My deepest desires? Instinct Variants

[Vizzy]

I've been trying to figure out my instinct variant and am pretty sure that self-preservation is in it.
Often, it's as if I don't need people in my life. I'd be happy spending weeks alone researching and reading about the topics I'm interested in, or making the library my home.

About instinct variants, does it have more to do with how you act or what you REALLY want deep down? I ask that because I'm a contradiction. For someone who's so fascinated with self-discovery, I can be such a puzzle to myself.

Sp is probably first, although I wouldn't discount the possibility that it may be second.
The sexual and social variants are the ones I have trouble with.

Regarding the social variant:

I don't care too much about my status or position in society. I was never bothered with popularity nor felt threatened by peer pressure. Feeling superior in a group is something I definitely don't aim for. Clubs/groups/the elite - none of those really interest me, let alone the desire to rise in rank.

Regarding the sexual variant:

I fantasize about a close/romantic relationship but am at the same time afraid of such intimacy with another person. I'm nice and friendly with everyone but even my friends/acquaintances have pointed out that it's as if I walk around with a "Don't come too close" sign. It's a contradiction I don't understand. How can a person want a close bond with someone but convince herself to kill the idea as if it's disgusting or hopeless?

What are my instinct variants? Feel free to ask me questions. If it helps, I'm a 5w4 and possibly an INTP.

 

[Elfboy]

I've been trying to figure out my instinct variant and am pretty sure that self-preservation is in it.
Often, it's as if I don't need people in my life. I'd be happy spending weeks alone researching and reading about the topics I'm interested in, or making the library my home.

About instinct variants, does it have more to do with how you act or what you REALLY want deep down? I ask that because I'm a contradiction. For someone who's so fascinated with self-discovery, I can be such a puzzle to myself.

Sp is probably first, although I wouldn't discount the possibility that it may be second.
The sexual and social variants are the ones I have trouble with.

Regarding the social variant:

I don't care too much about my status or position in society. I was never bothered with popularity nor felt threatened by peer pressure. Feeling superior in a group is something I definitely don't aim for. Clubs/groups/the elite - none of those really interest me, let alone the desire to rise in rank.

Regarding the sexual variant:

I fantasize about a close/romantic relationship but am at the same time afraid of such intimacy with another person. I'm nice and friendly with everyone but even my friends/acquaintances have pointed out that it's as if I walk around with a "Don't come too close" sign. It's a contradiction I don't understand. How can a person want a close bond with someone but convince herself to kill the idea as if it's disgusting or hopeless?
What are my instinct variants? Feel free to ask me questions. If it helps, I'm a 5w4 and possibly an INTP.

you sound Sp/Sx as hell. welcome to the club

 

[VagrantFarce]

You don't have to display social behavior to have a dominant social instinct, or alluring behavior to have a dominant sexual instinct, or actively seek health/comfort to have a dominant self-preservation instinct. The instincts are subconscious radars - they skew your attention in a certain direction.

For example, take someone who sees themselves primarily as "anti-social", or otherwise separate from "the group" - they might not consciously think of themselves as having a social instinct, but they're still orienting via the social instinct subconsciously. While they don't see themselves as social, they're still orientating to the world in a social manner - their place in the world is defined by their orientation (or lack thereof) to the group.

This is the trick to it - examine yourself, look at the decisions you've made, and try to spot the patterns. This will help you to notice how your subconscious influences your decisions and behavior, and ultimately help you identify how you are addressing (or not addressing) your needs.

 

[Vizzy]

you sound Sp/Sx as hell. welcome to the club

Damn, really?? I guess the 'sex' in 'sexual variant' freaked me out.

 

[Elfboy]

Damn, really?? I guess the 'sex' in 'sexual variant' freaked me out.

the sexual instinct is about intimacy, merging, intensity and forming strong bonds with people/things.

 

[Vizzy]

You don't have to display social behavior to have a dominant social instinct, or alluring behavior to have a dominant sexual instinct, or actively seek health/comfort to have a dominant self-preservation instinct. The instincts are subconscious radars - they skew your attention in a certain direction.
For example, take someone who sees themselves primarily as "anti-social", or otherwise separate from "the group" - they might not consciously think of themselves as having a social instinct, but they're still orienting via the social instinct subconsciously. While they don't see themselves as social, they're still orientating to the world in a social manner - their place in the world is defined by their orientation (or lack thereof) to the group.

This is the trick to it - examine yourself, look at the decisions you've made, and try to spot the patterns. This will help you to notice how your subconscious influences your decisions and behavior, and ultimately help you identify how you are addressing (or not addressing) your needs.

The first few lines. That's an important point that needs to be pointed out more in instinct variant discussions.
In that case, the social instinct resonates less with me. Fitting in or trying hard to be different is not something that I make any effort to do. I'm aware of my oddness, but it's not something I publicize, revel in, or dis/encourage.
On the other hand, intimacy and close relationships is an area that I can honestly say I worry and wrack my brain about (though I never act on it...and usually deny myself).

 

[Vizzy]

the sexual instinct is about intimacy, merging, intensity and forming strong bonds with people/things.

