use of the word "like" charming or not. I might online sometimes just to be more accommodating to whoever I'm talking to initially but I eventually go back to the caps lock and emotes and scattered typing.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
No. Especially not IRL. My way of communicating is so unwavering that it can either screw me over or help me in class presentations depending on whether the teacher finds my casualness and excessive use of the word "like" charming or not. I might online sometimes just to be more accommodating to whoever I'm talking to initially but I eventually go back to the caps lock and emotes and scattered typing.

I wonder if it's a 3 fix + Fe thing. I'm noticing that Fi users tend to be unwavering and change for no one. This is probably because Fi always wants to be true to it's self and to it's values.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yes I have a strong 3w2 fix. I suppose this could contribute to this as well. Please go into detail about how you do this?
Sure thing.

For me, I simply find that I often reflect the personality of the person I'm talking to, or that each individual draws something different out of me. I've seen these qualities ascribed to 3 and 2, respectively, so I assume they are image issues.

I simply wind up doing this instinctively, without necessarily trying to. Since we're talking about the gut types, I find that with 8s or people heavily influenced by that number, I am far more outspoken and willing to argue, simply because they meet my energy and I know they can "take it". With 1s, they usually give the sense that I somehow need to be more "proper", and I find myself reflecting their standards and agreeing stupidly. With 9s, it can go either way, or no way at all. I sometimes get the sense that I'm somehow upsetting their peace and am often inclined just to get along with them and let them be. I sometimes find myself holding back a lot.

I do this with other types, too, but I associate it with my 3 subwing. Maybe it's the same with you? I don't rule out Fe, either, because I'm not sure what my Ji is, so in your case, this may add something to this pre-existing tendency. Dunno.

Anyway, I'm happy to provide the answers to any further questions you might have.
 

Alea_iacta_est

New member
Joined
Dec 3, 2013
Messages
1,834
My interpretation: I would assume that this would be akin to type 9w8 with some sort of 3 fix (Because I do this way too much). The core 9 would readily merge with the opposing style in an effort to understand it while the 8 wing would drive the core 9 by constantly nagging to confront the opposing style with brute force and skill. The 3 fix would provide a sense of competition and would increase the 8's drive for confrontation, feeding the core 9 to adapt to the opposing style in an effort to beat the opponent at his or her own game.

UPDATE: Just realized that by confrontation you meant friendly confrontation, in fact I was thinking of a tennis match when I was writing this. Disregard for context toward friendly confrontation.
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
3 influences, perhaps. I have them all over the place, and I can hardly imagine what not doing this would be like, and yet have admiration and envy of people who stay constant.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
My interpretation: I would assume that this would be akin to type 9w8 with some sort of 3 fix (Because I do this way too much). The core 9 would readily merge with the opposing style in an effort to understand it while the 8 wing would drive the core 9 by constantly nagging to confront the opposing style with brute force and skill. The 3 fix would provide a sense of competition and would increase the 8's drive for confrontation, feeding the core 9 to adapt to the opposing style in an effort to beat the opponent at his or her own game.

UPDATE: Just realized that by confrontation you meant friendly confrontation, in fact I was thinking of a tennis match when I was writing this. Disregard for context toward friendly confrontation.

Yeah, a 9 fix, and a 3 fix probably have something to do with it.

Sure thing.

For me, I simply find that I often reflect the personality of the person I'm talking to, or that each individual draws something different out of me. I've seen these qualities ascribed to 3 and 2, respectively, so I assume they are image issues.

I simply wind up doing this instinctively, without necessarily trying to. Since we're talking about the gut types, I find that with 8s or people heavily influenced by that number, I am far more outspoken and willing to argue, simply because they meet my energy and I know they can "take it". With 1s, they usually give the sense that I somehow need to be more "proper", and I find myself reflecting their standards and agreeing stupidly. With 9s, it can go either way, or no way at all. I sometimes get the sense that I'm somehow upsetting their peace and am often inclined just to get along with them and let them be. I sometimes find myself holding back a lot.

I do this with other types, too, but I associate it with my 3 subwing. Maybe it's the same with you? I don't rule out Fe, either, because I'm not sure what my Ji is, so in your case, this may add something to this pre-existing tendency. Dunno.

Anyway, I'm happy to provide the answers to any further questions you might have.

Do you also find that you don't like to address large groups because of this? Since I tend to change with each person to accommodate their needs, it is hard to address an entire group because I don't know how to act. Is this also a problem for you?
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Do you also find that you don't like to address large groups because of this? Since I tend to change with each person to accommodate their needs, it is hard to address an entire group because I don't know how to act. Is this also a problem for you?
Actually, I've never had this experience. I work as a teacher, so that may be a mitigating factor. What happens with me is closer to me depersonalizing the crowd and droning away (and, come to think of it, this may stem from the dilemma you mentioned) but I've never noticed specifically what you say.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Actually, I've never had this experience. I work as a teacher, so that may be a mitigating factor. What happens with me is closer to me depersonalizing the crowd and droning away (and, come to think of it, this may stem from the dilemma you mentioned) but I've never noticed specifically what you say.

Well I'm good at addressing entire groups, it's just that it annoys me sometimes because you have to be so careful what you say. After all, in our politically correct world, damn near anything will offend people now.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Well I'm good at addressing entire groups, it's just that it annoys me sometimes because you have to be so careful what you say. After all, in our politically correct world, damn near anything will offend people now.
That's very true. You can't please everyone, and on some days you can't please anyone.

You should use some of that 8 energy you're cultivating in that case. NOT ONE DAMN IS GIVEN. It can be liberating, try it. ;)
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
That's very true. You can't please everyone, and on some days you can't please anyone.

You should use some of that 8 energy you're cultivating in that case. NOT ONE DAMN IS GIVEN. It can be liberating, try it. ;)

lol that's right. Fuck em all!
 
Top