On the bright (?) side... no one gets away unscathed, which is why we all have an enneatype, so even 6s shouldn't feel too bad! Some people get lucky and their enneatype causes them less trouble, but everyone comes face-to-face with it at some point in their life. It may even be better to struggle with it earlier than later, because at least then you are aware of it sooner.
Seems like the OP is very focused on how the other types are perceived to be... not so much on how they are internally. [...] I'm wondering why it matters, who has it worse. Or how this could possibly be generalizable by type, even when narrowing the examples to people of average health.
Yes, this was my first thought, too. I'm not sure it's really possible to create a generalized hierarchy of subjective experience. I figured the main purpose of the levels of health is that any two people of different enneatypes at the same level of health would be faring about the same in terms of self-actualization and overall life satisfaction, though perhaps not moment-to-moment happiness. I do realize the positive outlook types (2, 7, 9) may moment-to-moment feel pretty good, but they may be experiencing overall existential despair just like any of us.
[MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION], I remember reading at some point that 6s tend to have an "amnesia of success" - I guess because we don't trust ourselves, we tend to forget how good we can be, and we chronically underestimate ourselves. I think the perception that our personal type is the worst type (or that there is a "worst type") to be might partially fall under that - tending to block out your successes and focus on your trouble spots, and seeing yourself as less than others.
The consensus seems to be that 4s have it the hardest but honestly, being a 4 seems like a piece of cake from my perspective. Being a phobic NF 6 is hell; you don't know what you want, you're plain, you're boring, a coward, you feel ugly, everything scares you, you feel like you're on a one-way trip to oblivion every consecutive day. You go through a mid-life crisis by the time you reach puberty. Unlike 4s, we don't like feeling this way. We don't make classic indie albums or pretty art house films out of our suffering, we fear it and don't know what to do with it.
Of course, all types can be insecure and indecisive, but for 6s, that's what average level looks like. Every other type at average level is either likeable, interesting or feels good about themselves (even if it's detrimental), whereas average 6s are just passive-aggressive neurotic plain janes who life life in fear 24/7 [...]
There's literally no positive twist you can give to being an average-level phobic NF 6, we pretty much have to be at extremely healthy levels to enjoy our lives and stand out as people. We're the guys rappers are reffering to when they talk about "b-tch n-ggas". Being an NT or SJ 6 is probably alright in comparison. I'm sure some people "like" us, but we're too insecure to even see that or accept it for what it is (the same goes for any positive trait or talent that we may have), and that's why I say it's a sh-tty existence.
I respectfully disagree.
From my personal perspective, there are many things I appreciate about our personality combination. Of course it is hard, sometimes. I certainly am indecisive and probably experienced my first midlife crisis around age 6, but I feel attractive at least energy-wise if not physically. I don't really care if others find me interesting, though I do want them to like me. And I have my downs, but I like my self and my life.
On the positive side:
I feel than an NFP 6 will do well at being mindful of themself and their values. We generally will act responsibly and be respectful of, if not helpful to, others.
I feel that an NFP 6 will have a rare gift of connection with the average person, and an ability to draw people out of themselves. Personally I have often gotten the positive feedback that people feel more in touch with themselves after interacting with me. I feel like I can get in touch with someone's "inner self" and be encouraging of it without pushing myself on them, and I try to make all individual voices heard in a crowd.
I feel than an NFP 6 will be head-in-the-clouds like most of our NFP brethren, but we will probably also have more of a practical side, and take pretty good care of our life security. Personally I feel like I've set myself up pretty well in education, work, legal, relationship, family, housing, personal possessions, health, and so on.
I like how NF lets me have my big dreams but 6 keeps my feet on the ground. I feel like I live in a world imbued with magic, but I'm not one to shy away from work, either. I can be happy with a "normal" job where I'm directly helping others and then coming home to my boyfriend and family at night... I think my "average" life is beautiful and meaningful and precious and FUN... I don't experience despair for the mundane. I rejoice in the little things and it makes my heart swell to feel connected with the world.
