• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Instinctual variant and relationships

UniqueMixture

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
estj
Enneagram
378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
If your instictual variant is one of 3 different preferences in descending order of preference and you're attracted to someone who is different from you, but also complimentary then would a sx/so/sp work best with say a sx/sp/so or a so/sx/sp but NOT a sp/so/sx? (On the average). I realized most of my long term girlfriends were sx first. Does it work for you?

1/2/3 with 1/3/2 or 2/1/3 not 3/2/1. Someone too opposite from you would be stressful to be around. Someone too similar would be too identical and would run into the same problems in life that you do.
 

Mia.

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
821
[MENTION=8413]Zarathustra[/MENTION] had an idea or two about this.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
8,110
I think double sx/so relationships have too little sp, and they won't handle the necessary shit everyone needs to get done.

I think sx dom's probably want another sx dom, tho, cuz, otherwise, they'll feel like the depth of merging/connection is missing.

As such, I think sx/so probably goes best with sx/sp, but maybe sp/sx and so/sx could work, especially if the aux is close in strength to the dom.

I don't see an sx dom being satisfied in a relationship with an sp/so or so/sp, with sx last, cuz the sx dom's desired level of merger would be missing.

I'm not sure if a similar issue holds true for double sx/sp relationships, though... sx/sp's, is there an analogus problem these couples face?

I mean, I imagine it would have something to do with not socializing or what not, but, I dunno, I'd rather hear directly from sx/sp's...

As for the so firsts and sp firsts, same thing: I don't have the data, so I'd rather hear other peoples' thoughts/experiences.
 
Last edited:

Mia.

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
821
I think sx/so - sx/so leads to too little sp, and they won't handle the necessary shit.

I think sx dom's probably want another sx dom, tho, cuz, otherwise, they'll feel like the depth of merging/connection is missing.

So I think sx/so probably goes best with sx/sp.

I'm not sure if the same holds true for sx/sp - sx/sp, though; are there some problems these couples face?

As for the so firsts and sp firsts, I could start theorizing, but, honestly, I don't have the data, so I'd rather hear other peoples' thoughts/experiences.

I think this couple might struggle with fitting into the social order obviously, and would probably opt to live life hermit-style in a cabin deep in the woods completely away from the clusterf- of society where they can run a self-sustaining homestead and live naked and have constant sex.

 

UniqueMixture

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
estj
Enneagram
378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
[MENTION=8413]Zarathustra[/MENTION] I couldn't leave you a visitor message? Anyhow, I didn't include 2/3/1 and 3/1/2 because I think they would be less optimal than the ones I mentioned. This is also why I didn't list identicals. 2/3/1 would not include your dominant preference in life unless they were REALLY well developed so it could be frustrating you would do the same to them. 3/1/2 is similar to 1/3/2 in that it covers your weakness while still giving you what you want, but ime people prefer getting more of what they want rather than more of what they need. I know, I know, that is what makes me sx first, but the fact that we potentially disagree proves my point :p
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think double sx/so relationships lead to too little sp, and they won't handle the necessary shit everyone needs to get done.

I think sx dom's probably want another sx dom, tho, cuz, otherwise, they'll feel like the depth of merging/connection is missing.

As such, I think sx/so probably goes best with sx/sp, but maybe sp/sx and so/sx could work, especially if the aux is close in strength to the dom.

I don't see an sx dom being satisfied in a relationship with an sp/so or so/sp, with sx last, cuz the sx dom's desired level of merger would be missing.

I'm not sure if a similar issue holds true for double sx/sp relationships, though... sx/sp's, is there an analogus problem these couples face?

I mean, I imagine it would have something to do with not socializing or what not, but, I dunno, I'd rather hear directly from sx/sp's...

As for the so firsts and sp firsts, same thing: I don't have the data, so I'd rather hear other peoples' thoughts/experiences.

I think this couple might struggle with fitting into the social order obviously, and would probably opt to live life hermit-style in a cabin deep in the woods completely away from the clusterf- of society where they can run a self-sustaining homestead and live naked and have constant sex.


Pretty sure my ex was also sx/sp but we are both extroverts also so no we didn't want to be hermit people.

We liked going out and being around people.

It's also sort of possible that I'm sx/so

But it was intense for sure i don't really like to talk about it.
 

Mia.

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
821
Pretty sure my ex was also sx/sp but we are both extroverts also so no we didn't want to be hermit people.

We liked going out and being around people.

It's also sort of possible that I'm sx/so

But it was intense for sure i don't really like to talk about it.

Hmm. You do sort of strike me as sx/so, tbh.

Also you're right, the hermit manifestation would likely be the case for two introverts, not if an extravert were involved in the pairing. Also, I was being somewhat hyperbolic.

