Types at work.

[Galena]

This thread really could go in any general personality forum and can be discussed easily with no mention of letters or numbers, but I'm going to put it in Enneagram because that is where I spend most of my time and am most interested in.

Anyway. What holds more weight in reading someone's true personality: how you are at home or in casual situations with friends and intimates, or how you carry yourself at work and/or school? Or, both or neither, especially seeing as some types develop bigger work/home life splits in their manner than others? The common meme is that you should go by how you are when you are free to let your hair down, but I'm not sure. How you face a system and choose whether and how to work within it speaks a hell of a lot about your character, IMHO (Hmm...what is the relationship between personality and character?). For instance, you could have two twin sisters who are equally outspoken and aggressive among family members, but when they go off to high school, one of them clams up and quietly follows the rules, and the other one remains a rebel wherever she goes. Something is essentially different between these two.

Of course, this raises the old question of how much behavior means.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I think both faces are me. And the older I get, the more those two faces (how I am at home and how I am at school or work) become similar.

 

[Coriolis]

Anyway. What holds more weight in reading someone's true personality: how you are at home or in casual situations with friends and intimates, or how you carry yourself at work and/or school? Or, both or neither, especially seeing as some types develop bigger work/home life splits in their manner than others? The common meme is that you should go by how you are when you are free to let your hair down, but I'm not sure. How you face a system and choose whether and how to work within it speaks a hell of a lot about your character, IMHO (Hmm...what is the relationship between personality and character?). For instance, you could have two twin sisters who are equally outspoken and aggressive among family members, but when they go off to high school, one of them clams up and quietly follows the rules, and the other one remains a rebel wherever she goes. Something is essentially different between these two.

I would say the real "you" is how you are when under the fewest constraints, whether that be at home, work, school, or elsewhere. People will adjust their behavior especially to the demands of workplaces, teachers, even parents/family. One is usually advised therefore to answer test questions as if one could do what one really wants, not what one must to satisfy a boss, get good grades, etc.

It should be noted that people of the same type can behave very differently, as with your example of sisters handling school differently. Their experiences (external influences) won't be identical: different teachers, courses, friends, even different perspectives based on all the small differences throughout their lives.

 

[Stansmith]

I feel like certain types are less likely to put on "faces", especially when they're young.

 

[Galena]

[MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION] and anyone else who is interested: What do you think determines whether a person more or less willing to contradict what they truly want or think under pressure, to act as somebody they're not (or on the milder and more mature end, just be more willing than others to adapt their presentation to their environment)?

Many things for sure. I see it as a combination of more or less of each of these general factors combined: one's inborn level of sensitivity to physical and social signals, whether they were raised to see the products of their own mind as valid, and their learned capacity to validate themselves. It may or may not factor into type, more so if the person is heavy on the inborn or earlier childhood factors. But it's hard to tell just how somebody grew more flexible or stolid unless you know them quite intimately...if anyone can, it's most likely themselves.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

personally speaking, at work i'm mostly stressed or heavy on Te, which is not my preferred function. and i have to ignore Fi. so i never feel completely myself at work, i feel like a machine-side of myself. i'm most myself when i'm relaxed, and particularly with the people that i like around me.

 

[five sounds]

personally speaking, at work i'm mostly stressed or heavy on Te, which is not my preferred function. and i have to ignore Fi. so i never feel completely myself at work, i feel like a machine-side of myself. i'm most myself when i'm relaxed, and particularly with the people that i like around me.

How do you manage that? I feel very escapist tendencies at work, and I don't think that's a healthy state for me to perpetually be in.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

How do you manage that? I feel very escapist tendencies at work, and I don't think that's a healthy state for me to perpetually be in.

yeah well, i'm not always happy.
i have temporary solutions that revolve around trying to meet new people at work and cracking jokes with co-workers, to listening to music. actually, i'm not being correct: my job is heavy on Te and Si and a bit of Ne as well.
it's really just the suppression of Fi that makes me sad sometimes. so when i get home i try to be with the people i like. if i had a particularly stressful day at work i might open a beer....i don't know.
you know what? my problem is that i didn't choose a job in the humanities, that could fit with my personality or with what i was good with (i was good at history, languages and writing). instead, i chose a job in the sciences, because i found it to be personally more challenging and also more motivating for me. this is good because i'm always learning new things at work, and i always strive to surpass my difficulties... but at the same time it's challenging and sometimes it makes me feel like i'm not good enough.
i still haven't figured out if this is my ideal job or what my goal in life is. and i have no concrete answers for you. but i guess as long as the positives surpass the negatives, i'm still in.

