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  1. #11
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Spoken like a true sensitive NF.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  2. #12
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    they tend to throw pity parties for themselves
    lol all u 7s just jelly 'cause that's one party you're not invited to

  3. #13
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    I love 7s as friends, otherwise it never seem to get anywhere with them past the flirting phase , so can't contribute from personal experience, here: have some theory:

    Type Four-Type Seven

    Enneagram Fours and Sevens tend to be intrigued by each other since they are a generally a case of opposites attracting. Fours tend to be quiet, introverted, self-doubting, emotional, and pessimistic, while Sevens tend to be outgoing, extroverted, self-confident, mental, and optimistic. Sevens help Fours overcome shyness and a possible reluctance to try new experiences. Fours help Sevens stay focused on what they really want—and to respect and allow their feelings. Fours and Sevens bring to their relationship the charge and mystery of their differences—that they think so differently, react so differently, and find pleasure in such different ways. They can therefore become intrigued by the other, finding him or her endlessly fascinating, always ready with something new and unexpected.
    Both Fours and Sevens bring a capacity for joy and ecstasy, spontaneity, emotion, and for passion. Both Fours and Sevens love lively conversation and they can pass hours sharing with each other detailed accounts of the events of the day as well as their thoughts and reactions. Both Fours and Sevens love the finer things of life, travel, good food, wine, clothes, and furnishings, and, for better or worse, both can tend to overspend their incomes on what they consider life's necessities—caviar, champagne, and another trip to Europe. They both have a love of the new and a sense of adventure and romance that can keep their relationship fresh and lively for themselves and be a source of joy and inspiration for others. Both types can be funny, irreverent, and entertaining. There is also an earthiness and bawdiness to both, as well as, paradoxically, a sophistication and elitism. Being opposites, Fours and Sevens can balance each other: Fours bringing a sense of depth and interiority, while Sevens contribute a sense of fun and emotional resilience.

    Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

    Because they are so different in many ways, Fours and Sevens must have several strong points of attraction or else they will likely miss connecting with each other. Unless some strong passion (romantic, mental, or spiritual) keeps them together, they are likely to fly apart if there are any deep disagreements or conflicts early in the relationship. Both types tend to be impulsive and to be easily frustrated with others when they are disappointed or if their life circumstances do not go as they expect. Both have high expectations for the kind of attention and quality of interactions they want from others, and if they are not forthcoming, both tend to not give others too many second chances to prove themselves. While Fours may admire and even secretly envy the Seven's resilience and high energy, they may also find themselves worn down by their fast-paced lives and what feels to Fours like the Seven's relentless plans and activities. Fours can see Sevens as too noisy, superficial, and insensitive-and occasionally coarse and insulting without realizing it.
    On the other hand, Sevens may admire and try to imitate the Four's artistic flair, creativity, and appreciation of subtlety and beauty. But Sevens can also see Fours as hypersensitive, ineffectual, impractical, moody, and self-absorbed. In addition, if the relationship worsens, Fours usually become more withholding and hostile, sniping at the other from a safe distance. Sevens become more impatient, abrasive, and can be verbally abusive. Fours may want to talk about everything that has gone wrong with the relationship in great detail with the Seven. By contrast, Sevens typically want to move on to something more promising and upbeat. The result is that underlying problems do not get resolved adequately. Once this relationship curdles, virtually everything each admired and was attracted to in the other becomes irritating and insufferable.

  4. #14
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daenera View Post
    lol all u 7s just jelly 'cause that's one party you're not invited to
    Except no. Who wants to go to a party where everyone is sad and no fun?! That's the thing I've learned about a lot of 4s I've met - the fact that they place so much effort on their identity and what's missing makes them kind of boring anyway. I mean, sort of in contrast to what @AntiheroComplex was saying, I'm not going to instantly feel what you're feeling and connect with that if I know that your life has actually been pretty good and filled with good people and plenty to be thankful for. My empathy isn't earned by being unhappy, it goes more out to those who try to stay strong and not let life phase them and sometimes crack when life gets hard.

    That said, when 4s are actually in better moods I find them really fun to interact with because I can just shoot out anything as weird as possible and they'll follow through with it. And they do have a lot of passionate things to say when they're not out romanticizing how they feel. So in that sense they're really not boring people when they're in a good mood. And after they warm up to me they'll start to be more self-assertive in social interaction which I like because I don't like being relied on to carry the conversation and always initiate it.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  5. #15
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    @Lady X
    No worries, thanks for being honest! I'm happy to wait to get both the positive and negative sides of your experience.

    @chana Oh, your experience seems familiar to me! The female 7 I mentioned has a introverted female 6 best friend, they operate in much the same way! Perhaps it's my 8-fix that keeps me from functioning that way?

