User Tag List

Results 1 to 8 of 8

  1. #1
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    1,557

    Default Habitual Avoidance

    This is the same idea as the "soul child" I've seen thrown around - the idea that we demonise our point of integration because it feels so antithetical to our way of being. It also relates to the idea that we project our own sense of inferiority onto other people, looking down on those who seem to embody what we don't feel comfortable with.

    Growth comes from accepting these ways of being as just another part of ourselves, so we can become more comfortable with who we are as a result.
    • 1s strive to be perfect, and striving to be excited (7) can seem like wanting to be irresponsible and fool-hardy.
    • 2s strive to be connected, and striving to be unique (4) can seem like wanting to be selfish and isolating.
    • 3s strive to be outstanding, and striving to be secure (6) can seem like wanting to be lazy and mediocre.
    • 4s strive to be unique, and striving to be perfect (1) can seem like wanting to be stifled and repressed.
    • 5s strive to be detached, and striving to be powerful (8) can seem like wanting to be out of control and overwhelming.
    • 6s strive to be secure, and striving to be peaceful (9) can seem like wanting to be passive and unguarded.
    • 7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.
    • 8s strive to be powerful, and striving to be connected (2) can seem like wanting to be weak and dependant on others.
    • 9s strive to be peaceful, and striving to be outstanding (3) can seem like wanting to be arrogant and demanding.


    Does anyone recognise this sort of thing in themselves? What sort of people do you tend to look down on, and why?

    A lot of this is taken from this book, which I highly recommend (it does a really good job of clarifying the points of integration/disintegration, as well as applicable/practical recommendations for growth):

    http://www.amazon.com/Awareness-Acti.../dp/1589661257
    Hello

  2. #2
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    I definitely relate to the 5. I hate the feeling of "being out control and overwhelmed". I start to freak out and want run from it as soon as possible. However, I really enjoy the presence of ENTJ 8s for some reason. I admire the "no bullshit" attitude.... I find them to be relaxing, IRL and online.

    I look down on people who constantly need to make other people "happy" because it's more about them than me and they don't give you any room to think about what you need to do or time to analyze things.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    Hmmm. This is very interesting to me, since I have had great difficult in distinguishing between 4w3 and 3w4.

    Oddly, I will admit that both 1 and 6 traits can seem distasteful to me in ways.. (no offense to any e-type, this is very general) yet not in the ways previously described..

    In 6's I dislike the great fear factor of environment, the need to secure oneself seems limiting, wasted energy on what might be unimportant to me, but not lazy at all.

    In 1's I find the need to be perfect self-defeating, and I also see a dangerous ability to become short-sighted with principles overwhelming the individual. But I don't feel like I am at risk of this...

    But I will definately need to reflect on these ideas a little more, and the way they play out in myself.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  4. #4
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    • 7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.

    Does anyone recognise this sort of thing in themselves? What sort of people do you tend to look down on, and why?
    Not so much, I am detached myself, I feel quite comfortable with those who are detached also, especially E5s.

    I'm more likely to look down on the following preferences, I am a 7 and relate strongly to 9 as well, maybe that plays a role here.

    •1s strive to be perfect, and striving to be excited (7) can seem like wanting to be irresponsible and fool-hardy.

    •6s strive to be secure, and striving to be peaceful (9) can seem like wanting to be passive and unguarded.

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    77

    Default

    "9s strive to be peaceful, and striving to be outstanding (3) can seem like wanting to be arrogant and demanding"
    Yes! I have this problem! There's contrast between wanting the peace and affirming myself. Maybe I feel it a lot because of 8 wing.
    INFP 9w8 5w4 4w5 sx/sp/so
    Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Te

  6. #6
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,625

    Default

    This is so interesting. Thank you for starting this thread. And for the link to the book.

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    [*]7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.
    I can’t say this really applies to me. In fact, I would go so far as to say the opposite is true. I admire fives – a great deal. I also don’t possess a sense that I fear what is ‘dull and boring’. But I’ve never been the type of 7 that necessarily seeks out extreme excitement. It’s more like I seek out leisure/laziness and mental-distraction. Things that will keep me happy in the moment (seemingly unwilling to face what will truly make me happy over the long-haul). I only wish I knew how to detach because I believe then…I could rely less on the need for mental-distraction in order to avoid pain.

    I’m wondering, though, if there is a difference with regards to how you feel about your integration point when it is a part of the same triad.

  7. #7
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    2,399

    Default

    4s strive to be unique, and striving to be perfect (1) can seem like wanting to be stifled and repressed.
    Yes. I definitely struggle with this.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  8. #8
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    BIRD
    Enneagram
    631 sp
    Posts
    3,264

    Default

    I'm not so sure I relate to any of these.

Similar Threads

  1. Avoiding people in public places
    By chatoyer in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 01-22-2016, 03:01 PM
  2. Avoiding Chinese food nearly impossible.
    By Athenian200 in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 06-09-2011, 08:10 PM
  3. [INFP] INFP avoidant?
    By Snowey1210 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 12-10-2009, 08:57 PM
  4. [INFJ] INFJs--Avoidant?
    By grendiecat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-21-2009, 06:57 PM
  5. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-26-2007, 12:29 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO