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Thread: 3 and 6

  1. #1
    Member WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    Default 3 and 6

    Ok, differences. Similarities. 6w7 vs. 3w4. Key things that really distinguish each? thx!

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    I've thought that I was 6w5 and 3w4 at different points, so I may as well chime in. I'm a probable 6, but a lot of the 3 resonates with me. 6 'disintegrates' to 3 (that is, turns to 3 when stressed) in theory, but I feel connected to 3 for other reasons as well, and I feel more connected to 3 than most 6s would report.

    I value success and finding a very high place for myself in the world, but I'm much more outwardly modest and inwardly self-critical than a 3. My super-ego gets the better of me and often tells me what I 'should' be doing. At times, I've tended to mistake that for 'failing to live up to a 3 image' or something of that nature.

    I'd love to hear other opinions, because I still sometimes confuse myself.

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    Does anyone have any more thoughts on 3 versus 6, in general? What about the OP, @WhimsyGirl?

    I still vascillate between 3 and 6, and not always for unhealthy reasons.

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    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    6s are anxious and fearful by default, in a way that 3s prevent themselves from being - they're not just prone to second guessing their environment or other people, they can easily second guess themselves. There's no such thing as stable ground to an out-of-control 6.

    6s identify with their minds and their racing thoughts, 3s identify with their image and the emotions they illicit.

    3s are narcissistic and self-aggrandising, 6s are fearful and self-deprecating.

    3s knock you out with their ability and their list of achievements, 6s knock you out with their scepticism and contingency-thinking.

    6s are easily prone to being volatile and reactionary, whereas 3s are controlled and "professional".
    Hello

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    Whisky Old & Women Young Speed Gavroche's Avatar
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    6w7= Betty Cooper
    3w4= Veronica Lodge

    3w4= Poison Ivy
    6w7= Harley Queen

    3w4= Madonna
    6w7= Lady Gaga
    EsTP 6w7 Sx/Sp

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    E=60% S=55% T=70% P=80%

    "I don't believe in guilt, I only believe in living on impulses"

    "Stereotypes about personality and gender turn out to be fairly accurate: ... On the binary Myers-Briggs measure, the thinking-feeling breakdown is about 30/70 for women versus 60/40 for men." ~ Bryan Caplan

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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    6s are anxious and fearful by default, in a way that 3s prevent themselves from being - they're not just prone to second guessing their environment or other people, they can easily second guess themselves. There's no such thing as stable ground to an out-of-control 6.

    6s identify with their minds and their racing thoughts, 3s identify with their image and the emotions they illicit.

    3s are narcissistic and self-aggrandising, 6s are fearful and self-deprecating.

    3s knock you out with their ability and their list of achievements, 6s knock you out with their scepticism and contingency-thinking.

    6s are easily prone to being volatile and reactionary, whereas 3s are controlled and "professional".
    This captures it pretty well.

    Today, I learned that Naranjo refers to three kinds of 6s:
    Counterphobic (Sexual)
    Phobic (Preservation)
    Fanatic (Social)

    I've never seen this connection made before. It makes sense though.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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    Member WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    i guess the most obvious thing about 6's is their anxiety. it's there, it's happening, it powers basically everything they do whether overtly or covertly. i know some people who are obvious 6's, some close friends and relatives, and it looks like to me that they can have lots of really nice stuff, put on a great presentation (OR NOT--just the ones that could be mistaken for 3's), and they genuinely want to share it with others, because they want others to like them, because they need that security. 3's are more "no! mine!" a little bit reserved in that way, they have a more "look but don't touch," vibe, like a distance because they want you to believe in them, and aspire to be like them, but they don't really want to be your buddy.

    6's are more scattered, esp if they have that 7 wing, their thoughts are scattered. they know their emotions, but their heads make a mess of it, so it's tough to get them to decide or sort of "pull it together" to make a decision. 3's are much more focused, their aim is hiding their emotional issues, which is easier since emotions are more internal than thought (IMO, feel free to disagree), so they appear more controlled, focused, and somehow icy (reserved), because if they're dealing with issues, it's on the inside, where people can't see it.

