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  1. #41
    Riva
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    E4 is something i can never relate to and thank my lucky stars i can't.

    I don't recall ever dating a e4; so can't give feedback there. From what i have read in this thread it seems like a terrible idea too. I can be sensitive and open up when the moment strikes but don't think i can do it when it is needed. Okay that's not true either. I can and do so whe i realize it is required but i just have to have physical contact to do so. Considering what has been written here it seems though it is jot enough and my goodness i wouldn't be able to meet those standards. Hmm i just can't imagine someone like @Ginkgo being so emotionally open and expressive at random moments. (Correct me if i am wrong.)

    Friendship wise it has been smooth sailing. I don't think they see me as someone who is open for their whatver therefore i haven't been a victim of whatever. However i have had instances where one person kept on getting offended by me and assume i mean the worst. Is this a e4 thing or a e6 thing? Also is it common to not solve issues by talking about them for e4s or could it be a e9 tritype thing?

    I have read at a couple of instances that 4s and 8s make god partners. I just can't see that happening seeing how sensitive 4s seem to be and how unresponsive 8s seems to be to snsitivity.

  2. #42
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    the complaints about made up shit. like...it is visceral...it pisses me off. it's being handed a beautiful gift and shitting all over it.
    The thing is that I can be remarkably calm during actual, serious life problems. But the seemingly insignificant stuff is what will really bother me and that I'll dwell on.

  3. #43
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I personally don't get on very well with "reactive" types (4-6-8) in day-to-day life. I perceive them as quickly making mountains out of molehills in everyday issues, and that can really stress me out.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #44
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I personally don't get on very well with "reactive" types (4-6-8) in day-to-day life. I perceive them as quickly making mountains out of molehills in everyday issues, and that can really stress me out.
    but guys .........

  5. #45
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Hmm i just can't imagine someone like @Ginkgo being so emotionally open and expressive at random moments. (Correct me if i am wrong.)
    I don't think I tell people what I'm feeling unless I trust them, which requires a level of depth not offered to most of those in a group setting. If I'm emotionally expressive, it's typically in response to someone who targets me, puts me on the spot, or if I'm doing it to help someone not feel alone. My emotional expressions are almost always premeditated, so if that's the opposite of "random", as you say, then you're right.

    As far as 4s relating to 7s - I think we often enjoy similar pastimes. We can both be exhibitionists, but for opposite reasons. 4s are more drawn toward what they see as negative while 7s are drawn toward what they see as positive - those things often overlap because both types often have a taste for novelty. Both types tend to possess a strong sense of hope and vision.

  6. #46
    Ginkgo
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    @Riva, 7s will learn something like a magpie picks up a new bit of trash and swiftly takes it to the nest, while 4s will learn something in depth, even if it means they break their assholes into 3 pieces. Still, both types like finding unorthodox things to mull around.

  7. #47
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntiheroComplex View Post

    I think he was sp-last, actually! He had definitely disintegrated to Two, though.

    I don't think healthy relationships between Fours and Sevens are impossible (nothing's impossible). I tried to give these ridiculous illustrations of marinading chickens and coked-up co-eds because that's unfortunately how we'd started to view each other. Ours was not a healthy relationship; we'd take off the gloves instead of working together to find common ground.

    The Wandering Eye Syndrome is a risk factor, however. I won't speak for everyone (I know that Sevens can settle down and marry), but this has been my personal experience. I know that I am this way, and trying to explain to my friends that I've never been attracted to a single person at any time in my whole life...well, that gets some weird looks.

    The good news is that I don't need to act on those attractions, and if I love somebody enough, then that person can truly be enough. I've never cheated and I love very passionately. The bad news is that I imagine the mere knowledge of my involuntary attractions could make a Four pretty bummed out inside, nurturing feelings of worthlessness and resentment...and that's not how I'd ever want to make a romantic partner of mine feel.

    Anyway, I'm glad that you found some worthwhile tidbits to pick over!
    Specifically on the Wandering Eye Syndrome: Actually, I think 4's and 7's are both very particular about their romantic partners (especially if Sx-first) and are guilty of the WES (as I shall call it), but at different stages of the game. 7's are eager and focused in the beginning but their eyes can wander once invested, but 4's can be the complete opposite when healthy (unhealthy 4's are clingy the whole way through). I'm kind of a hard catch in the early stages because I know how capable I am of merging totally with someone, and the pain that can cause if it doesn't last. I like to keep my options open and am hesitant to commit to or even encourage one person specifically unless they've made their intentions known. I've found that it's actually healthy for me to allow myself to be attracted to more than one person (as a single, uncommitted person) because if I focus on one too soon in the relationship, I will obsess over them in my head-- that leads to all sorts of bad disintegrating. I find it so interesting how much juxtaposition there is between 4 + 7 in that. I wonder if the opposite is healthy for 7's: to allow themselves to narrow the playing field, focus in on and peruse one person. I'd love your thoughts (as well as any other 7's reading) on that.

