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  1. #1
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    Default General symptoms of an unhealthy person?

    Edit:

    What are the signs a personality is healthy? Assuming you meet someone for the first time and you want to find out if they're emotionally healthy or not without any knowledge of enneagram, how do you tell?
    Last edited by Azure Flame; 03-14-2013 at 03:35 PM. Reason: unclear what my question was

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I'm trying to derive red flags per enneagram so I can immediately judge the person as someone who would drag me down with them, a common problem in my life.

    For example: I've always percieved E4's as intensely emotional, and for this reason they are fun. But I'm also starting to think that, despite how fun this may be, these emotions are caused at root by a serious problem that isn't completely understandable to me. Does that make sense? Am I right to recognize these "fantasy feelings" as a big red flag in E4's? Am I right to recognize other over exaggerations in personality behavior as unhealthy?
    I don't think that E4s' intense emotions are "caused at root by a serious problem." If an unusually sensitive person doesn't know how or isn't able to take care of themselves emotionally, then it becomes a serious problem. But not all highly emotional people are unstable; it just depends on how mature they are.

    I don't understand what you're looking for. Are you trying to figure out which traits and behaviors imply unhealthiness? If a person is in the grip of neurosis, it seems like you'd be able to come to that conclusion independently of Enneagram. As much as I like the system, I don't see it as a shortcut to navigating something as huge as "finding a soul mate." Of course it can be used as a guide, but there's no way to immediately judge whether you'll connect with a person based on Enneagram knowledge.

    Anyway, I hope everything goes well for you.

  3. #3
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    @decrescendo

    Actually, I have difficulty understanding if someone is being neurotic or not because there are a lot of fucked up people in my life and I have no one to look up to as a role model outside of myself. I suppose I'd like to know the easiest way to tell if someone is healthy or not as soon as possible before my emotions get tangled up in them. I'm tired of attracting women who's lives are a complete mess without realizing it.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    @decrescendo

    Actually, I have difficulty understanding if someone is being neurotic or not because there are a lot of fucked up people in my life and I have no one to look up to as a role model outside of myself. I suppose I'd like to know the easiest way to tell if someone is healthy or not as soon as possible before my emotions get tangled up in them. I'm tired of picking up women who's lives are a complete mess.
    I'm sorry, your questions make more sense now. I'm guessing you've already seen this, but there's some good information about health levels here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    I'm sorry, your questions make more sense now. I'm guessing you've already seen this, but there's some good information about health levels here.
    In hindsight it seemed rather dumb of me to create the thread. Thank you! Yes, I scrolled down to E4 health level 6 and it says "Lives in a fantasy land."

    Boom, that's what I was looking for. Its odd, I very much enjoy their fantasy lands, but I didn't realize they were unhealthy. Only after repeated experience did I start to realize it was true. I always felt E4's just love living in a fantasy land and I wanted to join them! haha.

    I suppose my real question is quite abstract. As a 9 wing and a socionics irrational type, I often times percieve things others do not and judge things based on vibes and essenses I get from others. I'm trying to determine what sort of energy to look for when meeting someone healthy. I suspect happiness is a big part. Are there any overall general factors that would mark someone as an emotionally healthy person? No drama in their life? No complaining? etc.

    What are some key signals that someone is actually healthy? I was going to say "no negativity" but I also feel as if certain personalities are negative in a healthy sense, like 1's and 6's.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    As a 9 wing and a socionics irrational type, I often times percieve things others do not and judge things based on vibes and essenses I get from others.
    Dude. Me too. I've really had to work on making sure that I'm on the same page as anyone listening to me, because otherwise I would be totally incoherent.

    I don't know, I think healthy E4s have fantasy lands as well, it's just that they're not dependent on them and are more likely to put this imaginative streak to productive use.

  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I think religion has a good paradigm for telling if someone is basically healthy.

    They have good fruit in their lives.

    Matthew 7:17

    Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.
    Also, God graces those who follow him and live in His spirit with good fruit.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    I think religion has a good paradigm for telling if someone is basically healthy.

    They have good fruit in their lives.

    Matthew 7:17



    Also, God graces those who follow him and live in His spirit with good fruit.
    I should kiss you.

  9. #9
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I should kiss you.
    That sounds very generous of you. Thank you.

    How come?
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    That sounds very generous of you. Thank you.

    How come?
    It just makes sense. Unhealthy people have bad things happen to them.

    I've never gotten in trouble with the law, or anything really. Always been a rule follower (but not a respectful rule follower, lol). Nothing bad has happened in my life. I have told multiple people how nothing bad has happened because I choose to make it that way. They'll sit there and try to convince me that life sucks and my life will eventually fall apart too "just you wait". My ex used to tell me, "don't worry, something will happen to you too eventually." Just, negative fucking people all throughout my life. Its so difficult to find people who have their shit together who believe they're in control of their own destiny.

    Then I think about all my best friends. Nothing bad has happened to them either. They make good grades, they're successful, they're happy, they don't drink or use drugs constantly to have fun. Its something of a rarity for me to find these people.

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