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Things you're surprised to notice about each type

Showbread

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Considering how fives fear being useless, helpless and incapable, when they finally attach in relationships, they can be quite clingy and needy.

So true.

I think I have been surprised by how inconsiderate 9s can be sometimes. Mine seems blissfully unaware of how her actions impact other people.
 

HongDou

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Social 7s
For the longest time it baffled me why 7s are said to mistype at 2...then I read about the Social 7. Social 7s are what most people think of when they think of 7. they're bright, bubbly, cheerful, entertaining and typically enjoy large social events. however, when compared to Self Preservation, Sexual 7s and the core neurosis of 7, Social 7s are really the anti 7 of the bunch. Naranjo refers to Social 7s as anti gluttony and Maitri gives them the theme of Sacrifice.

Social Instinct
when I first read about the social instinct, it made me think of tribal gatherings, bars full of drunken sports fans and high school cliques, but I've come to realize that the Social instinct is generally the most intellectual of the instincts, possessing and almost Ni-ish means of knowing what's going on and how everything and everyone are interconnected (which I'm increasingly finding is a very useful ability that I lack completely). contrary to my previous opinions, So doms are also among the most socially critical types and can typically tell you all manner of things they'd like to see changed in their society or the world at large.

Yeah, I know you love me but thanks for making a post to show how much you appreciate me. :smooch:

8s

When I first got into e-gram, the thought of an 8 (thanks to sketchy online descriptions) just terrified me to be honest. I thought being around one would cause me to deplete a lot of my emotional energy, interacting with them would always be intense, etc. But I realized that 8s are surprisingly level-headed in every day situations. Their assertion and confidence is expressed with that steady energy that I associate with the rest of the gut center, and their straight-shooting attitude and level of willpower is actually a breath of fresh air. Being friends with an 8 is actually the exact opposite of my first impression, it makes you feel really safe and secure. They're fun to be around and you have that reassurance that they'll always have your back. Awesome people.
 

Sunny Ghost

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So true.

I think I have been surprised by how inconsiderate 9s can be sometimes. Mine seems blissfully unaware of how her actions impact other people.

Yes! I've noticed this about some 9's. Especially the ISFP 9's that are sx.
 

Showbread

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Yes! I've noticed this about some 9's. Especially the ISFP 9's that are sx.

Mine is an INFP. I think it probably just strikes me the most because as a 2 I'm pretty much always in tune with other people's feelings. The idea of not being that way is just totally foreign to me.
 

Galena

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[MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] [MENTION=10131]IndyAnnaJoan[/MENTION]
What are some examples of that 9 behavior?
 

Sunny Ghost

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[MENTION=17945]Misty[/MENTION] [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION]

The two girls I am thinking of: both are ISFP e9 sx.

They aren't purposefully inconsiderate, but sometimes have a selfishness to them. They just don't always seem to think about how they affect others.

For example, the one girl and I were moving in together. I kept reminding the girl of the move in date and what papers needed to be filled out and turned in and reminded her about getting the power and cable switched over and so forth. I was hoping we could both also help one another move our stuff. She kept forgetting and neglecting packing, the lease paperwork, calling the power and cable companies, etc. The weekend we were moving, she disappeared and went out partying for a couple of days. She drank hard and even did ecstasy. Basically not in any fit condition to take care of business. So I moved my stuff without her help and had it pretty much completed by the time she was supposed to be moved out of her apartment, too. She was supposed to be OUT of her apartment by the next morning. So even though I packed all of my stuff and moved it without her help, I was now put in the position of also moving her. She was sick due to the hard partying weekend, even came down with strep throat. So myself, and our good friend who already helped move my stuff, came to her rescue. We boxed, packed, put in the car, moved her stuff and then had to stay up late into the night to clean the apartment because it was a complete wreck and had to be cleaned (otherwise there would have been additional charges for her.) She didn't take care of any of the other stuff, like calling the electric and cable company and filling out the lease until that day, too. It's just incredibly irritating, and I suppose I'm just a bit more structured than that. I felt as though it was inconsiderate to not help me, but to expect me to come help her.

