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  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default I'm at a Complete Loss.

    At this point, I feel like I'm beyond the enneagram and can't help but question the validity of my type practically everyday. I'm too distant, extraordinarely damaged for no reason and trapped within myself to be a 6 at the lower ends of health, I'm too opinionated and emotionally tormented to be a 9, I haven't always been as melodramatic as a Four, I'm too lazy and clumsy to be a 3 and I'm too pessimistic and passive to be a 7. I'm an enigma and a lifelong hermit.


    1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

    I want to be happy. I want to feel fulfilled/actualized. I want to feel valuable. I want to be around amazing people and experience amazing things. Feeling some sense of connection to others while feeling uniquely acknowledged for who I am. I want to feel safe and certain.

    2. What were you like as a kid?

    I was fairly social. I would constantly be outside, even if noone else was. I would wander around my neighborhood hoping someone I recognized was around. Sometimes I'd spend hours, just wandering. Other times I'd finally find a friend and follow them wherever they went.

    I was also somewhat spoiled and demanding. I used to manipulate my mother for food, video games, etc. and would often cry and nag to get her to budge. I started to feel different from most other kids at around 12 after developing different tastes. I remember I would even come up with a new name that I felt was more fitting for me, and insisted that others, including teachers referred to me by that name.

    3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

    I used to be somewhat attached to my mother (who was the provider) and frustrated with my father. Like many children I depended on her to take me places and do things correctly for me. Once I turned 12 however, I became somewhat distant and extremely self-absorbed. I can't say I've ever shown much obvious affection to them from that point on. Most other people talk about taking their parents out and these intimate, close relationships they have with them, and I'm just confused.

    4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

    Originality, persistence, independence, poise, spontaneity.

    I want to avoid making mistakes, being boring, being unaccomplished, being rejected, being a loser, being forgettable, etc.

    5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

    I was scared of death and punishment at certain points. I remember being around 10 years old and making up a prayer that I would recite whenever I've sinned, and it became sort of an obsession. I also wondered at times what my mom would do if she found out some of the bad things I had done.

    6. a.) How do you see yourself?

    I see myself as a blank at this point. I'm self conscious, self pitying, unrealistic, self-doubting, inaffectionate, unlikeable and immature.

    b.) How do you want others to see you?


    Interesting, extraordinary, charming, affectionate, funny, a person of character and taste.

    c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?


    The ease with which they can connect with others, show affection, belong and find fulfillment.

    7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).


    a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.

    1

    b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you

    2

    c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.

    3

    8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

    Doubt, distraction, self-contempt provoked by my internal state, anxiety, and life situation.

    9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?


    When I feel loved and/or actualized. I'm at my worst when I feel alienated, mediocre, or lost

    10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:

    a.) anger: I suppress it 99% of the time, and then become practically hysterical 1% of the time.

    b.) shame: Complete self-hatred. Feeling embarassed about who I was in the past, or even a few months ago for the sake of acceptance/deviance, until it eventually becomes an embarrassment over my entire pitiful existence.

    c.) anxiety: It's a nameless dread. Sometimes it's obvious and painful, other time's it's not. Sometimes it manifests as restlessness or distractibility, while other times it manifests as complete existential terror, leading me to seek some sort of guidance outside of myself.

    11. Describe how you respond to the following:

    a.) stress: I either shut off completely, distract myself or became painfully and reluctantly focused on task

    b.) negative unexpected change: Depression and complete withdrawal. I might even miss a day or two of school when it happens. With every negative experience comes a strange sense of dejavu, as if it was just inevitable.


    c.) conflict:
    I avoid it or behave passive aggressively

    12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

    A wallflower. Sometimes I chip in enthusiastically, others times I just watch self-consciously. Other times I dominate conversation.

    b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?


    I'd see myself being maybe a bit too cooperative out of doubt that I can even handle the position.

    c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?


    I don't really care. I always feel detached from group and work dynamics, even in my extroverted moods.

    I've had people who I'd obsessively ask for guidance from (who I guess you could call authority figures), but I never feel disdain towards them, just disdain towards the tragedy and unrepairableness of my life situation. They get what they want and have the ability to enjoy whatever life brings them, I don't. I almost want them to agree with me even though they'll always say that it's okay, or relate my situation back to an experience they've had, which they were able to handle productively.

    13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?


    Can't really say.

    14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

    I trust blindly or passively. My default position is believing that there's some inherent good in others until I'm proven wrong.

