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  1. #291
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    I see. Soul-surrendering doesn't sound like an activity this 5 could get into in a big way.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #292
    Stansmith
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    6 is still the most embarassing type you can be. Watch any KKK, neo-nazi, or anti-Gay rally in 2013, and you'll see that 90% of the members are brain dead SJ and SP 6s.


  3. #293
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Placeholder...
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  4. #294
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    @Stansmith the reason why I truly don't think it's that bad of an enneagram...in all honesty...is cause we get to grow via the most contrast in our life

    Now someone could replace the word "contrast" with suffering...if you choose to do so then that's ur opinion.

    What I mean is, that a lot of other types...are not thinking about the same things as we are.

    They just aren't

    That's why it's always to hard to relate to others.

    They're thinking of what dress to wear and I'm thinking about death.

    I don't look at this as a curse. It's a gift.

    I'm going to have no troubles one day because I'm so overly concerned about getting rid of troubles..

    I'm going to get the point that master oogway is at in the movie Kung Fu Panda. Where trouble doesn't even phase him. (I love him)

    That's the awesome part about being a 6.

    We get to REALLY grow...and know the truths of the universe from going through all the "suffering"/contrast we go through.

    A 4 is like...never gonna feel like enough is enough...at least not what I've seen....They are always going to be soul searching...it's just ingrained in them.

    Where I found my soul at a very early age.

    I dunno about other types...maybe 7's will have it hard to do that too if they never deal with issues and just continue to sweep them under a rug.

    You get my gist?
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  5. #295
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    So, 5s, how does someone who loves a 5 reach out to them and make it across that distance still being able to keep their own priorities somewhat?

    My dad - he's either 6/5 or 5/6, very much in the middle - once shared in the middle of a painful family breakdown that he does feel lonely and isolated sometimes, but the difficulty is that he's rarely willing to reach out to us on our terms. He's an INTP, sp/sx, and had a somewhat painful childhood. I love and respect him and want to make him happy, but at the same time, he's kind of hard to get along with. He's very obsessive and picky in some ways, and he's not very willing to participate unless things are the way he likes them.
    My dad is INTP 5w6 sp/so (I think) and he is pretty much the same way. He kinda does his own thing most of the time, and whether we join him or not is up to us. If we want to watch a movie and he happens to want to watch a different one -- he would just go to a different room to watch his movie.

    But, he loves us, and I can see that he tries to please. He'd come in to the room just to give us a hug once in a while. We connect the most through intellectual discussions and joking/sparring, and I think that is good enough for me.

    My mom is a very sweet, ever-caring ISFJ, who is happy to take on whatever interest he has, so it works out fine that way. She is also quite independent and does not require a lot of attention. They are like best friends.

    With us, I think my sister and I have learned that whining works. We'll keep on whining nicely about things and eventually he will give in.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #296
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    So, 5s, how does someone who loves a 5 reach out to them and make it across that distance still being able to keep their own priorities somewhat?

    My dad - he's either 6/5 or 5/6, very much in the middle - once shared in the middle of a painful family breakdown that he does feel lonely and isolated sometimes, but the difficulty is that he's rarely willing to reach out to us on our terms. ...
    Any tips?
    You ask how *you* can reach out, but complain that *he* isn't doing so.
    I'm not really sure what you're asking...

    ETA. He sounds kinda autistic. Not all 5s behave this way.
    Personally, I'm very much in tune with the comfort levels of other people and will be accommodating. Most of the time, their way of being comfortable is not my way of being comfortable, which means social occasions generally require a fair amount of self-sacrifice on my part. Which is a drag.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #297
    WALMART
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    6 is still the most embarassing type you can be. Watch any KKK, neo-nazi, or anti-Gay rally in 2013, and you'll see that 90% of the members are brain dead SJ and SP 6s.
    NJ's are the highest statistical probability, to participate in those types of events and ideological structures.

    It's science.

  8. #298
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I am also extremely, extremely drained by reactive people as well, but it seems to manifest in me as an impatient, silent rage. Emotive, reactive people I feel are so not contained it can sometimes make me very agitated a weird way that’s difficult for me to explain. I almost feel burdened and responsible for their states, and feel either they or I need to control it. Again, it’s a projection of my needs to be contained and not a burden that I unconsciously expect others to have that same need.
    Evidence that 5s are not in the least detached, really... They merely aspire to be. In fact, they are highly sensitive (and reactive) to the emotions and energy of others.
    A genuinely detached person would not find another person's emotional outburst in any way perturbing.

    I think @Seymour said something about 5s being territorial and having well-defended boundaries... If anything, they are territorial because they are acutely aware of how porous those boundaries are.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #299
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    You ask how *you* can reach out, but complain that *he* isn't doing so.
    I'm not really sure what you're asking...
    He's voiced that he enjoys interaction, and that he would like more of it; however, he has fairly specific tastes for his surrounding and activities, which can be hard for the rest of us to find and enjoy. He thinks in a way that is pretty different from me, so I was hoping 5s might have some insight into his POV. The replies I've gotten so far have been useful in understanding the way he may be thinking, and how to better communicate with him.

