I suppose that's the big difference between you, Southern Kross, and I. It isn't as subtle compared to the way you both described it. Envy has always been glaringly obvious to me. I don't like to admit it, but I can't deny it either. What you mentioned of how envy plays out is not unfamiliar though. I saw envy in myself in the way I reacted towards certain situations, in my inability to appreciate, to feel a sense of genuine joy for others successes/happiness. Seeing this in others, makes the void in me more glaring. I don't sabotage others, as I see that being more sx-first, perhaps indicative of a core ID driven/assertive type. But admittedly at some level deep within my person, I secretly wanted others to fall flat on their faces, to have the world crumble on them, and that makes me less lonely, happy even. It doesn't feel particularly good to admit as it's a petty and unglamorous attitude. Above all, I think the description on the R&H site, the Enneagram Institute I believe, is reflective of my attitude. There's an excerpt there...I still wonder how much some 4s go into envy denial, because I certainly have done that. I have not been conscious of any envy stirred by real people at times, not connecting bouts of sadness or a sense of inferiority as an outsider looking in with ENVY. I still consciously experience envy more at an idea of other people than specific people. But I have identified in retrospect when real people have triggered envy, but they often just get absorbed into some general idea of reality than focused on specifically. It's more like PROOF that my negative view is real.
And this...Originally Posted by Enneagram Institute
It's the hostility that I was referring to.Originally Posted by Enneagram Institute