Yeah, I was kidding (well, half-) about the 'sex'. Regarding all those things you just mentioned, that's why I initially thought the sexual instinct related to me least. Intimacy, merging, strong bonds with people?? Ugh. (There I go again, putting on that stupid front, pretending I don't want anything to do with getting close to a person.) [MENTION=5632]VagrantFarce[/MENTION] raised a good point about how the instinct also shows its power when we feel strongly against it.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

Instincts variant are not really about "deepest desire". "desire" come from the heart, while instincts are, by definition, instinctive and come from the guts. It's a current mistake, for example, many people think they are Sexual, while they are simply emo.

 

[Silveresque]

I'm gonna go with [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] on this. You seem Sp/Sx to me. If you don't desire to fit in to the group, chances are you're So last. And you mentioned being conflicted by your desire for intimacy--that's common for fives with the Sx instinct from what I've heard. But I think it's also possible that you could be Sx/Sp, so I would look up the two variants and see which one seems to be the better fit.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

the sexual instinct is about intimacy, merging, intensity and forming strong bonds with people/things.

Yes, but for sex, not to drink tea and discuss buisness and philosophy.

 

[Vizzy]

Thanks to everyone, Elfboy, VagrantFarce, Speed, and RevlisZero.
This turned out easier than I expected. Also, since I keep trying (and will continue) to deny it, to finally recognise my sexual variant is actually quite liberating...

As [MENTION=14216]RevlisZero[/MENTION] suggested, I've had a look at sx/sp vs sp/sx and I think the latter is much more fitting. I have a lot of control over myself and any temptations, whereas the sx/sp sounds quite prone to impulsiveness and 'following the heart'. Sp-dom makes sense as I tend to be very avoidant with the mindset of "I'm safest when by myself", which easily overrules my sx instinct 95% of the time.

 

[Vizzy]

Yes, but for sex, not to drink tea and discuss buisness and philosophy.

The way I see it:
Sp - Focus on Self
Sx - Intimate one-on-one relationships
So - Role in community/society at large

To specify sx as = sex is too limiting as it's just a small part of what intimate/close relationships involve, many of which don't include sex at all.
Other descriptions have stated that sx may show itself as the sharing of deep dark secrets, etc. Trust and the ability to allow oneself to be vulnerable is a big issue of mine, and I guess that's a large part of the sexual instinct.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

To specify sx as = sex is too limiting as it's just a small part of what intimate/close relationships involve, many of which don't include sex at all.

No, it's not limited. Instincts are anchored in our animal nature, it is our three different way to survive in the animal world. Sp wolf are above instinctively led to organize a confortable sanctum. So wolf are above all instinctively led to connect with and take place in the pack. The ultimate and primarly impulse of Sx is to be the best reproducer, it's about being at the top of the food chain sexually. With human being, it's sometimes expressed in love, but above all, Sx is about power, agressivity and vitality. If you have not that, you are not Sx, despite you really love your intimate and like to drink tea and platonic philosophical blabbbing with them.

 

[Elfboy]

No, it's not limited. Instincts are anchored in our animal nature, it is our three different way to survive in the animal world. Sp wolf are above instinctively led to organize a confortable sanctum. So wolf are above all instinctively led to connect with and take place in the pack. The ultimate and primarly impulse of Sx is to be the best reproducer, it's about being at the top of the food chain sexually. With human being, it's sometimes expressed in love, but above all, Sx is about power, agressivity and vitality. If you have not that, you are not Sx, despite you really love your intimate and like to drink tea and platonic philosophical blabbbing with them.

so in other words, it's Sx instinct when you freak out internally because you feel like you look hideously unattractive if you've left the house without doing your hair.

 

[Vizzy]

No, it's not limited. Instincts are anchored in our animal nature, it is our three different way to survive in the animal world. Sp wolf are above instinctively led to organize a confortable sanctum. So wolf are above all instinctively led to connect with and take place in the pack. The ultimate and primarly impulse of Sx is to be the best reproducer, it's about being at the top of the food chain sexually. With human being, it's sometimes expressed in love, but above all, Sx is about power, agressivity and vitality. If you have not that, you are not Sx, despite you really love your intimate and like to drink tea and platonic philosophical blabbbing with them.

That's an interesting interpretation of the instinct variants that I haven't seen around...and it makes a lot of sense. Would be nice to hear other views on this as well. Personally, I'll have to mull over it some more.
And here I thought So, not Sx, was the one associated with power and rank...

 

[Speed Gavroche]

That's an interesting interpretation of the instinct variants that I haven't seen around...and it makes a lot of sense. Would be nice to hear other views on this as well. Personally, I'll have to mull over it some more.
And here I thought So, not Sx, was the one associated with power and rank...

So are about power to, but they seek power to enlarge them toward a larger sphere while Sx seek above all intensity.

 

[Vizzy]

So are about power to, but they seek power to enlarge them toward a larger sphere while Sx seek above all intensity.

In that case, I'm still identifying with Sp/Sx most. Really, the wolf/animal analogy is interesting...and pretty obvious when you think about it. You've all given me quite a bit of thinking material. Thanks.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

so in other words, it's Sx instinct when you freak out internally because you feel like you look hideously unattractive if you've left the house without doing your hair.

It can be that, or, at the contrary, decide that cou can't have the power and intensity that you want if you care that much about what other people think, or simply feel that the need for connection is too strong to still withdraw, or at the contrary, indulge totally in withdrawing and/or horrible neglect. Jon Bon Jovi, Howard Hughes, Amy Winehouse and GG Allin are Sx for example, and they illustrate theses diverse leanings wery well.