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  1. #1
    Senior Member Cloud of Thunder's Avatar
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    Default Assertiveness Problems?

    Which types do you think have the most difficulty asserting or speaking up for themselves in certain situations? Also, how much of a factor is the wing or the instinct?

  2. #2
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    I'll begin. I'll say that the 9w1 will have a hard time with assertiveness. A colleague of mine is a 9w1, possibly Sexual-first, and is pretty submissive in his relationships and friendships. He can handle doing things by himself but when he is with others, he is so eager to let them run with their agendas, whether it's going out to eat or what TV show to watch.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    9's are the type most likely to have trouble asserting themselves. Especially 9w1, since the 8 wing can make them a bit more more assertive. 9w1 sp/so is the supposedly the least assertive of all the enneatypes, though a 9 with sx would probably be slightly more assertive.

    Other than that, maybe types that are prone to social anxiety...I think that would be 4, 5, and 6. The so instinct can also make one more vulnerable to social anxiety, and thus afraid to speak up.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    9w1 sp/so is the supposedly the least assertive of all the enneatypes, though a 9 with sx would probably be slightly more assertive.
    I read somewhere it was 9w1 so/sp. It makes sense if you think about the combination of needs.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I read somewhere it was 9w1 so/sp. It makes sense if you think about the combination of needs.
    I think it could go either way, and it probably depends more on the individual. Anyways, I've read that it was sp/so, so I guess it's different depending on which description you read.

    Self-pres/Social
    This subtype is the most self-effacing of type Nine, possibly the least assertive of all the enneagram types. They can feel as though they have been looked over and passed by. While they do desire attention and recognition, with the sexual instinct last in the stacking, they seldom actively pursue it. They feel as though it’s just not worth it. This subtype is usually very deliberate and methodical in their speech. They sometimes get frustrated because they don’t feel that they can say what they really want to say. They are therefore often very short and concise with their communication, not wanting to provoke any confrontation. But when given a chance and the time to express themselves, they can be quite talkative. While self-pres needs are important to this type, the fact that they are essentially Nines, sometimes causes them to put the needs of others before their own. When under stress, this type is likely to do busy work, anything that distracts them from their problems.

    In relationships, the self-pres instinct combines with the merging qualities of the Nine to make a person committed and connected strongly in areas of security, home and other practical matters. They merge their environment with their loved ones. On the down side, this subtype can be passive-aggressive and withdraw under stress, holding back affection. They could possibly go long periods of time without talking to their spouse directly.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Cloud of Thunder's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think the Sexual instinct adds a measure of personality. Back to my friend, even though he can be very much a pushover, he does do quite a few activities on his own, like running.

  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I agree with 9w1 being among the least assertive. I haven't thought much about how the variant plays a role in that. I think SX is more assertive in some ways but less so in others. I think SX 9's are most prone to merging, to the point where they deny their own needs in relationships.

    I've also read that 5's can have trouble being assertive. I think they deal with it differently than 9's. I think a 9 is more likely to just 'give in' and a 5 is more likely to just withdraw.
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  8. #8
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Definitely 9s. They can be like "shadow" people. I mean to the point where someone fairly close might not know their favorite food or color because they rarely if ever put themselves forward enough to talk about their likes and dislikes.

    I agree that 5s are likely to withdraw but I find that if I feel it's necessary, I have no problem being assertive. It just depends on what is at stake.

    What about 4s?

  9. #9
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Definitely 9s. They can be like "shadow" people. I mean to the point where someone fairly close might not know their favorite food or color because they rarely if ever put themselves forward enough to talk about their likes and dislikes.

    I agree that 5s are likely to withdraw but I find that if I feel it's necessary, I have no problem being assertive. It just depends on what is at stake.

    What about 4s?

  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    6s can definitely swing between being too polite/restrained/compliant, and too aggressive/combative. It seems that while as a 6 you will lean either toward being mainly phobic (which I am) or mainly counterphobic, 6s will have both within themselves unless they're very unbalanced.

    I think definitely as a phobic 6 if you try TOO hard to be polite and restrained and keep things "safe", the unhealthy counterphobic explosion can be all the worse when it comes.
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