There was another time I was trying to prepare a meal for myself, her and her boyfriend. She's a vegetarian, so I bought her some of the faux meat. I was trying to prepare the meal, and was going to cook the real meat first since it takes longer to cook, then was going to cook the faux meat last. I had it all planned out, and asked if she would help cut the vegetables. Just as I was getting the stove fired up, she came and put her faux meat on to start cooking it. I was irritated because I didn't want both of us standing at the stove together, and wanted her to just take care of the other portion of the meal, that way there wouldn't be any mix ups. We just kept getting in one another's way. Then! Then the spoons from the real meat and the faux meat kept getting mixed up. I wanted to prevent this from occurring by just cooking the two at separate times, but alas she sorta screwed that up. She got upset that the spoon that was in the meat got her on vegetarian version. I told her to just get away from the stove at this point. Then the spoons got mixed up again, completely my fault this time. She then exclaimed, "I can't eat this." I could have screamed at that moment. I took the frying pan and threw the contents straight into the trash in anger. It angered me because I wanted to do something nice and had it all worked out in my head, what needed to be cooked at what time, etc. I felt as though she was inconsiderate in just leaping in and worrying about her faux meat before anything else, rather than asking me what needed to be done on the meal I was planning. Maybe I'm just rigid.

Both of these girls have a habit of taking off and neglecting their responsibilities, even their pets, forcing their roommates to pick up the slack. I cooked my roommates dog eggs and salmon this morning before I left for work because she hasn't been home in a couple of nights and we've run out of dog food. It's not my responsibility to buy the dog food since it's not my dog, but I'm not going to let the dog go hungry. She still isn't home and I can't decide if I should run to the store or just cook up some eggs and throw in some cat food.

Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate. She's a lot of fun and really cool and chill. But sometimes I just want to shake her.
 

Showbread

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[MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] [MENTION=10131]IndyAnnaJoan[/MENTION]
What are some examples of that 9 behavior?

Mine is an INFP, also my roommate, I think probably an so variant.

She is constantly late, and doesn't bother to tell you when she is going to arrive an hour late to something. She also talks and giggles during the most inappropriate times during movies and gets mad if you ask her to stop. And she can be insanely loud when other people in our house are trying to sleep.

She leaves messes everywhere. Like slightly gross messes, not just clutter. But essentially refuses to help my other roommates and I with the cleaning because "she doesn't care if it's clean so she shouldn't have to help."
 

Sunny Ghost

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Mine is an INFP, also my roommate, I think probably an so variant.

She is constantly late, and doesn't bother to tell you when she is going to arrive an hour late to something. She also talks and giggles during the most inappropriate times during movies and gets mad if you ask her to stop. And she can be insanely loud when other people in our house are trying to sleep.

She leaves messes everywhere. Like slightly gross messes, not just clutter. But essentially refuses to help my other roommates and I with the cleaning because "she doesn't care if it's clean so she shouldn't have to help."
My roommate just seems wholly unaware of messes. Beer cans everywhere, spills on the floor, pet hair everywhere, or the dirty litter box. One of the cats are hers, but somehow that duty seems to always fall on me. And I have to remind her to do things like take out the trash, vacuum, wash dishes, or pick up the porch. She's getting better at it, but it took me getting really upset a couple of times. Like, amazingly, she washed the dishes before she took off for a couple of days. But still hasn't touched the litter box. edit: Actually, it was probably her boyfriend that washed the dishes, now that I think about it. He cleans around here more often than she does.

Also, I wake for work at 4:45 some mornings and don't come back until after 8pm. She used to be bad about playing music loudly and giggly obnoxiously all through the hours of the night. But she's become more conscientious after I mentioned it a couple of times.
 

mcgooglian

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It all depends on the 9. I've seen some who are blissfully unaware, whereas having an 8 wing myself, the inconsiderateness is more due to apathy than being unaware.
 

Showbread

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My roommate just seems wholly unaware of messes. Beer cans everywhere, spills on the floor, pet hair everywhere, or the dirty litter box. One of the cats are hers, but somehow that duty seems to always fall on me. And I have to remind her to do things like take out the trash, vacuum, wash dishes, or pick up the porch. She's getting better at it, but it took me getting really upset a couple of times. Like, amazingly, she washed the dishes before she took off for a couple of days. But still hasn't touched the litter box. edit: Actually, it was probably her boyfriend that washed the dishes, now that I think about it. He cleans around here more often than she does.