 

[Galena]

Ha, when I have a tough job to do that allows no escape, I go into full-speed survival mode. It's the kind of very nervous but very stern energy that enables a small mother to lift a car off her child. I don't perceive any fatigue until it's done. I may not even remember much of that day, but I can rest assured that a lot of shit got done, really fast. Rest is all I can do anyway, because my energy reserves are empty and creaking for mercy when I get home.

For temporary use only, when I absolutely must. In the long term, it's unsafe and disturbing. It feels like I'm condensing my whole brain into a simple, focused black hole when I walk in the door and until I leave, don't get the expanses back that are my home.

it's really just the suppression of Fi that makes me sad sometimes. so when i get home i try to be with the people i like.

Ew, I know. Finding a job that doesn't encourage you to do that is a trick. I have a good one now, but some former ones left me like that, too, except the person I was most eager to be with again when I got home was myself.

 

[WALMART]

I am on guard nearly 24/7 outside of my immediate circle of closest friends.

The other day my brother asked me if everyone I knew would be surprised if they saw how I am in private.

My answer: no clue.

 

[Ene]

I would say the real "you" is how you are when under the fewest constraints,

I love this answer. As soon as I read it I wondered about the real me and started asking myself, "When am I the real me?" "When am I most free?"

 

[skylights]

personally speaking, at work i'm mostly stressed or heavy on Te, which is not my preferred function. and i have to ignore Fi. so i never feel completely myself at work, i feel like a machine-side of myself. i'm most myself when i'm relaxed, and particularly with the people that i like around me.

I'm pretty Te-Si outwardly at work, too, because that's what my position demands. I rely on "quiet" Fi (until I get pissed) in all of my interactions and conduct, and I use Ne (I think typically in combination with Te) to make quick connections, good estimates, and to come up with more efficient strategies. I do have a fondness for managing but I also feel most myself when I am interacting 1-on-1 with people and letting the full NeFi force come out to play. I can't wait to be in a career where I get to use my people skills to facilitate my goals. Right now it feels like people are often the antagonists and I get pitted "against" them, and I can't wait to be on their side, since that is so much more of a natural orientation for me.

I do think I am still very "me" at work, but it would probably be easy to mistake me for an ESTJ there if you didn't know better. At work I am very efficiency-oriented and detail-aware.

I would say the real "you" is how you are when under the fewest constraints, whether that be at home, work, school, or elsewhere. People will adjust their behavior especially to the demands of workplaces, teachers, even parents/family.

Yeah, definitely. I tend to imagine people plopped in the middle of a calm, quiet, open, allergy-free, dirt-free, partly cloudy and mild-temperatured perfect open field of grass, with no worries in the world. So that given all conditions are neutral, and the overall tone is positive, what is their preference?

 

[five sounds]

Ha, when I have a tough job to do that allows no escape, I go into full-speed survival mode. It's the kind of very nervous but very stern energy that enables a small mother to lift a car off her child. I don't perceive any fatigue until it's done. I may not even remember much of that day, but I can rest assured that a lot of shit got done, really fast. Rest is all I can do anyway, because my energy reserves are empty and creaking for mercy when I get home.

For temporary use only, when I absolutely must. In the long term, it's unsafe and disturbing. It feels like I'm condensing my whole brain into a simple, focused black hole when I walk in the door and until I leave, don't get the expanses back that are my home.


Ew, I know. Finding a job that doesn't encourage you to do that is a trick. I have a good one now, but some former ones left me like that, too, except the person I was most eager to be with again when I got home was myself.

I really relate to this. I can go into hyperdrive and accomplish amazing things. I even feel in the groove and almost high from it in the moment. But long-term it really takes a toll on me. I don't know how to be at work and manage all the craziness and pump out flawless paperwork if I'm not in that mode.

I definitely think I'm me at work. I'm also pretty detached though too. It's like self-protection against getting sucked into superpower mode. I'm afraid of what it does to me.

 

[FDG]

At work, I have to tone down my natural tendency to think I am right, lest potentially causing a number of conflicts (and not getting feedback from people that might be "scared"). So, compared to what my natural personality would be, I am more mellow. Sometimes however, I can't hold it back and people are suddenly surprised / scared of me [perhaps the sx taking over the sp]. This "toning down" is however good for me, because I would otherwise alienate my colleagues.

I also have to tone down my strong extraversion because my job often requires sitting down for a long time looking at papers / writing maths / etc. - and other people are busy, I can't go there and start talking with them. That's something I don't really enjoy, but can't change that.

At home I use a lot more , I joke around more, I'm rarely serious and I don't necessarily care about using logic that much. But if you know me at work, you wouldn't really notice such a big change.

