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  1. #41
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    It can be hard to accurately type family members. Fathers are often default-typed as 6s or 8s, mothers as 2s. Unless you feel you can separate the person from their role in your life (which can be really hard to do), don't attempt it.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

  2. #42
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    ISTJ Dad: 5w6 sp/sx (5w6 - 1w9 - 3w4)
    ENFJ Mom: 2w3 sx/so (2w3 - 8w9 - 6w7)

    They make an interesting couple.

    ESFP Grandpa: 3w2 so/sx (3w2 - 7w6 - 9w1)
    ISFJ Grandma: 2w1 sp/sx (2w1 - 9w8 - 6w7)

    I admire and miss my grandma so much.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  3. #43
    Member PrettyWoman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flatlander View Post
    The question is, though, how in-control of your own survival strategy are you as a child? Does every child have the observational prowess required to say "My parents are X, I will grow up to be Y because I don't want to be X"? And actually enact that strategy, willfully? I didn't think I was deciding to be like anyone when I was a kid. I didn't realize that I was even deciding anything outwardly, especially in a Judging sense - I wasn't aware of much outside my own mind. Others may be more aware of the world outside them and define themselves more consciously in regard to it.

    That being said, there is no "better" survival strategy here regarding how nurture impacts you as a child, except what you can see from retrospect through a more grown-up, rational mind. People will be drawn to adapt to family in different ways - perhaps you saw something in your situation that made it advantageous for you to fill in a gap with your personality, but now you take that experience and generalize it where it isn't completely generalizable. For me, at first, I wasn't thinking about my father's strategy consciously, though he had some pointers later on that helped me develop the 9 fix - it just seemed advantageous to become secretive and not let my parents in on my world, and my strategy proved workable - I defended myself from intrusion later into life, escaped being a familial automaton, and I still have capability they will never know about unless they press me.
    Of course it doesn't have to be a conscious choice. I don't know if it even could be. Many choices people do are not very conscious and they're still pretty reasonable choices in that context. The question is intriguing and a difficult one to study since those things happen very early and not necessarily consciously at all.

    I simply assume that it is not likely to choose the same strategy than the parent has. It doesn't seem wise to stick with just one approach. Wiser would be choosing something else to broaden the approach on the whole. One is not an island but part of something and when survival strategy is firstly an individual thing it would be plainly stupid if it wasn't also to increase the chances of survival of the organization that particular individual belongs to.


    I'm definite that the development of personality and, when it comes to Enneagram, choosing your main survival strategies, are affected by both genetics and environment. Genetics give the frame and foundation and environment works with what is left. I assume that Enneagram type is chosen among options that allow that particular genetic disposition to become a survival strategy.
    Johari Nohari

    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Big Five: Inquisitive
    Brain Lateralization: Right brain
    Friends: Phoebe
    MOTIV: Offbeat
    MTG Color: Red/Blue
    Multiple intelligences: Linguistic > Mathematical > Kinesthetic...
    My Little Pony: Rainbow Dash
    Oldham style: Mercurial > Idiosyncratic...
    R-Drive: Dynamism > Vitality > Hedonism...
    Temperaments: Sanguine
    Trifix: 7w6, 2w3, 8w7
    VisualDNA: Seeker

  4. #44
    Fair and Square Flatlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyWoman View Post
    Of course it doesn't have to be a conscious choice. I don't know if it even could be. Many choices people do are not very conscious and they're still pretty reasonable choices in that context. The question is intriguing and a difficult one to study since those things happen very early and not necessarily consciously at all.

    I simply assume that it is not likely to choose the same strategy than the parent has. It doesn't seem wise to stick with just one approach. Wiser would be choosing something else to broaden the approach on the whole.
    It's problematic to attribute children's choices to wisdom in the first place, though. Nature might have wisdom in forcing people into a pattern like this, but it can only go so far - children themselves are fairly volitional, capable of making inner/personal choices, and yet they don't have the wisdom to choose that much in this way. Can you imagine a 5 year old saying to themself, "My mother's got this specific set of survival strategies, I see through their lifetime of errors, and so I will choose to value and do something entirely different." ? The 5 year old may be able to see some rudiment of how their parent is and be able to choose something differently, but at the same time they are forced to model their parents for many other things because of the lack of awareness of these factors. Later on in life the child will start to differentiate more clearly from their parents, but at that age there's no way they can choose at such a significant depth as motivation, so theoretically the Enneagram core has already been ingrained.

    One is not an island but part of something and when survival strategy is firstly an individual thing it would be plainly stupid if it wasn't also to increase the chances of survival of the organization that particular individual belongs to.
    Again, rational strategy. Not something most children are prone to. Did I have any idea that I was part of something as a younger child, when my type was forming? ...not much, not really...

    I'm definite that the development of personality and, when it comes to Enneagram, choosing your main survival strategies, are affected by both genetics and environment. Genetics give the frame and foundation and environment works with what is left. I assume that Enneagram type is chosen among options that allow that particular genetic disposition to become a survival strategy.
    Have you studied the Enneagram much? I don't think you're wrong, but I wonder if you aren't missing part of the point of the system. If you were to think about it this way, why bother systemizing it into the Enneagram system? Why bother typing and what would be the worth of learning this if not to work on yourself and understand not just other people, but what your own defenses are, to go for self-improvement and try to reconnect with yourself?
    Thinking must serve the thinker.