Also, I wake for work at 4:45 some mornings and don't come back until after 8pm. She used to be bad about playing music loudly and giggly obnoxiously all through the hours of the night. But she's become more conscientious after I mentioned it a couple of times.

Exactly. Once my roommate left a takeout box with food in it out on her desk for a week. Our room wreaked of broccoli. She didn't understand why that was gross.
 

chickpea

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[MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] [MENTION=10131]IndyAnnaJoan[/MENTION]
What are some examples of that 9 behavior?

I had an ISFP 9 roommate, he was a really sweet guy but extremely flakey. He moved out very unexpectedly, he'd told us he was going to have to leave by the end of the month but tried to pack up all his stuff in the middle of the night without telling us 2 weeks before that.

He told us he was moving back on 3 different occasions and never ended up showing up, which made us have to pay more rent than we should have because we had an empty room saved for him. The first time he allegedly was driving here (south dakota to california) and his car broke down when he was like 3 hours away from our town, so he just went back to SD. Very skeptical about that story.

The other time, he was promising he would really show up this time, but admitted to not telling his boyfriend about his plans to move and was just going to leave in the middle of the night because he was sick of him. But ended up a no-show again and moved to Wyoming instead.

Man of mystery :shrug:
 

Z Buck McFate

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How it can look like self-righteousness (which it can) is in us "sticking up" for what we see as a breakdown of fairness. Meaning someone is cheating the system or inversely taking advantage of others. It doesn't matter to the CP6 whether this is purposeful or incidental fallout - until the CP6 investigates further. Then, if the CP6 realizes said person is doing this purposefully - they will zero in and try to oust that person of their credibility.

You won't be able to change their minds about said person and witch-hunting will commence and in their attempt to destroy said person, their behavior can get nasty because once we see someone "playing dirty" we do the same. Fair is fair. To outsiders, this can look hypocritical and self-righteous, not to mention completely contradictory to their normal behavior. The motivation for said behavior is in protecting someone/something sacred to the CP6. I just wanted to clarify.

Thats not to say assumption made by observation by the CP6 is correct. If it isn't, it causes disaster for everyone including the CP6. We can get hung with our own noose. It happens. CP6's would do well to remember the big picture and not get too bogged down with seek-and-destroy type behavior.

Well first- I don’t mean to imply I think this is what’s going on in every single CP6 (kinda like every 7 isn’t a full blown narcissist, every e5 a schizoid or every e8 a sadist, etc). I was just trying to make the point that I do see e6 having some e6 flavored story they cling to like any other type.

Second- yeah, that’s what it looks like on the outside (and to me). And what I was thinking about when I wrote that is a rather extreme end of it. At the bolded line above- it seems to me like some reach a point where ‘further investigation’ yields whatever they need it to yield? I’m not sure how to say this- there’s this strange confidence (?) they know they are Right….and they’re not. Specifically- when I said ‘self-righteous’- I’m referring to the shoot first and ask questions later attitude that some CP6 seem to have, like it’s better to err on the side of shooting the wrong people than to take the chance of someone who deserves it getting away without getting shot?

Where ‘further investigation’ actually reveals truth and where something unjust actually is exposed- that’s the plus side (just like the plus side of 5 is helpful to others, the plus side of seven is the boundless enthusiasm/joy, etc). What bothers me is that I’ve seen attempts to take people down a notch who really don’t deserve it- and where the CP6 would really almost obviously benefit more from focusing on themselves than focusing on ‘calling out’ others. I believe it’s a noble thing to actually level playing fields, but I also believe it’s really important to make sure the pedestals one wants to knock over are actually there.

Does that make more sense? Or is that still disagreeable?

*waits to be surprised to find out something about e6*

[And apologies for kinda derailing into side tangent.]
 

Galena

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[MENTION=10131]IndyAnnaJoan[/MENTION] [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] [MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION]

Yep, that's what I don't understand about my otherwise fab, textbook 9 sister. I cannot fathom putting a conflict, undone duty or other imbalance on the backburner as a path of least resistance. Loose ends are the most stressful option. If anything, I'm too weak at sitting with the unresolved, experiencing mental and physical effects that are so not worth it. How can you enjoy anything with such a huge backlog of missed school days just piled up there (she's found a better educational fit since)? The undone is a presence as solid as matter to me.