    6's (and my brother is a classic 6, he's always talking through his decisions with me and trying to figure out what he should do about things) are all over the place. they are less concerned with how they appear to people (which is why you have some pretty crazy, reactive sixes and why that can be confused with over-emotional fours) than figuring out this crazy swirling of thoughts in their head. that's why you can have a 6 that will vent forever, and they are usually unapologetic about their own emotions, they know how they're feeling. 3's are generally less likely to vent, and theyll probably not really talk about how they're feeling because 1. they don't know themselves, they're trying to repress it 2. they wouldn't let their image be tarnished, unless they're pretty healthy, or you're pretty close with them. also, look at how they get unhealthy. 3's will work to maintain that veneer even as the base is crumbling; 6's will abandon all sense of veneer and just be extremely paranoid. they're not concerned with image.

    the problem i have with celebrity typing is just that celebrities are so exaggerated, like no one really acts that way in the real daily life business, that it's hard to say "OMG i am exactly like madonna! or lady gaga!" they're public, but they're caricatures.

    as for myself (because all this is is really getting to my own personal type...narcissistic much? i know im not security-obsessed. im not that anxious (although i can get a bit anxious, esp in social situations where i think i misspoke, but i get over it pretty quickly), but i do value security in relationships and im super indecisive, mainly cuz i don't want to deal with the responsibility of other people hating me, or making a wrong decision. i don't try to figure out the worst-case scenarios of every situation. and im not really rebellious. however, i do have and strive to have close friends--or a close group of friends.

    i guess when i was younger i was obsessed with making my way to the top, very ambitious. i got burned out in high school, and now im recovering momentum and going full-speed, but im not what you'd call ambitious. i care a lot about looks, but im still relatively chilled about it compared to a lot of people i know. i have that drive, but i want to be normal. i mold myself and contour myself to be what others consider successful, whether that means super laid back, super smart, super driven/ambitious, etc. sometimes i feel like i don't have a personality myself because im always gauging the enviroment (and i've bounced around between a lot of different types of enviorments) and trying to fit myself into their ideal. im also not super assertive or confident, but im verryy self-absorbed LOL. and im not a follower. im not a leader, but i hate feeling trapped, so i like doin my own thing. i know on the outside im more reserved, im very careful about how i portray myself to the world, im more controlled, which is why when i misstep (like misspeak or say something overkill), it's a major deal for me because how people view me, is extremely important to me.

    and in general, in terms of 3's, i don't get where they fall in with their TRIAD. i mean 2's and 4's???!! (i've thought i was both. for a very long time, i was convinced i was a 4--i really think im a heart--problems and emotions is where im at, not such a "head" person). what if their wings influence them a lot? or not at all? i mean, that's a very different type of person. and the fact that they're the centers of their triad, the typifiers of their triad, cracks me up. and confuses me.

    anyway, that was a lot, but if anyone has more insights/comments, i'd love to hear them.

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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Some other thoughts on this:

    3 is a type A personality - competitive, stressed and achieving. They think they can buy love from accomplishing things. I think 6s can be the same way but it comes from a different motivation. The 3's concern is their image in the eyes of others. The MBTI type they are most similar to is ESTP.

    The 6s concern is eliminating the anxiety or fear that exists in their life. As a 6, I've always been a bit of an over-achiever. I do like to present this image of success as a 3 does. However, the primary motivation is to build up the fortress against potential bad things happening. As an example, money is a form of security. There is no reason you can't enjoy some of it but the most important priorities in addition to generating a healthy income to begin with is to reduce the potential risk by making wise financial decisions, investing and reducing debt. If I were to buy a Porsche, for example, I would buy it used and then would drive the thing until it has 150K miles on it
    The MBTI types Naranjo mentions as being most closely aligned to 6 are are INTP and ENTJ (couterphobic).