    ETA. He sounds kinda autistic. Not all 5s behave this way.
    Personally, I'm very much in tune with the comfort levels of other people and will be accommodating. Most of the time, their way of being comfortable is not my way of being comfortable, which means social occasions generally require a fair amount of self-sacrifice on my part. Which is a drag.

    Well, right, I realize that - and like I said, I used to think he was a 6, but this thread has given some really specific examples that make me think he's more 5/6 than 6/5. He has a heavy dose of anxiety and a few obsessive-compulsive traits in either case. But most of the time he's quite agreeable, and he has some Fe-sense of appropriateness. The problem is, as you've voiced, his way of feeling comfortable is not often others' way of feeling comfortable, so the challenge is to find overlap.

    My goal is to find more mutual ground that him and the family (just my mom, brother, and I) can both be comfortable on. I would like to be able for us to all spend time together without it being very draining on anyone. So far I have found going out to dinner is the easiest territory, and we all love going to the beach, but I would ideally like to add more situations to that repertoire as well.

  10. #300
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I apologize for the multiple posts in a row - my internet hasn't been working very well lately so I've been taking what I can get in terms of pages loading.

    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    One big upset I had early on with my partner was when I missed the last shuttle bus back from work when working on a work crisis. It was around 7:30, so I called my partner and ask if he wouldn't mind coming to get me (perhaps a 20-30 minute round trip, since traffic had died down by then). I was shocked when he reacted like I'd asked him to climb Mt Everest. I felt very hurt at the time.

    For me, it would not have been a bit deal at all. For him, it was a major imposition.

    Of course, now I can use that difference to my advantage... such as when I offer go to a nearby store to fetch the ingredient he forgot to pick up earlier. Then he's incredibly grateful about something that is no biggie to me.
    Ah, yes, that is a good way too look at it. I think that is a big reason my parents get along, actually. What's hard for him is generally easy for her (groceries, taking care of kids, doing the day-to-day finances), and what's hard for her is often easy for him (big purchases, stocks, car and home maintenance/repair).

    Glad that was a little helpful, perhaps. I do understand that sense of distance, too. I feel like I'm always figuring out and prepping to take action (to enter reality), but I rarely do. Part of it is fear of being seen and found inadequate (or, with 4-ish issues mixed in, unlovable/unacceptable).
    Yeah, that sounds hard. I can somewhat understand that challenge, as a 6. I'm always making plans and often by the time things have happened, those plans are completely moot because everything's changed. It's hard to just trust that the situation is going to be fine.

    I have a hard time imagining being with a 2, since they tend to raise my hackles right away. The "giving to get" I find problematic, because I (5-ishly) actively avoid being obligated or indebted to others. I've heard that 5+2 couples are not that uncommon, but I find it difficult to see how it would work. (On the other hand, it would be convenient to have someone about who was more practical about attending to things.)
    I think for my parents it works because he has a certain amount of Fe and she's really very ESxJ - she's an ESFJ, for sure, but she's so J that she tests ESTJ. I believe they're also both sp-first - him, sp/sx and her sp/so. She's pretty "pure" in terms of 2 giving-to-get - she enjoys giving and she wants love and harmony in return - she's doesn't seek money or status, or even attention. She also is the classic w1 "good girl", which makes her diligent - she's very self-sufficient, and just desires a happy, harmonious family. And then Dad is very conflict-avoidant, so that goes along well with her desire for harmony. They have a symbiotic sort of relationship. They're both practical, conflict-averse, generous, stable, academic, and protective. Neither is particularly ooey-gooey emotionally. They almost never go on dates with just each other and rarely are kissy. It's very much a "working partners" sort of thing, and it's a little strange to me (being the ooey-gooey type myself), but it's always seemed to work well for them.

    My therapist (who at points has suggested I should be a therapist) agrees that being a bit 5-ish (a bit schizoid) is helpful for a therapist, because it helps prevent the therapist from getting swept up into the emotional state of the client. 5s are territorial and have boundaries, so have an easier time separating out their emotional state from that of the client.
    That makes a lot of sense. It's one of the main reasons I shy away from therapy, too - I have a very hard time removing myself from others' emotions. My dad seems to be able to sympathize and keep distance at the same time, which is really impressive to me. Though I know he cares about all the people he sees, and from time to time does have a session that affects him particularly strongly, it's rare for him to come home still carrying the weight of client issues.


    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    My dad is INTP 5w6 sp/so (I think) and he is pretty much the same way. He kinda does his own thing most of the time, and whether we join him or not is up to us. If we want to watch a movie and he happens to want to watch a different one -- he would just go to a different room to watch his movie.

    But, he loves us, and I can see that he tries to please. He'd come in to the room just to give us a hug once in a while. We connect the most through intellectual discussions and joking/sparring, and I think that is good enough for me.
    Yeah, exactly. That's cute that he'll come and hug you guys!

    My mom is a very sweet, ever-caring ISFJ, who is happy to take on whatever interest he has, so it works out fine that way. She is also quite independent and does not require a lot of attention. They are like best friends.
    Aww That's sweet. That's how my mom is too - very independent and not requiring a lot of attention.

    With us, I think my sister and I have learned that whining works. We'll keep on whining nicely about things and eventually he will give in.
    I should try that.

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