Thank you for the stories.
 

Sunny Ghost

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I guess, something to be surprised by type 4's is their need for cleanliness. I just realized most of us bitching about 9's messy behavior's are 4's.
 

skylights

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Well first- I don’t mean to imply I think this is what’s going on in every single CP6 (kinda like every 7 isn’t a full blown narcissist, every e5 a schizoid or every e8 a sadist, etc). I was just trying to make the point that I do see e6 having some e6 flavored story they cling to like any other type.

Second- yeah, that’s what it looks like on the outside (and to me). And what I was thinking about when I wrote that is a rather extreme end of it. At the bolded line above- it seems to me like some reach a point where ‘further investigation’ yields whatever they need it to yield? I’m not sure how to say this- there’s this strange confidence (?) they know they are Right….and they’re not. Specifically- when I said ‘self-righteous’- I’m referring to the shoot first and ask questions later attitude that some CP6 seem to have, like it’s better to err on the side of shooting the wrong people than to take the chance of someone who deserves it getting away without getting shot?

Where ‘further investigation’ actually reveals truth and where something unjust actually is exposed- that’s the plus side (just like the plus side of 5 is helpful to others, the plus side of seven is the boundless enthusiasm/joy, etc). What bothers me is that I’ve seen attempts to take people down a notch who really don’t deserve it- and where the CP6 would really almost obviously benefit more from focusing on themselves than focusing on ‘calling out’ others. I believe it’s a noble thing to actually level playing fields, but I also believe it’s really important to make sure the pedestals one wants to knock over are actually there.

Does that make more sense? Or is that still disagreeable?

*waits to be surprised to find out something about e6*

[And apologies for kinda derailing into side tangent.]

I think I know what you mean and have seen it before. A very powerful example of it, actually, at my work, not long ago. But I think what others are trying to get at here is that even when a 6 is doing that, they don't see themselves as a hero. They might feel like they are playing a "heroic" role, and they might act the part of the righteous, but I've been there before and done that and I didn't feel like a hero even though I was playing one to a certain extent. It's a consequence of the 6's constant questioning and doubting. An average 6 can't hold a self-concept that long, I don't think, if that makes sense, so it makes us more immune to forging a certain role for ourselves. Of course no one is totally protected from that - we all create ego narratives - but 6s, both phobic and cp, spend so much time questioning themselves and their actions that it's difficult for us to harbor a sense of righteousness for very long. Even if it appears from the outside that we do. 6s are more outwardly dedicated than we ever are within... I've read somewhere that the difference between a 3 and a 6 is that they both wear masks, but the 6 consciously realizes that they do.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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At face value this part legitimately surprised me, because it just flat out says that 4's are actually emulating the greats/artistics rather than actually being original themselves. You always hear that 4's are the original artistic type, so it's pretty surprising to see this part about them.
All art is either plagiarism or a revolution.

Exactly. There is nothing original about being a hipster, goth, emo, etc. so I don't get why that's so heavily associated with 4.
Agreed--my sister self-types as a social 4, but when she joined the emo movement, I had to question this. She makes fun of hipsters, though.

I couldn't agree more. It always bugs me when the need to feel unique card is emphasized as what fours are all about. I think it's why there are so many people who mistype as four or want to be four. But what I think it is is that non-fours interpret the four drive for authenticity as this need to be different. That's not it at all, it's just this need to be true to the self. I also think it's why fours are so driven to fully understand themselves, because if they don't fully understand themselves, what is the self that they are supposed to be true to.
I once read a 4 description which included the condescending advice that, "you don't need to always try to showcase your uniqueness. Try to peg your identity less on this" or something to that effect. Clearly, this author did not understand type 4.

I can't speak for the others, but I personally can't help it. It may seem so to others, but no "showcasing" is intended--I just kind of do the things I like. Even in the instances where I need to be "normal", it somehow backfires on me, hence me constantly wondering what's "wrong" with me and why I'm so messed up.