    15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

    Not really. I'm agnostic and have no interest in politics.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i haven't read all that...sorry on cup 3 of my coffee and have the attention span of a gnat.

    but! a depressed 7 is bad news. i mean...really we can go as low as we can high. it's just that it doesn't usually linger so...

    what is wrong? really...what is so bad that you're dealing with right now? it can't be so bad that you have to torture yourself in this way.

    edit: okay...so it occurred to me that you likely answered that up there so i'll read.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay...you're not a 7.

    maybe 4w3??

    also...what the hell happened at 12 to make you pull away from people?

    you're someone who greatly needs to feel loved and accepted but you have built an impenetrable wall around yourself constantly pointing out the reasons that make you unlovable to assure no one will get close.

    this is your own self made prison- you're doing the self abusive 4 thing here. stop it. every time you say something negative to yourself stop and imagine what you would say to a friend who said that about them self. show yourself the love you would show to someone else.

    i know it sounds cliche but you truly do need to learn how to love yourself in order for your relationships with others to improve.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    brainheart
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    You sure seem like a 6w7 to me.

    As far as self absorption goes, that can also explained by Fi. Maybe around 12 is when your Fi became more developed. You say that's when you began to 'develop different tastes' and wanted to pick your own name. I think core sixes who are FPs often relate to four.

  5. #5
    Stansmith
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    You sure seem like a 6w7 to me.

    As far as self absorption goes, that can also explained by Fi. Maybe around 12 is when your Fi became more developed. You say that's when you began to 'develop different tastes' and wanted to pick your own name. I think core sixes who are FPs often relate to four.
    Six descriptions don't seem to capture my essence completely. There always seems to be something about me on a given day that contradicts whatever typing I have. My 6 dad and aunt always seem consistent, hokie and hard for me to relate to. They're primarily concerned with family values and have conventional, well-adjusted life narratives. They empathize with me as if they've never actually been through what I've gone through and don't seem to have much personal intellectual/emotional depth beyond the bible or television.

  6. #6
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    and hookie? omg what does that mean?

    you seem way too down on yourself to be a 6. i don't see sixes that way. anxious...fretful and full of self doubt...yeah maybe.. but you've got unhealthy 4 self loathing going on it seems.
    with the 3ish preoccupation of needing to be seen as accomplished etc
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #7
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Going off this. but even more, your blog, I'd for sure place your type in the image triad, and it's probably not a core two.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

    RLOAX (don't do it)
    Melancholic Hufflepuff
    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]

  8. #8
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    Six descriptions don't seem to capture my essence completely. There always seems to be something about me on a given day that contradicts whatever typing I have. My 6 dad and aunt always seem consistent, hokie and hard for me to relate to. They're primarily concerned with family values and have conventional, well-adjusted life narratives. They empathize with me as if they've never actually been through what I've gone through and don't seem to have much personal intellectual/emotional depth beyond the bible or television.
    I swear every NFP six says this. You are talking about SJ sixes and confusing things.

    I don't mean to belittle your confusion in any way. It's a problematic thing about the six descriptions, for sure.

    Four descriptions run NF. Six descriptions run SJ. Seven descriptions run ENFP and SP. Five descriptions run NT. That's the crappy thing about type descriptions. No type description is going to capture you completely, especially when it's a type description that operates on stereotypes.

    Sixes are full of contradictions, though. It's their thing, so you might want to keep that in mind. This is especially evident in NFP sixes. I think it has to do with introverted feeling wanting to do its own thing vs the six drive for loyalty/ compliance, so it creates a lot of vacillation. Also, the SJ values of tradition and security which are often emphasized in six descriptions... no ENFP is going to relate to it.

    But I obviously don't know you well, these are merely my observations about what happens with NFPs and six. They all seem to go through this pattern of self-typing.

    Oh, and @Lady X, my ESFP 6w7 husband, when down on himself, expresses more self-loathing than I ever do. My self loathing stays more internal- his comes out to share with everyone. Sixes tend to be more externally reactive in that way, because they really need that support from others to make them feel better.


    Also, I would like to add that the fact you go through this on a daily basis really lends itself to six. Fours with a six head type will go through this sort of freak out from time to time (speaking from personal experience and that of four friends with six head types), but for the most part they're sure about who they are.

    I think how you have your typing sounds pretty much right, although it's possible you have a 1 gut. I think 146 tritype goes through the circular typing issues the most, because they want to get it absolutely right. Nine guts are more 'whatevs' about it.

  9. #9
    Stansmith
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    @brainheart

    So core 4s are the type who would never even consider seeing a therapist?

    And strangely enough, I barely questioned my self typing until I actually read a six description.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    "I'm too distant, extraordinarely damaged for no reason"

    Type 4, obviously.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

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