 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I strike everyone as an sx so it seems but I just don't relate to so much
I only said that because compared to him there was a difference

But that could Just be something else idk
 

UniqueMixture

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
estj
Enneagram
378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
If I can find an sp/sx that is cool w having sex while skydiving it's a GO!
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
IME, I.S.V. are likely to play a major role, in unconsciously guiding ppl in their potential mate screening process.
 

Reverie

In orbit
Joined
Jul 28, 2011
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx
I think double sx/so relationships lead to too little sp, and they won't handle the necessary shit everyone needs to get done.

I can vouch for this. Still waiting for a free volunteer maid/accountant/secretary to work for a peanut to come bail me and my husband out of household drudgery.
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think sx dom's probably want another sx dom, tho, cuz, otherwise, they'll feel like the depth of merging/connection is missing.

I seriously think so too.

Are there basic problems in understandings if the sx/so/sp order is not in accord in a couple? Doesn't that cause distance in a relationship? Right from the start? Does the level of mutual understanding on a visceral level ever rise to satisfaction?

Are healthy vibes present, resonating harmoniously of people with the same instinctual variants? Are different instinctual variants couples bad for each other compared with how wonderfully opposites can be, as I've heard, with MBTI?
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think double sx/so relationships lead to too little sp, and they won't handle the necessary shit everyone needs to get done.

What would discipline needed to clean one's house have to do with one's sex/social/self-preservational drive combination?

What about just one's desire to live in a clean place?
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Under the assumption I'm sp/so.

My boyfriend is either sp/so or so/sp, and being together over 2 yrs, without many issues with misunderstanding or conflicts in terms of intimacy, I think it works well.

That said, I do feel it might not be 'ideal' in some ways...theoretically, I think I might be best, in terms of complementing each other rather than being really similar, with an sp/sx or so/sx. I think that would lead to a little more what I'll call natural 'zest' and chemistry in some respects, the sx person bringing me out a bit more in certain ways. I think my first boyfriend may have been an xx/sx.

I will say that a collossal fail of a relationship that I had many many years ago was with an sx-dom ENxP, and in hindsight I think some of the major conflict and why it didn't work and he thought I was 'broken' and I felt completely stifled and consumed (and we both became kind of unhealthy in different ways, as neither of us felt 'safe') was because of he being sx-dom.
 

Mia.

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
821
Under the assumption I'm sp/so.

My boyfriend is either sp/so or so/sp, and being together over 2 yrs, without many issues with misunderstanding or conflicts in terms of intimacy, I think it works well.

That said, I do feel it might not be 'ideal' in some ways...theoretically, I think I might be best, in terms of complementing each other rather than being really similar, with an sp/sx or so/sx. I think that would lead to a little more what I'll call natural 'zest' and chemistry in some respects, the sx person bringing me out a bit more in certain ways.

I will say that a collossal fail of a relationship that I had many many years ago was with an sx-dom ENxP, and in hindsight I think some of the major conflict and why it didn't work and he thought I was 'broken' and I felt completely stifled and consumed was because of he being sx-dom.

That's interesting the language you used... my ESTJ is so/sp, and I’m sx/sp, so we are opposites, and he says the same thing. :thinking: His idea and expression of intimacy and need for it is very different from mine, but through the years I have acclimated. Instinctual stackings have definitely helped me understand him much better.
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Under the assumption I'm sp/so.
I will say that a collossal fail of a relationship that I had many many years ago was with an sx-dom ENxP, and in hindsight I think some of the major conflict and why it didn't work and he thought I was 'broken' and I felt completely stifled and consumed (and we both became kind of unhealthy in different ways, as neither of us felt 'safe') was because of he being sx-dom.

That's interesting the language you used... my ESTJ is so/sp, and I’m sx/sp, so we are opposites, and he says the same thing. :thinking: His idea and expression of intimacy and need for it is very different from mine, but through the years I have acclimated. Instinctual stackings have definitely helped me understand him much better.

Isn't a fundamental-level understanding essential? A visceral bonding? I guess that's must be my sx/so.
 

Rasofy

royal member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
5,881
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think the worst combos for me would be sp-last and/or so-dom. The other combinations are more alluring, in different ways.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think sx dom's probably want another sx dom, tho, cuz, otherwise, they'll feel like the depth of merging/connection is missing.

As such, I think sx/so probably goes best with sx/sp, but maybe sp/sx and so/sx could work, especially if the aux is close in strength to the dom.

I don't see an sx dom being satisfied in a relationship with an sp/so or so/sp, with sx last, cuz the sx dom's desired level of merger would be missing.

I think there is truth to these things. The dominant instinct is not a strength. It is a weakness - like a distortion. It would seem like there would be a great deal of intensity between two sx doms but the two wouldn't help each other to moderate that weakness and so it might not be good for the long term. I wonder if you could end up with two people who are co-dependent and don't have sufficient boundaries. So maybe it is better for the dominant to match up with the secondary - as you say - an sx/sp with an so/sx or something like that.
 
Top