Being thought of as "unique" can be a point of pride for me, but also a wedge between myself and humanity. And it's really only a consequence of my inability to "sell-out" rather than anything I have specifically striven for. In my mind, it's all just obvious and normal.

So true.

I think I have been surprised by how inconsiderate 9s can be sometimes. Mine seems blissfully unaware of how her actions impact other people.

[MENTION=10131]IndyAnnaJoan[/MENTION] [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] [MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION]

Yep, that's what I don't understand about my otherwise fab, textbook 9 sister. .

GUYS. SO much agreement.

Now me, I'm as much of a slob as the 9s mentioned here (lovely sp-last)...but I've noticed that 9s are amongst the types most likely to decry others' selfishness, yet can be some of the most startlingly selfish people on the enneagram.

There's a reluctance to take moral responsibility (like reporting an affair to a questioning spouse) lest it disturb inner peace or upset others. It's like, Ummm...you gonna deal with this or let it blow up on the rest of us??" (You know what the answer is).

My parents are both 9s, and the times I've needed them most, they suddenly go absent. They feel that their presence doesn't "really matter" and they'd sooner not bother. Even when you ask them. With 9s, there's a major undertone of "not my problem". And, you can't even make them face their crimes.

I don't say that to bash 9s, but it's the legitimate downside of a psychological base designed to maintain inner equilibrium. All is sacrificed to the God of Peace.

Now for my own contributions:

6s. Sometimes, for all they try to cover bases and are capable of heroism under fire...sometimes they don't want to face how ugly problems can really be. Like a while back, I told my (biological) 6w5 father that I thought I was going under psychologically. I expected him to rush to support me or offer to send aid; something that would help--and he recoiled in horror. He was like, Um, no. You're not going under. You wouldn't be coherent and able to ask for help if you were going under...right? RIGHT?? All better, see? Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, right? He like, totally Sevened out on me. This was incredibly depressing at the time.

7s. They can be counterphobic and wind up obsessing over their own pain to make themselves see "how bad I can make myself feel for 15 minutes." They can go into deep psychology, primal screaming, stuff like that. They can be introspective, dark, sarcastic, negative. NOT the bubbly, upbeat, hyperactive monkeys portrayed by Riso and Hudson. Yet, they still do all these things to avoid being "trapped" in pain.

8s. They can be weirdly sensitive. Like I had this friend (8w7) who got rejected from a group project (and this was in college, so they were all grown adults). It put him in a bad mood like literally all day, and he told me about it several days later, still pissed off and chagrined. I was thinking, Dude, why is this bothering you so much?? As a 4w5, this is part of my daily reality so I can sympathise, but still, this was not what I expected of him!

1s. Can be really fun and light-hearted and eager to try new things outside of their Correctness Sphere. I remember my 1w2 grandmother as being the most fun person in the family, actually. You just didn't want to mess up the house or get in her way during holidays, lol.

Maybe more later. Maybe.
 

Z Buck McFate

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I think I know what you mean and have seen it before. A very powerful example of it, actually, at my work, not long ago. But I think what others are trying to get at here is that even when a 6 is doing that, they don't see themselves as a hero. They might feel like they are playing a "heroic" role, and they might act the part of the righteous, but I've been there before and done that and I didn't feel like a hero even though I was playing one to a certain extent.

Ahhh. Okay, that makes sense.

It's a consequence of the 6's constant questioning and doubting. An average 6 can't hold a self-concept that long, I don't think, if that makes sense, so it makes us more immune to forging a certain role for ourselves. Of course no one is totally protected from that - we all create ego narratives - but 6s, both phobic and cp, spend so much time questioning themselves and their actions that it's difficult for us to harbor a sense of righteousness for very long. Even if it appears from the outside that we do. 6s are more outwardly dedicated than we ever are within... I've read somewhere that the difference between a 3 and a 6 is that they both wear masks, but the 6 consciously realizes that they do.


I half want to ask if the lack of a sense of self is the reason a CP6 in full bloom can't see him/herself as the source of the misunderstanding (as in- and not even consciously- but "the self can't be wrong because there is no self"), but the other half of me doesn't want to derail the thread further. That is interesting though. Thanks.
 
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