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  1. #51
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    As far as 7s in romance go, I briefly dated an ESFP 7w6 (not sure on instincts, but maybe sp/sx too). Good guy, no hard feelings, but I found him very draining. He required too much attention.

    I liked him immediately though because he is very warm, personable and easy to talk to. He seems to find anything you say fascinating and is happy to talk about anything (to the point of tiring me). He certainly seems happy & upbeat, but is prone to irritation or frustration over some minor things. It passes quickly, but it's a trend I notice with 7s to not cope well. He also could be flaky & irresponsible. I felt like I had to play the "J", which I resented.

    My ESFP sister is 7w6 also (so/sp I think, not really sure) and was quite the drama queen / attention-whore growing up. She's also very generous and loves to buy people gifts and basically lives to entertain in social situations (not like a professional performer). Growing up she didn't understand me much & would attack my personality a lot, basically telling me I was an "ugly person" & that people didn't like me, which was not true and which she has admitted to as an adult. There was a bullying streak in her to push to get what she wanted in a way that she seemed to think was justified, like it was for some greater good (7 ideals in a Se-dom I guess).

    She has a LOT of interests, ranging from sports to poetry to cooking to writing - she's not one-dimensional as people make Se-dom out to be, but pretty typically 7 in this way. Like my ex, she has at least a surface interest in most things, making her easy to talk to, probably why people like her almost instantly.

    She can seem deceptively positive. She actually gets depressed easily and has very few coping skills with anxiety. She will have an extreme impatience to get out of a mood or situation that is uncomfortable in anyway, which is some of where the hedonism comes from. Her level of impatience can make her hard to take at times; it's interesting how she has trouble seeing herself this way. It's like she thinks everyone else is bringing her down, but she is making everyone else miserable.

    If she has no plans for some fun in the near future, then she gets frustrated. She's always planning weekend getaways, trips for the next summer, what to eat tomorrow night, etc. She has to have experiences to look forward to, or it's like she gets anxious. She blows through money like water. I tend to shake my head at how little foresight she has for practical things (and I'm an INFP 4!), but how much detailed planning she can put into a party or pleasure vacation.

    We've always gotten along somewhat, but she had a bossy streak that would clash with my quiet stubbornness. With other people, she can get obnoxiously opinionated at times. I tend to get fed up with her short-sighted pleasure-seeking and she with my navel-gazing (often sees my analytical side as "hostile"). She likes to play "dumb blond" to manipulate people, which annoys me, and she accuses me of being a self-righteous martyr.

    Some of this is our Jungian types clashing too of course. But we mostly get along, both being pretty easy-going and liberal in our tastes (not really attaching moral judgements to aesthetic experiences the way, say, my iSFJ e6 mom will). IDK if we'd be friends if not family, but given that I usually click with them, probably, once initial bias wore off on her end. With her various illnesses, she is more understanding towards others now who are not 24/7 upbeat partiers.

    Ne-dom 7 is probably quite different. Not sure if my childhood best friend was ENFP 7w6, but likely. She adored me at first, then grew annoyed with how "anti-social" (aka unsociable) I was. I also was too much a voice of morality, even if in action more than words. She didn't want to be bothered with consciences.

    Generally, I like 7s off the bat and they seem inclined to like me. We often both like art and novelty and some indulgence in luxury and experience, so they're fun to hang out with. For romance, I might find them too overwhelming in the long run. I can't match their energy and perhaps I would start to feel like a downer.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #52
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SophiaDeep View Post
    That's why I like you...Get the fuck over it and stop being dramatic! Even thought it might hurt us, I think a slap like that is what most of us need ...
    That would very much anger me. That's the kind of thing someone says to me if they want me to never speak to them again.

    I do much better with someone making me laugh in a way that commiserates a bit but does not indulge. This helps me take it more lightly, the way it probably should be taken. Most 7s I know are witty enough to do this, and it seems more their style if healthier anyway. When unhealthy, they do what my sister does, which is to bully someone into "happy" or they split and run, I guess.

    ---
    Oh, the ESFP e7 ex and I broke up because I got so tired of him that I started purposely being difficult and a downer so he'd break up with me (yep, I'm spineless like that sometimes). It worked like a charm, but I was so appreciative when he initiated the break-up talk that he seemed semi-insulted, like he realized my moodiness near the end had been something of a put-on.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #53

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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    That would very much anger me. That's the kind of thing someone says to me if they want me to never speak to them again.