The thing about 6s is that double focus on the Systemic dimension.
It makes us very concerned about a Higher Order: truth, justice, etc.
So, when we are on, I think we feel a certain connection to/channeling of that Higher Order.
Which would jibe well with the idea that our Holy Virtue is Courage/Faith and our Vice Cowardice/Lack of Faith.
Yes! I forgot about this. It explains a lot about why 6s are often stereotyped as "company men", doesn't it? That one always seemed baffling to me but I understand it in this light, because of the gravitation towards/obsession with hierarchy and systems. But it also gives us some very unique gifts... like you said, courage/faith when we are not struggling against ourselves. We can move forwards with a sense of systemic rightness and we have a particular knack for understanding how to use systems in the way they are meant to be used - a knack for understanding and optimizing the synergy that is the point of them. When the system is working correctly, everything falls in place. We know this and we seek this. But it's like the real System - the true Higher Order - is not present already... the existing ones are lacking, trapped in time and place, and disconnected - so we have to forge it in our daily lives, flow it, create it. And 6s
can do this because we are the ones most attuned to the trouble spots that prevent flow... we are least likely to get tripped up by them. But we can't get too caught up in it - we have to keep moving. We can't obsess over our personal ability or we lose the flow and the confidence, and everything breaks down.
That is all probably very NF-tinged.
Also, as @
Rasofy said, 9's are pretty bad at articulating their needs to others, which can make relationships on all levels difficult.
Yeah. But there is also something about 9s that is so soothing to me. They are somewhat disconnected from what I struggle to pull myself away from. It's lovely to be around.
It is fucking tiresome to non-stop have to prove your loyalty - but I wager it must be even more tiresome to nonstop have to run that calculation coz you re triggered by your insecurities.
It is. It really helps for others to understand that it has absolutely nothing to do with
them and everything to do with the 6's ability to trust their own personal judgment. So if someone's 6 SO is "questioning" them... it's not really questioning that person's loyalty as much as it is questioning the 6's own decision to trust that person. Which is still relatively shitty, but it's less shitty, at least.
My boyfriend has taken to just telling me to cut it out. The funny thing is there's some kind of comfort to the submission that comes along with just agreeing to it. Like not having to fight it anymore. There's this Rumi quote -
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It's like that. 6s have to
stop worrying.
While all the other types form cliques in highschool, the loner 3w4s just swoop in and steal everyone's girlfriends when they're not studying for exams or prepping for an NBC internship.
Yeah. 3w4s have a way of seeming perfecter-than-perfect that is very hard to stand.
Oh man 3s have it hard too but they keep the shit inside. [...] sometimes never really fully appreciating their accomplishments... that's why many are insecure attention whores) but at same time, resentment builds if there's no real passion [...] Being driven by external validation and standards can fuck with one's mind if you're not careful though.
Yeah... I was really jealous of this 3w4 because it seemed like she always came out on top for everything... until we became good friends. Then I learned her demons. She's really kind of insecure in some ways... she's still trying to prove herself to her parents who aren't emotionally supportive people. They had a nasty divorce and still argue about who should pay for what for the kids, and sometimes use the kids as pawns in their fighting. It was sad to realize that so many of her accomplishments didn't essentially matter because the people she was ultimately looking to validation for weren't responding - her mom is a go-go-go 7, I think, and her dad is a hyperindependent introvert, and they're both fairly absorbed in their personal lives. It's funny because 6s (and probably other enneatypes) look at all those accomplishments and think about how happy they would be if they could accomplish all that. But we don't understand... that for a 3, the accomplishments don't make them feel like they'd make us feel. It can be empty for them. She is very talented at many things, academically successful, a leader, very well groomed, dresses stylishly, makes plenty of money, has a promising career, and comes from an affluent family, but inside she's kind of lonely and always pushing herself towards the next thing. It's like Midas dying of hunger...
Lesson being that there's no reason to be jealous of other types, really. If you're not messed up in one place, you're messed up in another.
Better to all help one another struggle through our challenges and pain