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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    Member WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    Misidentifying Threes and Sixes

    These types are not often mistyped, but do have some similarities. Both can be very focused on work and performance, but can play very different roles in the workplace. Threes see themselves as soloists: they cooperate with others, but want to excel, to be the best at what they do. They need recognition and acknowledgement for their accomplishments, and as long as those are forthcoming, can be tireless workers. Sixes are hard workers, too, but unless they are moving to Three in stress, tend to feel awkward about taking the spotlight. ("Everyone takes pot shots at the guy out front.") Sixes work hard to ingratiate themselves with their superiors, to build up security, and because they want to convince others of their dependability. Threes tend to be smooth and composed: Sixes tend to be more nervous and awkward, although sometimes endearingly so.

    Another common source of mistyping here comes from the sexual instinctual variant of type Six (see PT, 426-430). In short, some Sixes focus on cultivating personal magnetism and attractiveness like Threes, but their insecurities about their desirability matters is far more visible. Further, Threes tend to project a cool, emotional reserve, while Sixes project more volatile and intense feelings. Compare Threes Tom Cruise and Whitney Houston with Sixes Tom Hanks and Bonnie Raitt.

    source: the enneagram institute

  10. #10
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    Just wanted to keep this thread alive, really.

    Quote Originally Posted by WhimsyGirl View Post
    the problem i have with celebrity typing is just that celebrities are so exaggerated, like no one really acts that way in the real daily life business, that it's hard to say "OMG i am exactly like madonna! or lady gaga!" they're public, but they're caricatures.
    I have a hard time with them, too, for exactly the reason you describe. I can see where interviews with the celebrities have the potential to reveal something about them, especially if they're candid, but the method is still somewhat difficult for me to use fully.

    and in general, in terms of 3's, i don't get where they fall in with their TRIAD. i mean 2's and 4's???!! (i've thought i was both. for a very long time, i was convinced i was a 4--i really think im a heart--problems and emotions is where im at, not such a "head" person). what if their wings influence them a lot? or not at all? i mean, that's a very different type of person. and the fact that they're the centers of their triad, the typifiers of their triad, cracks me up. and confuses me.
    Threes are often regarded as out of touch with their feelings; they repress them in order to move forward. I think that's how they fit into the triad. Maybe kind of odd, but there it is!

    anyway, that was a lot, but if anyone has more insights/comments, i'd love to hear them.
    More stuff from the horse's mouth:

    • I remember a few times having made non-competition into a competition because non-competition was the thing that was valued. For example, bowling with a young professionals group--I differentiated myself from the other guys by jokingly mocking how competitive they were, and the girls ate it up. In fact, I often try to 'stand out' and assert my value by differentiating myself from groups. (I also differentiate myself from groups for other reasons--for example, when brainstorming or problem-solving, we ought to collectively look at the entire picture.)
    • I fall into 'strategy mode' a lot. Everything can morph into a strategy--something that I do in order to most effectively reach some set of goals, even in relationships or in relaxation. It's hard to just 'be,' to 'feel,' or what have you. Effectiveness becomes the goal, and I have multiple rational reasons for doing pretty much everything that I do.
    • My therapist refers to my 'inner narcissist' from time to time--not because I'm outwardly arrogant, but because I get the tendency that, if I'm not the best at something, then it's not worth doing; that I ought to be exceptional at whatever it is that I do. I have extremely high expectations of myself, but I'm more forgiving of others.


    Some of these tendencies are much easier to shake and to get over than others, of course, but I figured that they were all worth mentioning.

    I never related to descriptions of the 3 where narcissism manifested as projecting a vain image for others to see, but then I also never related to descriptions of the 6 that essentially dictated that their anxiety leads them to cling to particular groups and ideas. The core of the type is the thing that needs to be understood; behavioral manifestations are pretty variable.

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