    I do much better with someone making me laugh in a way that commiserates a bit but does not indulge. This helps me take it more lightly, the way it probably should be taken. Most 7s I know are witty enough to do this, and it seems more their style if healthier anyway. When unhealthy, they do what my sister does, which is to bully someone into "happy" or they split and run, I guess.
    Well most of the 7s I know have the charm you described. But really...I sometimes feel like there should be a person who tells me something like this. And where there is not I usually say this to my own self. I agree it can be very hurtful for a 4, but I can see at my own self, that sometimes my feelings are just too much. I just have this kind of breake within myself that simply doesn't allow me to go so dramatic about my feelings and sometimes I just like to hear...fuck your misery, life is about much more, than this. 4s just sometimes go too far...I dislike the drama.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Too funny, my childhood best friend is a 7 too (w/8 to be specific)! Sidebar: Woah, I should totally talk to her about this whole topic, why did I not think of that! We got into shenanigans too, but the interesting thing is that we sort of juggled the leadership between us. I was guilty of the "what, other friends?" thing too, we actually had a third wheel tag-a-long friend (whom I believe is either 2w3 or 3w2) whom I was terrible to. It was probably out of territoriality towards my best friend, but it's not excuse-- I was way to honest about her annoying, clingy, cry-in-an-instant self. I have since appologized to her close to...10 times. At least a couple were in written form.
    Weird, we had a 2w3 mutual friend as well (the child of the neighbor with the abused dog, actually). I'd get annoyed when we formed a trio, but eventually I'd realize "the more the merrier" and we'd all have a good time (why I'm soc-second, I guess). Still, that initial reaction was there. HOW DARE YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS?
    About your 7 or 2 friend, I haven't had the fool-hardy issue with 7's yet. That's either because I don't know enough of them, or because I'm actually pretty adventurous myself-- I don't act like an idiot, but fear doesn't really have a place in my life.
    I don't consider myself to be an overly fearful person, actually, but when my friend, unwed and 5 months pregnant, told me she was going to Egypt, alone, to teach English during the Arab Spring...that's like, Um LOL...Do you know how stupid you sound??? Things like that always had me shouting an opinion at her. I am not suggesting most 7s would do that, btw--she's quite at the extreme end of unrealism.

    And, a couple people have given similar responses, which I'd like to comment on:
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i think i just sort of live my life with the understanding of all the struggles people have to endure...all the hardships...like true hardships..poverty..mental illness...having no family or friends...being incarcerated...loosing family members...your child?? or not being able to care for them? or being evicted or not having a job? or being in a major accident etc etc

    and i just have no patience for it...

    the complaints about made up shit. like...it is visceral...it pisses me off. it's being handed a beautiful gift and shitting all over it.

    sorry
    First, let me say that as a 4w5 I am in total agreement with much of this. I have a sister, for instance, who claims to be a 4, and she's quite similar. She was raised in a double income household, never yelled at about money, never ostracized, never publicly humiliated, has had friends and lovers wherever she turned, and had not one, but TWO--count 'em, TWO--loving parents. For whatever reason, this is markedly different from my own upbringing, yet she's been even more ungrateful than I am!

    She used to feel superior to us, for instance, because we're coarse people who haven't "suffered". And I just have to look at her and think, a) how do you know what we've experienced, and b) how exactly have you suffered???

    Now I can go on the negative downswings you describe here...definitely..."I HATE MY LIFE!" but I have long tried to be cognizant of the fact that most people have it worse than I do.

    I actually feel more depressed about the fact that I don't have a life than about the fact that I've "suffered". I can't speak for other 4s (clearly, not my sister anyway), but for me, it's the boredom inherent in being cut off from life. I've found that my self-pity is inversely proportional to the number of years I've spent having moved out of the house.

    I think as reactive types, 4s tend to be in a better state when times are hard. It's when things are too easy that we start making problems for ourselves and others (or at least this has been a readily-observable principle in my life). Again, this is a reactive type thing.

    Just be careful--as a 4, I could easily look at 7s and think they're shitting all over a beautiful gift by only opening it halfway and moving onto the next thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    That would very much anger me. That's the kind of thing someone says to me if they want me to never speak to them again.

    I do much better with someone making me laugh in a way that commiserates a bit but does not indulge. This helps me take it more lightly, the way it probably should be taken. Most 7s I know are witty enough to do this, and it seems more their style if healthier anyway. When unhealthy, they do what my sister does, which is to bully someone into "happy" or they split and run, I guess.
    Strongly agree. What I resent more than anything is someone telling me to "get over something". That essentially belittles my own experience and, with the way I am, will likely end with my fist in your teeth--or at least a door slamming in your face. When I'm having my "moods", the best possible thing anyone can do is let them burn out. They will, and if it disturbs you that I'm experiencing something, that says more about you than it says about me, actually.

    It's far better still to offer me an incentive, like ice cream. If you can divert my attention without judging me or acting like you think I'm "wrong", then we can talk. If you attempt to force me out of something because I displease you, you're only going to inflame the issue.

  5. #55
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Weird, we had a 2w3 mutual friend as well (the child of the neighbor with the abused dog, actually). I'd get annoyed when we formed a trio, but eventually I'd realize "the more the merrier" and we'd all have a good time (why I'm soc-second, I guess). Still, that initial reaction was there. HOW DARE YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS?

