I can't figure out if I am a Two or Four.
If you are a Two, how did you find out or how did you know? Did you first think you were a Four, maybe especially if you are an NF type? If you are a Four, or I guess Two for that matter, do you relate to these struggles?
When I am healthy, I feel like I can be happily generous and not want anything in return other than to have a nice interconnection with the outside world. When I am unhealthy I find myself withdrawn, sad, reading too much stuff online, but I probably do that a little when I'm content too, and maybe in a quiet type of way doing things for attention, like maybe being more aggressive in making a friend (not in good ways), getting a guy's attention, rather than letting him come to me or attract him in. When I am healthy though, I get quite ashamed of this behavior, possibly even a little neurotic at times, beating myself up over how I perceive myself (maybe this is more of an inbetween stage), and when I'm really healthy I see myself feel good about alluring or charming someone, rather than making myself available, although at the same time I'll be understanding, accepting, and generous if it's somebody I really like.
One reason why I am unsure is because sometimes I'll look at a photo of myself and depending on how I am beating myself up or liking myself will be how I percieve myself. Today I looked at myself online and I was in this self-conscious mood and I immediately thought, "look how desperate I look for attention, look how boring I am, I have no REAL character, I must be a Two." And I wonder, don't Fours and Twos struggle with identity? Fours because of their emotions, and Twos because they get caught up in meeting other people's demands over their own? I also don't feel like I have ever been that good at sacraficing my needs for someone else. Only when mine are completely met, will I even consider offering. I don't ever offer people a hand if they are moving, I wouldn't dare babysit someone else's kids for free unless it is my turn or they just really need the help. I really don't like putting my emotions, mood, cognitive energy, or anything to the side unless I have to or, actually when I'm healthy, usually only coming from feeling like I am in a good uplifting loving relationship, which has only been a few times in my life, or maybe having extremely caring and uplifting friends could do it. It's amazing what the other half can do for me. I have sooo much more potential if I am being lifted up by the right person.
I just really want to know because I recently got dumped and just when I think I understand who I am and this guy doesn't matter, somehow his insults start to eat at my identity and I start questioning who I am and maybe I was just born to be these bad things that I am perceiving in myself. Maybe I am terribly ashamed of these Two qualities because that is the weak side of Four, where a regular Two does not perceive these qualities as mortifyingly humilating.
Here's another helpful clue, I think. After somebody treating you like complete trash, despite being so in love on both ends, (yes I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it's an unhealthy 8 were talking about) would it be more common for a Two or Four to go nuts on his ass? Yes, I went nuts, and no shame. He needed a good tearing up. I didn't do it right away, I gave him a good six months to get his head straight, but he started flirting with girls online in front of me, probably some on purpose, which I had a serious problem with.