    @Chanaynay No worries, I'm glad to have your perspective! My female 7 actually wasn't offended at all, just didn't speak my language at first. Once she realized I just wanted to know her better, and that I was uncomfortable with shallow affection from someone who didn't know me, she understood. Continuing to make time for an actual friendship though, is another story entirely and something I know is not feasible for her at the moment. I'm just glad to have gotten to know her a bit, and because of it I feel less awkward and am able to receive her when she greets me (because she actually knows me a bit now too). Give and take, you know?

    @Elfboy Haha, "cold and seething"! I love your descriptive words, and yes I can see that in my much less healthy self-- lower average levels probably, I did bite. The only time I act that way (even in social settings) now is when I actually feel insulted, or disrespected. You seemed to have a pretty good grasp on motivations and such, so I'm sure you realize those negative reactions of 4w5 are rooted in shame, fear and insecurity.

    @Sanjuro Too funny, my childhood best friend is a 7 too (w/8 to be specific)! Sidebar: Woah, I should totally talk to her about this whole topic, why did I not think of that! We got into shenanigans too, but the interesting thing is that we sort of juggled the leadership between us. I was guilty of the "what, other friends?" thing too, we actually had a third wheel tag-a-long friend (whom I believe is either 2w3 or 3w2) whom I was terrible to. It was probably out of territoriality towards my best friend, but it's not excuse-- I was way to honest about her annoying, clingy, cry-in-an-instant self. I have since appologized to her close to...10 times. At least a couple were in written form.

    About your 7 or 2 friend, I haven't had the fool-hardy issue with 7's yet. That's either because I don't know enough of them, or because I'm actually pretty adventurous myself-- I don't act like an idiot, but fear doesn't really have a place in my life. I had a boss similar to yours too, but I can't decide if he was a 9w8 or a 7. He was pretty passive when it came to conflict, swept a lot of important business stuff under the rug, and did the same "don't you dare say everything on planet Earth isn't awesome" thing. *pop* Oooops.

    @ayoitsStepho Sorry to hear that, I hope those situations get better!
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  6. #16
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    @AntiheroComplex Wow, thanks for such detail! Perhaps your 4w5 was of the Sp-first variety, sounds a bit that way. Also maybe not very healthy, the clingy, long-winded text messages while you were at work sound like definite disintegration to 2 in my opinion. Which, yes, is super annoying and ick. I've been there, and never ever plan to return. I do think I'd tire a bit of the "laughing off my problems, running and running and running like a naked, coked-up co-ed who thinks every day is spring break. Well not that bad, but you know." if there was no emotional connection, or heart-to-heart after, between or during adventures.

    The Wandering Eye Syndrome is something I've thought about quite a bit, especially because the way your scenario played out is exactly how I would feel if I'd let my walls down, shared my world, and then was left for the next thing. Ouch (this is why I've been so guarded with the 7w8 I mentioned). Though I do see why you deemed the relationship unhealthy and unsatisfying, and ultimately ended it. If I was with a 4 who behaved like that, so would I.

    Your friendship experiences do reflect on what the draw between the two types is though-- as it surely is there! Thanks for being so detailed and expressive, I'll probably continue to read over your post and draw more from it as time goes.

    @Amargith :/ I can assume that took some time to heal from, but I hope you have. Thank you for sharing as I think your experience gives a lot of insight specifically to a 4 + 7 relationship when both are Sx-first.

    @phobik I'd love to hear your take as well!

    @Daenera Thanks, great minds think alike as I included a link to that in the OP.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    your being sx will make all the difference i think.

    plus you're infj not infp. so you don't personalize everything as much...idk...infjs can be pretty sensitive too tho.

    hmm... just 7's are not as sensitive as 4's

    it's not that we can't be sensitive but we do not take everything personal at all.

    you may not either but right now...that's what is irritating me...about the bf
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #18
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    oh, i can answer questions too. i'm a 7 in a relationship with a 4 (but don't ask me to write mountains of text/start topics etc)

  9. #19

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    I get along the best with 7s. I am not sure if it has something to do with being 4, or the fact how very strong my 7 fix is. I get along with them the best, because everytime I feel depressed they make it all look much less tragic and actually can really make me laugh. Everytime I feel like drowning in my own self and thoughts they pull me out and get me back to earth and other people. They function like the brake when my feelings become overwhelming. I need them to make me laugh and to help get out of my shell, to show more perspectives of life. And I adore them for their creativity, inovation and open mind... I've never met more creative and inspiring people, than 7s.

  10. #20
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    from my perspective...i never get it. the type 4's wahh life sucks shit. i just don't.. i look a their life and think you ungrateful lil bastard...look at all that you have??!! and their complaints about them self...also...like wtf are you talking about?? there's nothing wrong

    so...that is potentially a super uncomplimentary dynamic.

    i'm sure 4's very much just want us to relate but instead we're (i'm) like....but...but...it's all freakin made up!! and you need to get over it!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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