Even trying to be as excellent a parent as possible doesn't ensure you don't miss a thing here or there.
I have a personal example - one thing we decided our kids would not have to do was struggle with their post-secondary education. When they were born we started saving and each has scholarships to cover the expenses as a result. One of the savings programs we enrolled in had this certificate you could frame and hang on your kids bedroom wall.
It looked like a real diploma. It said basically, "You have savings to be able to go to any school, so dream, dream BIG!"
Incentivizing to my daughter.
Demotivating to my son. My son told me when he was about 18 that every time he saw it hanging on the wall, it was like these expectations hanging over his head, that he had to be successful and do well in school, that he had to live up to this goal that he didn't know if he wanted. That he would be letting us down if he didn't go.
And as attuned as I am to emotions and how my kids are feeling, his response floored me, I never imagined it could make him feel like that.
So, I really don't buy the whole, "You had to have a crappy parent to identify with the enneagram" thing. The evolution of a child's development, their interaction with siblings and peers, with either parent and even step-parents, other significant adult roles, all of that ties into the enneagram. Talking about "parenting" is a handy shorthand - the birth parents are of course, a huge component, but there's more nuance there, and I'm not uncomfortable with that.
We all developed strategies to have our needs met.