So after thinking about it and looking at different definitions, my Type 4 has come into extreme question.
So I retook the test... and I got a two-way split between 6 and 9 with 5 following close behind (all within 3 points, which in that test was a split).
So I took another test. And I got a split between 4, 6, and 9...
Ironically, the type that made me come into question with being a 4 was 2, but that didn't even come close to scoring on the list.
9 seems like it'd be close because I'm extremely laid-back and try to be harmonious with people and things, but I can't be sure about that because I don't have moments where I question the value of my contribution. I know I have things to express that others want to experience, I know my contribution is valuable, and so I don't try to achieve harmony by making myself less visible. I have the typical INFP "let's all hug and get along" attitude.
6 applies because things in my past have left me with a nasty tendency to feel scared and worried about things. I still have phantom pains of what it feels like to be truly alone, for nothing to be secure and everything to be collapsing around me. I avoid risky activities (21 and I don't smoke, drink, go to parties, concerts, don't really go anywhere at night, etc), but I'm not so obsessed with security and safety that I actively seek to establish a completely organized and defensible life situation. I open myself up and connect with people, and I'm not so preoccupied with safety that I don't feel like I can't put my creative work out into the world because of the strong voice I have. Granted, I want to publish under a pen name and nobody know anything about me... Thomas Pynchon style, etc. But still. I'm an English major going for an MFA. I'm not exactly the poster boy for establishing an independent, ordered life lol
5 I can see, because before I'd thought I was a 4w5. But I'm not entirely sure I'm a 4 because I'm not so much preoccupied with being unique as I am with being true to myself. And I know that's cliche, but for me it's truly not an issue of being unique. I don't need to be doing things other people aren't doing, I just need to be doing what I want to do. I wear sweatshirts I like even if everybody else is wearing them (though I'd recognize it's awkward how we all look the same lol). For me, being unique isn't being original, and being original isn't being different. I'm extremely in tune with my emotions and I'm pretty self-aware. I just really don't care about being original. I only care about being emotionally true to myself and my writing.
And overall I feel like I know who I am. Except for how I can't figure out my enneagram lol
But basically I don't hinge my self-worth on who or what I am. And I know it, mostly. I'm an INFP, I'm extremely laid back, I hate conflict, I love writing because I feel like it expresses the person I know I am on the inside (and don't need to define), I like to make others happy (but don't base the value of accomplishments on it), and I just want everyone to get along, yet I don't go about it by trying to blend in. I have a balance in my presence somewhere between 4 and 9.
So I don't know. Either I've broken the whole thing or I'm so unhealthy in one that I'm slipping into another lol
I can see why I scored 4 the first time because I was really getting over some stuff when I took it. I was obsessed with finding a label for my identity. But now that I've balanced a little and gotten comfortable with myself (four years later), I don't know if that skewed my real results and I just wanted to be a 4 because it was unique (and because INFPs kind of get lumped into that category), or if the desire to understand myself better and find value in myself skewed how I answered things.
So all you people who are smarter than me about this, wtf am I?