  5. #45
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    The question I've been wondering lately, is this: Does having parents or siblings of certain types color your core type in a slightly different way that others who share it? For example, having a very strong 8w7 as a Father, and a 6w7 as an older brother has made me a tougher-skinned 4w5 with a highly developed sense of "honor". I've noticed it as almost a familial quality, as my brother, Dad and Mom share it. My e2 Mom has made me a more loving 4w5 (something I only admit begrudgingly at times) and has probably contributed to the fact that I'm INFJ-- something I resisted at first. There are also negative traits I've gleaned from my family members that tint my type differently. From my Dad, a hard edge and an indifference to people that aren't of specific interest to me. I've had to really work on that.

    Maybe these things just describe how I became a four, but I think my family member's types also somewhat shaped the type of e4 I am.

    So have your family member's types flavored your core type in a certain way?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    It can be hard to accurately type family members. Fathers are often default-typed as 6s or 8s, mothers as 2s. Unless you feel you can separate the person from their role in your life (which can be really hard to do), don't attempt it.
    Agreed, I wondered about this when I first suspected my Mom was a 2 and my Dad was an 8. My Dad was a bit easier because I literally know no one like him, even the other 8's I know aren't quite as intense, direct or formidable as he is (also obnoxious, but we won't get into that ). Also my being a 4 made identifying him as an 8 easier, as we can be pretty volatile in a specific way when together. My Mom (after lots of reading on my part, and her own introspection/test taking) is in truth, a 2. I think you are right in saying Mom's and Dad's are mis-typed as these stereotypical types though. But in truth, even as a mother someday I doubt if anyone would ever mistake me as a 2.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  6. #46
    Member Nymphie's Avatar
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    Mom: 1w2
    Dad: 6w7
    Brother: 2w3
    Brother: 8w9
    Brother: 7w6
    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1076083/platypus-o.gif
    7w6-4w5-9w1 sx/sp ISFP

    Chaotic neutral~Accidental Slytherin
    Fi~Se~Ni~Te~Ne~Ti~Fe~Si


    ♪ "I'm like a bird, I shit on people's cars." ~ John Oliver

  7. #47
    Stansmith
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    Mom: 9w1-2w3-7w6 Sp/So
    Dad: 6w5-2w3-1w9 Sp/So
    Me: 6w7-3w4-9w1 So/Sx

  8. #48
    brainheart
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    Dad 1w9 ISTJ sp/so
    Mom 1w2 so/sx ESTJ?
    Sis 9w8 so/sx ESFP
    Bro 9w1 ENFP?
    Bro ENTX so/sp 3 or 7?
    Sis 6w7 ESFJ sp
    Bro 5w6 INTJ sp/sx
    Me 4 INFP sx/sp


    To answer your later question, @small.wonder, there is a lot of social instinct in my family and I think it makes me more socially aware than I would be otherwise. Also, having both parents being ones I grew up in a very one-oriented household. And the thinker thing... very rational. This is why I'm no longer 100% on my five wing. I could see a four with a 3 wing in such an environment behaving more five-ish.

  9. #49
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    @brainheart Interesting, thanks for sharing your take on that (as I do think it plays a role). It's funny, I actually wrote the above post before I ever really understood or looked closely at tritype, which I believe illustrates at least some of the characteristics I mentioned gaining from my family culture.

    Regarding your wing questioning: I can see your point, but don't you also think those environmental factors might just have played a part in how you developed a 5 wing?
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  10. #50
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I have the hardest time typing their instinctual variant stackings... those are sort of guesses. I admit to mistyping my mom as a 2 at first, but also my grandma as a 6, and now I reverse them.

    Mom - ISFJ 6w7 sp/so, maybe sp/sx
    Step-dad - ISFP 9w8 sp/so
    Sister - ESFP 7w6 so/sp, but being the SP temperament makes her seem sx in ways, and she looks unhealthy 2ish at times also due to being bi-polar.

    Dad - ENTP 7w8, don't know about instincts, probably sp/so
    Step-mom - ESFP 6w7 so/sx, not sure on instincts
    Half-brother - ESFP 6w7 or 9w8? Not sure.
    Step-sister - ENFP 7w6, self-described "happy goth"

    Grandma - ESFJ 2w3 sp/so
    Grandpa - ISTJ 6w5 sp/sx, strong sp, weaker sx

    Aunt #1 - iNFJ 3w4 so/sp, maybe a 4w3 (?)
    Aunt #2 - ENFP 4w3 sp/sx
    Uncle - INTP 5w6 so/sp

    I included my aunts & uncles as each are seen as strange by everyone else. I also get compared a LOT to my INFJ aunt & INTP uncle. Because they comprise 3 out of the 4 kids on my mom's side, they do heavily influence the family vibe (I'm not close to the other side).

    If I said my family has some theme, then it's sp-heavy & 6/7 heavy & perhaps Pe heavy. The general spirit is kind of head-focused; they don't take pride in being earthy. Everyone is bookish & likes culture, even the SFs. They like the coziness of home like an sp, but like a lot of novelty like 7s. Even the SJs are not that practical. Everyone's kind of idealistic. My mom always goes for artsy men, so we've always been broke :P. I don't feel out of place in my family the way some INFPs do; I was criticized for being cold & disorganized, but the SJs lost the battle on organization with all the Ps around. The cold thing was just from the SFs, who unfortunately were my immediate family.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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