    I don't consider myself to be an overly fearful person, actually, but when my friend, unwed and 5 months pregnant, told me she was going to Egypt, alone, to teach English during the Arab Spring...that's like, Um LOL...Do you know how stupid you sound??? Things like that always had me shouting an opinion at her. I am not suggesting most 7s would do that, btw--she's quite at the extreme end of unrealism.

    And, a couple people have given similar responses, which I'd like to comment on:

    First, let me say that as a 4w5 I am in total agreement with much of this. I have a sister, for instance, who claims to be a 4, and she's quite similar. She was raised in a double income household, never yelled at about money, never ostracized, never publicly humiliated, has had friends and lovers wherever she turned, and had not one, but TWO--count 'em, TWO--loving parents. For whatever reason, this is markedly different from my own upbringing, yet she's been even more ungrateful than I am!

    She used to feel superior to us, for instance, because we're coarse people who haven't "suffered". And I just have to look at her and think, a) how do you know what we've experienced, and b) how exactly have you suffered???

    Now I can go on the negative downswings you describe here...definitely..."I HATE MY LIFE!" but I have long tried to be cognizant of the fact that most people have it worse than I do.

    I actually feel more depressed about the fact that I don't have a life than about the fact that I've "suffered". I can't speak for other 4s (clearly, not my sister anyway), but for me, it's the boredom inherent in being cut off from life. I've found that my self-pity is inversely proportional to the number of years I've spent having moved out of the house.

    I think as reactive types, 4s tend to be in a better state when times are hard. It's when things are too easy that we start making problems for ourselves and others (or at least this has been a readily-observable principle in my life). Again, this is a reactive type thing.

    Just be careful--as a 4, I could easily look at 7s and think they're shitting all over a beautiful gift by only opening it halfway and moving onto the next thing.


    Strongly agree. What I resent more than anything is someone telling me to "get over something". That essentially belittles my own experience and, with the way I am, will likely end with my fist in your teeth--or at least a door slamming in your face. When I'm having my "moods", the best possible thing anyone can do is let them burn out. They will, and if it disturbs you that I'm experiencing something, that says more about you than it says about me, actually.

    It's far better still to offer me an incentive, like ice cream. If you can divert my attention without judging me or acting like you think I'm "wrong", then we can talk. If you attempt to force me out of something because I displease you, you're only going to inflame the issue.
    I hear ya but don't relate to that. Maybe it's the sxness. It must be. But I open a beautiful gift and my heart feels overwhelmed by the beauty... Like cut to the core and I want to experience every part of it... Leaving nothing unrecognized or unappreciated.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #56
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    I hear ya but don't relate to that. Maybe it's the sxness. It must be. But I open a beautiful gift and my heart feels overwhelmed by the beauty... Like cut to the core and I want to experience every part of it... Leaving nothing unrecognized or unappreciated.
    That's great! But, I'm talking 7s in general, really (we are not the descriptions, obviously).

  7. #57
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    I hear ya but don't relate to that. Maybe it's the sxness. It must be. But I open a beautiful gift and my heart feels overwhelmed by the beauty... Like cut to the core and I want to experience every part of it... Leaving nothing unrecognized or unappreciated.
    Me too! Maybe it's just because I have strong sx too? I mean, it could go either way I guess. When I went to see Kelly live for the first time after 11 years of being her fan, I was just out in the audience dancing, singing along with her, having the time of my life. After that I felt completely drained like I had spent all my energy on her, so I told my mom that I wanted to leave before Maroon 5 came on. In this sense I sort of missed an opportunity and only opened the can halfway but I mean come on, she's in my signature, I have a blog about her, I have all of her songs plus some underground albums and unreleased demos on my iPod, how could I not just totally spend all of my energy when she was on stage?
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  8. #58
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    That's great! But, I'm talking 7s in general, really (we are not the descriptions, obviously).
    Okay sure yeah it's not all about me fine
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #59
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    I hear ya but don't relate to that. Maybe it's the sxness. It must be. But I open a beautiful gift and my heart feels overwhelmed by the beauty... Like cut to the core and I want to experience every part of it... Leaving nothing unrecognized or unappreciated.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    Me too! Maybe it's just because I have strong sx too? I mean, it could go either way I guess. When I went to see Kelly live for the first time after 11 years of being her fan, I was just out in the audience dancing, singing along with her, having the time of my life. After that I felt completely drained like I had spent all my energy on her, so I told my mom that I wanted to leave before Maroon 5 came on. In this sense I sort of missed an opportunity and only opened the can halfway but I mean come on, she's in my signature, I have a blog about her, I have all of her songs plus some underground albums and unreleased demos on my iPod, how could I not just totally spend all of my energy when she was on stage?
    Hang on, though. If ya'll are talking about immersing yourselves in the experience, I can also relate, and feel extremely fulfilled and grateful. I think it IS sx-ness.

    I'm more inclined to be ungrateful when I'm bored in general--there aren't always peak experiences, after all and not putting my energies to use can be extremely depressing.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    Okay sure yeah it's not all about me fine
    LOL, you self-centered thing you!!! YOU THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO YOU??? XD

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