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  1. #1
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Default People who have social variant last

    How do you feel about people with a strong social variant?

    I don't mind them in regular life, but found that living with them can make me uncomfortable. Seeing as I don't have the ability to do anything for the sake of a group. (I even think that eating three meals on time at a table is very imposing. Just eat when you're hungry, man!) This is a major conflict with socials (specifically social J's) that I've lived with. (Not just the meal thing, but just about everything "for the sake of" playing a certain part in a group.)
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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    by sns.

  2. #2
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I find communicating to groups very awkward and usually end up dominating the conversation or just being the cool guy in the back who doesn't say much.
    it's confusing trying to figure out when the best time to speak is, when it's okay to interrupt/talk at the same time and trying to see all the social dynamics between all the different members of the group. the idea of "unity" is very scary to me and often times I feel like the group is trying to control my thoughts and actions which make me feel mildly offended
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  3. #3
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I find communicating to groups very awkward and usually end up dominating the conversation or just being the cool guy in the back who doesn't say much.
    it's confusing trying to figure out when the best time to speak is, when it's okay to interrupt/talk at the same time and trying to see all the social dynamics between all the different members of the group. the idea of "unity" is very scary to me and often times I feel like the group is trying to control my thoughts and actions which make me feel mildly offended
    Yes, I can agree with that whole thing. I don't understand a lot of social rules. In a group social setting, I just do whatever because I don't like to be disliked. But regarding odd social rules like not putting your elbows on the table or getting dressed on a day off when you're staying inside, (many SO housemates have asked me about that one), or having to stand up when company comes in.... The list goes on and on. They make me feel so inappropriate all the time.

    Edit: Or the age old "up all night" conversation. "Why did you stay up all night?"
    Well my internal value system never mentioned an appropriate time to go to bed, that's why. "Well now we can't eat breakfast at the same time." oh well.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  4. #4
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yes, I can agree with that whole thing. I don't understand a lot of social rules. In a group social setting, I just do whatever because I don't like to be disliked. But regarding odd social rules like not putting your elbows on the table or getting dressed on a day off when you're staying inside, (many SO housemates have asked me about that one), or having to stand up when company comes in.... The list goes on and on. They make me feel so inappropriate all the time.

    Edit: Or the age old "up all night" conversation. "Why did you stay up all night?"
    Well my internal value system never mentioned an appropriate time to go to bed, that's why. "Well now we can't eat breakfast at the same time." oh well.
    I thought that was a J thing more than an SO thing. I do things because I feel like it and this seems to be a foreign concept to most of the Js I know
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  5. #5
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I thought that was a J thing more than an SO thing. I do things because I feel like it and this seems to be a foreign concept to most of the Js I know
    Yeah, probably a J thing, too... I think the social variant adds a bit more obligation to everything that you do.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  6. #6
    brainheart
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    Instinctual variants confuse the crap out of me. But I relate to what you say. I'm good at table manners, other than that I'm pretty lost. I feel pretty retarded socially, but could that just be because I'm an introvert and a withdrawn type?

  7. #7
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Instinctual variants confuse the crap out of me. But I relate to what you say. I'm good at table manners, other than that I'm pretty lost. I feel pretty retarded socially, but could that just be because I'm an introvert and a withdrawn type?
    I'm not sure about this. There are obviously dozens of nuances that go into social behavior, (having the social variant just one of them.) When I think about it, the social variant may be just the most awkward for me. I've been close to a lot of J's, seems like the social ones just push me over the edge a bit. (Obviously this is very broad and doesn't apply to all. Instinctual variants are extremely broad anyways.) People who are strongly group oriented remind me of pointless southern debutantes at tea parties. (Sorry if that comparison was just a little too much of an Ne logic jump, but that's really what I think of.) I don't dislike them, it's just a completely different world that I really don't understand. I don't understand neighborhoods or why people need to have a place in them, I don't understand churches, I don't understand seemingly arbitrary groups of people in general. I think I am just more comfortable with people who are a little bit "with me" on that or at least understand it. (I want to make a group of people against groups. )
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  8. #8
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    If they have some sx in there (I mean, either first or second) I'm fine with them, I think they're fun and inclusive. Oftentimes though, when they are either sp-so or so-sp, I can't help but thinking about them as being excessively tied to social expectations - not etiquette or caring about everyone in a given group, but rather large-scale trends in societies which I personally consider as meaningless.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  9. #9
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    It's all moot unless they're inflicting their rules or requirements onto me. Then...inflicting WILL be reciprocated!

  10. #10
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I'm not sure about this. There are obviously dozens of nuances that go into social behavior, (having the social variant just one of them.) When I think about it, the social variant may be just the most awkward for me. I've been close to a lot of J's, seems like the social ones just push me over the edge a bit. (Obviously this is very broad and doesn't apply to all. Instinctual variants are extremely broad anyways.) People who are strongly group oriented remind me of pointless southern debutantes at tea parties. (Sorry if that comparison was just a little too much of an Ne logic jump, but that's really what I think of.) I don't dislike them, it's just a completely different world that I really don't understand. I don't understand neighborhoods or why people need to have a place in them, I don't understand churches, I don't understand seemingly arbitrary groups of people in general. I think I am just more comfortable with people who are a little bit "with me" on that or at least understand it. (I want to make a group of people against groups. )
    Yep. I just don't care. I feel no need for community. A couple of good friends who get me is just fine. Public worship,neighborhood associations, school activities, etc, so not there. Team sports/ playing on a team I've never been able to do, either. Who throws what? How do we integrate together?

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