My enneatype is one of those three. I was typed as a 4w5 for the past year. I was 100% sure that I was one--My greatest fear is to loose my identity, my personal meaning. My greatest need is to be unique, to reach complete authenticity.
BUT, because I not only wanted to be unique, but THE MOST UNIQUE person, and since I want to improve/expand/build on my identity instead of just sticking with who I am, I received feedback that my pattern was more 3w4-alike. I analysed myself and I did find a certain Three quality within myself---in areas I care about(writing, being unique,etc.) I want to surpass everyone else. Being unique would be sufficient just for now, but if I encountered someone equally unique, or even more unique that I am, I feel like I would loose my identity, because every "labelling" depends on the circumstances-it's all relative. So, to avoid loosing my sense of self,I would need to keep my uniqueness(because uniqueness is the door to personal meaning, which is what creates a worthwhile identity) and to keep my uniqueness, I feel the need to compete against every unique person I meet. "Winning" the "competition" ensures that maintain my identity-that I maintain my authenticity(because how can you taste the real you without your subjectivity--which comes with your own perspectives, your unique mark on things?).
I should mention that I am somewhat stuck between authenticity and uniquenes. Most of the time, I feel like they work in pair to shape my identity, but sometimes they could contradict each other. I am not willing to sacrifice one for the other, which makes me quite stuck in self-developement. I have other blocks too. I dread failure, incompetence--so much that it makes me procrastinate as a coping mechanism to avoid failure altogether. I'm too focused on self-analysis to be involved in "the real world", or to accomplish any goals I set for myself.
Anyway...I would say that I belong in the competency group and in the withdrawn one, which points towards 5 instead of 4 or 3. And I related fully to what is supposed to be the childhood developement that makes an E5 a Five in the first place.
Like a 4, I feel defective, but unlike a 4, I know why I feel defective. I don't like to show my feelings(like if i'm falling apart) in public but I love to wallow in them in private and I even wallow frequently in empathy(yes, and odd concept...) It's like I am emotionally expressive generally, but when it comes to crying, I try to remain stoic--I usually fail because I have no self-control and am too sensitive. I'm too withdrawn to be a 4w3. Like a Five, I feel overwhelmed by the world. I need to be intellectually engaged and experience intense feelings at all time otherwise I wil feel disconnected, lost, helpless,etc.
My gut fix is either 9w1 or 1w9, probably the latter. My Head fix is 5w4 for sure. My Heart fix is either 4w5 or 3w4. I'm SP/SO.
Anyway...ask me anything you want. Any insights?