 

[five sounds]

yeah well, i'm not always happy.
i have temporary solutions that revolve around trying to meet new people at work and cracking jokes with co-workers, to listening to music. actually, i'm not being correct: my job is heavy on Te and Si and a bit of Ne as well.
it's really just the suppression of Fi that makes me sad sometimes. so when i get home i try to be with the people i like. if i had a particularly stressful day at work i might open a beer....i don't know.
you know what? my problem is that i didn't choose a job in the humanities, that could fit with my personality or with what i was good with (i was good at history, languages and writing). instead, i chose a job in the sciences, because i found it to be personally more challenging and also more motivating for me. this is good because i'm always learning new things at work, and i always strive to surpass my difficulties... but at the same time it's challenging and sometimes it makes me feel like i'm not good enough.
i still haven't figured out if this is my ideal job or what my goal in life is. and i have no concrete answers for you. but i guess as long as the positives surpass the negatives, i'm still in.

Thanks for your answer. I know what you mean about going the route of the greater challenge. I have done that in my current job, and that's often my approach to things. I just kind of throw myself in to whatever's going to stretch me, make me think, and force me to rise to the challenge. Sometimes it's great. I feel like I've achieved a lot more than I would have on my own that way, and it's empowering. But sometimes it's spirit breaking when I feel overly challenged and like I can't keep up. It's a hard line to walk, and I still don't think I regret any of the deep waters I've thrown myself into.

It sucks to have a stressful job, and there are lots of people who just do
and don't get on forums and whine about it like I'm doing, but I have to believe it takes a toll on them too. I hope you make the move to something different if your mind and body start giving you signs that its time.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Thanks for your answer. I know what you mean about going the route of the greater challenge. I have done that in my current job, and that's often my approach to things. I just kind of throw myself in to whatever's going to stretch me, make me think, and force me to rise to the challenge. Sometimes it's great. I feel like I've achieved a lot more than I would have on my own that way, and it's empowering. But sometimes it's spirit breaking when I feel overly challenged and like I can't keep up. It's a hard line to walk, and I still don't think I regret any of the deep waters I've thrown myself into.

It sucks to have a stressful job, and there are lots of people who just do
and don't get on forums and whine about it like I'm doing, but I have to believe it takes a toll on them too. I hope you make the move to something different if your mind and body start giving you signs that its time.

thanks always good to hear support or feel i'm not the only one.

 

[Galena]

Lots of Fi and Te is here. There are patterns arising depending on how far down each is in the stack or how far up...

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Ha, when I have a tough job to do that allows no escape, I go into full-speed survival mode. It's the kind of very nervous but very stern energy that enables a small mother to lift a car off her child. I don't perceive any fatigue until it's done. I may not even remember much of that day, but I can rest assured that a lot of shit got done, really fast. Rest is all I can do anyway, because my energy reserves are empty and creaking for mercy when I get home.

For temporary use only, when I absolutely must. In the long term, it's unsafe and disturbing. It feels like I'm condensing my whole brain into a simple, focused black hole when I walk in the door and until I leave, don't get the expanses back that are my home.

I can relate to this. I have this mode when external pressures to clean, make phone calls, schedule, organize things etc. becomes strong. It's like running on adrenaline, but there is a nervous energy that others feel. I'm cleaning the house because relatives are coming (which is rare), I've seen the animals go flying and running like crazy in response to my energy.

I'm usually really low-key and adapt to social and environmental factors in a passive way. I can't typically change my personality in an active way, but am like puddy in response to others. I can respond with serious focus, or silly childlike faces. When I teach music lessons, I change for each student in terms of responses and expectations. My actual personality remains relatively constant, except that I have to be more social in a work environment, but as a teacher, my role is somewhat scripted, so I can do that more easily than in social situations.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

In high school, I had that Fi-dom "mask"--I was withdrawn, cold, uninvolved, unresponsive, etc. yet at home I was more vibrant and excitable. (I don't know if it was really an Fi-dom mask, though, or my attempt to not draw attention to myself since I was made fun of rather mercilessly by my peers).

At work as an adult, it's similar. I am more like a competency type. Nose to the grindstone, finish what I start, am absolutely reliable, no-nonsense. I don't take most things personally (unless I feel incompetent anyway, or someone tells me my performance is bad)--I was known by my former boss for being unflappable, diplomatic, and always able to solve all customer problems, no matter how sticky. Not bad for someone with no social skills!

Anyway, I resent condescending descriptions of 4s who can't keep their shit together at work. I don't actually indulge in drama there, nor do I get "hurt feelings" or need to "express my emotions". I show up, I do the damn job, I go home. I may comment on the politics of the work situation, but for the most part, I'd sooner not get involved.

More intimate relations are somewhat rockier, but I'm also probably more interesting. That's where you start seeing the "triple reactive".

 

[Lady_X]

i'm the same. i mean that i have different moods and slip in and out of them based on what's going on around me but i don't have any sort of mood that my family and friends haven't seen.