    On your honesty about WES, I think that telling the truth is the best thing you can do in that situation. I also think having an emotionally healthy, self-confidant partner helps quite a bit to prevent WES.
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  8. #48
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Default My post on PerC about this topic yesterday:

    I fear that I cannot escape my fate. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I am going to end up marrying a 7. I will convince myself he is another type until it's too late, and the truth will ultimately reveal itself. My fate is bound to a life of deciphering cryptic nuances, surviving drastic shifts in mood, striving to win a single round of mental chess, and being ignored until its convenient. I am DOOMED.




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  9. #49
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Animal View Post
    I fear that I cannot escape my fate. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I am going to end up marrying a 7. I will convince myself he is another type until it's too late, and the truth will ultimately reveal itself. My fate is bound to a life of deciphering cryptic nuances, surviving drastic shifts in mood, striving to win a single round of mental chess, and being ignored until its convenient. I am DOOMED.




    Oh? Please, do expand on that.
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  10. #50
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Specifically on the Wandering Eye Syndrome: Actually, I think 4's and 7's are both very particular about their romantic partners (especially if Sx-first) and are guilty of the WES (as I shall call it), but at different stages of the game. 7's are eager and focused in the beginning but their eyes can wander once invested, but 4's can be the complete opposite when healthy (unhealthy 4's are clingy the whole way through). I'm kind of a hard catch in the early stages because I know how capable I am of merging totally with someone, and the pain that can cause if it doesn't last. I like to keep my options open and am hesitant to commit to or even encourage one person specifically unless they've made their intentions known. I've found that it's actually healthy for me to allow myself to be attracted to more than one person (as a single, uncommitted person) because if I focus on one too soon in the relationship, I will obsess over them in my head-- that leads to all sorts of bad disintegrating. I find it so interesting how much juxtaposition there is between 4 + 7 in that. I wonder if the opposite is healthy for 7's: to allow themselves to narrow the playing field, focus in on and peruse one person. I'd love your thoughts (as well as any other 7's reading) on that.

    On your honesty about WES, I think that telling the truth is the best thing you can do in that situation. I also think having an emotionally healthy, self-confidant partner helps quite a bit to prevent WES.
    This is a great post. Thank you for sharing!

    I do align with the Seven perspective as you've described it here (the intense beginnings followed by a curiosity to explore something else), but your own approach resonates with me, too, even if for slightly different reasons. This has probably been the result of me learning more about the way that I am, coping long-term with the abusive situations I've been in, and rethinking the methods I've used in the past.

    I used to dive in headfirst, recklessly following whatever chemical trails happened to pique my interest. I fear that I may be a romantic deep down because I used to pursue these men and engage in heavy, committed relationships at supersonic speed, actually believing there was potential for permanence when I hadn't known my partners for very long at all! I even once moved halfway across the country to be with a man whom I'd flirted with for all of three months. Obviously, that didn't end well; I spent nearly a year with that one before bailing when the going got tough.

    Of course, this paradigm is shaky at best. I couldn't leave my partners without hurting them emotionally. In spite of the nasty things some of them would say in heated arguments, they all apparently found me charming and desirable enough that they wanted to keep me around. I was always the one to initiate my break-ups, and the men I dated would seem almost surprised that I wanted out - regardless of how many times I'd tried to express my growing restlessness and unhappiness. I would get hurt, too...sometimes physically.

    I'm still driven by those chemical connections, and my friendships (with men, especially) still have a tendency to escalate quickly. This has always been my nature, and I've accepted that it always will be.

    For a while now, though, I've been shy of entering formal, exclusive relationships. Not only am I hard to keep around, I'm no longer eager to commit in the first place...even if I really, really like the guy. In that aspect, I relate to your hesitation around new romantic candidates, but perhaps the reasons are just a little bit different. I've ceased to see the appeal in complicating even sexual relationships with an official status and the expectations that tend to follow; I know the risks of hurting other people with my changeability and Wandering Eyes, and I'm also aware of the likelihood of getting hurt myself (I guess I don't want to be vulnerable to that kind of damage anymore).

    This perspective may not be the healthiest, according to some, but I'm quite happy and this is the approach I'm taking for now. And hey, since these are my individual experiences, it's unfortunately important to note that things shift a little whenever...abuse enters the picture. Ugh. Anyway, with regard to narrowing down the search and focusing on one person as being healthier for a Seven...it might be a good idea, it feels like a good idea, but it wasn't so good whenever I used to do it!

    I think your summary of the Four/Seven flight modes is really interesting, and I agree with the general way you've got them sorted out. The Four I dated was, initially, less interested in getting serious than I was...then boom, two months later, he was cozy and happy while I began to fear the kind of seriousness I thought I had wanted in the beginning.
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