I've been unhealthily obsessed with the E-gram since getting into it one year and eight months ago. I was also obsessed with MBTI but as I never saw the same potential with that one it didn't go as far. My life was going downhill anyway, but this appears to be making my edginess and frustration worse, especially as I crave to discuss E-gram issues with other people – like I cannot resolve anything without someone else 'backing me up'. But forums are terrible for this – I crave a proper conversation, with an immediate response.
I don't understand it though because for six months I was fairly confident of being a six. This is a major achievement for someone like myself. But I can't stop questioning what apparently doesn't 'fit', such as being under-productive, self-indulgent, self-absorbed, spaced-out, sentimental etc. I typed as a six due to having apparently 'understood' and strongly felt the underlying type 'signature' at work in my mind.
Many times I have rationally explained to myself that no one can construct type descriptions (that are based on manifestations) that can apply to everyone of that type – behaviours and conscious thoughts cannot be reliably mapped to particular fixations - these are at best general trends. You see after a while you tend to find that the E-gram cannot really be understood through words alone, but through experience and gut-feeling.
But then someone says something along the lines of 'this type is like this or that' and I panic and have doubts again – why can't I just listen to my own sense of reason – why do I need everyone to agree with me?
Anyway, enough. I really want to give up on trying to understand myself as a 'type', but it's like I can't quit. I have decided to try to find a therapist to help me resolve my 'issues'. I crave to talk to someone in person about all this, including my obsession with 'finding my lost self', and because I honestly feel it is the only way I might be able to just try to understand myself as an individual, without worrying whether it fits a god-damn 'type' or not.