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  1. #31
    Senior Member Goosebump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    So the question is, is the instinctual variant your focus or what you're skilled at? (or both, obviously, depending on the person.) I have a type four friend who lacks many social skills but is painfully socially aware. His flaws in this area destroy him. He dreams of achieving something great; he only wants to do something if he can make a big impact, be the top in his artistic field. The fact he has yet to do this fills him with great shame.

    Conversely, sure I can be self-conscious about things, but for me it's more about, say, putting my heart, secret thoughts out there for everyone to see. I don't desire greatness, just to be doing what matters to me. The fact that I have yet to do this fills me with remorse. I, however, have better social skills than he does- not great, but decent. But it's not something I think about much. I'd rather just do what I want to do, who cares about the group response?

    So... Which is so or no or neither?
    I think it has to do more with focus. I'm not very skilled with social situations and can be super awkward. Many times, I feel clueless about what to do socially. I think So differ from non-So is that their need to feel belonged or to contribute to a group is a lot greater.
    In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

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    --Deviantart--

  2. #32
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goosebump View Post
    I'm so/sx and I don't care about serving my country. In fact, I think extreme nationalism is quite scary and pointless. I think people of different enneagram numbers or MBTI types can be like this, but instinctual variants have nothing to do with it. How my SO manifests in term of community has to do with how I feel about it. For example, joining a community that supports environment conservation or wildlife, hell yes. Christian American Association, no. Pretty much, I want to be involved with others that share the same ideas as me, not just any will do. Being SO doesn't mean being a conformist or social fanatic, it just means I need a wider circle of people (that I like) than non-so.
    I think so-dom means being attentive to the social landscape, not necessarily compliant to it... Orwell was a so-dom known for his biting social satire and criticism of political power and of those who misused it.

  3. #33
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    I very much relate to that description.
    Glad to help
    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I guess I see it as being aware of what's going on interpersonally, and helping things run smoothly in a group?
    Yes, I agree. This is definitely an important part of it.

    For example, if someone tells a joke that makes others in a group uncomfortable, I can smooth that over socially for all parties - the one who made a joke with no clue they have just offended a couple of other people in the party, and the offended parties to realize it likely was delivered clumsily but with no ill intent. If I see people dominating a conversation I can draw them elsewhere, and for the ones who don't have a say I can create an opportunity for them to pipe up and join in if they so desire it. Sometimes I can literally see the words trying to burst out of someone and they are just waiting for the right way to jump in. So, I can make that space for them.
    I really identify with those examples

    Undoubtedly, me being a 9 so-dom looks quite a bit different than another enneatype so-dom. Even so, I guess I see so-dom as being adroit to the people-nuances that go on in groups, rather than controlling? And when I see people who are being overly controlling, my mandate is to soften that? Sort of the peace-making thing at work...
    I think that's the point. Its a skill people can use to suit their own ends: sometimes that's manipulation, sometimes that's interpersonal harmony.

    And as an aside, it's probably why I love watching Survivor too - put a bunch of people together and watch everyone maneuver; there are those who "get" the rules and are able to navigate well around others, and then there are those who have no clue about how they are coming across.
    Me too! That's the only reason I watch it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I just wanted to add that the point Southern Kross made is something that occurred to me. And in FJs, it would stand to reason that it would amplify Fe’s tendency to presume ‘common sense’ should revolve more around getting along with others when that Fe’er is so-variant dominant (so the comments some have made in that regard make sense to me).
    Yes, that is an interesting thought. I wonder a FJ would just absorb so into Fe or whether it would operate separately. For my part I don't see so as being as strong, specific and proactive as Fe. I find it gives me a certain consciousness but I lack the skill to act on it correctly - perhaps when combined with Fe it gains more direction.

    Anyway, I should stop the derail.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #34
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    LOL.. eat whenever you want.

    I'm so/sp and I don't really care about what other people do...but I feel kind of guilty that it's 2:30AM and I'm not asleep, because now I'm going to wake up later than everyone else (I work for myself) and feel like a grungy slob.

    Generally, I set certain expectations for myself, but I'm laissez faire about others' lives, unless they somehow affect mine.
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  5. #35
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I just got to thinking that variant in itself is kind of meaningless without knowing your actual enneagram type. A social 5 is different from a social 3, which is different from a social 6, etc. Alot of the social last behaviors that people are mentioning in this thread that I relate to could just be the independence of enneagram type 5.
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  6. #36
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    I just got to thinking that variant in itself is kind of meaningless without knowing your actual enneagram type. A social 5 is different from a social 3, which is different from a social 6, etc. Alot of the social last behaviors that people are mentioning in this thread that I relate to could just be the independence of enneagram type 5.
    I will often test sp (on bad tests) because of my strong 5 wing. A social 5 at first glance can seem like a kind of a contradiction . On the other hand it could explain some of your type confusion that you have previously mentioned.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #37
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    LOL.. eat whenever you want.

    I'm so/sp and I don't really care about what other people do...but I feel kind of guilty that it's 2:30AM and I'm not asleep, because now I'm going to wake up later than everyone else (I work for myself) and feel like a grungy slob.

    Generally, I set certain expectations for myself, but I'm laissez faire about others' lives, unless they somehow affect mine.
    why would you feel guilty for that. you work for yourself, you can wake up whenever the fuck you want, it's one of your job benefits
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
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  8. #38
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I will often test sp (on bad tests) because of my strong 5 wing. A social 5 at first glance can seem like a kind of a contradiction . On the other hand it could explain some of your type confusion that you have previously mentioned.
    a social 4, a social 5 or a social INFP can all seem contradictory at first glance
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Papa Bear
    Motivation: Dark Worker
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Chibi Seme
    MTG Color: black/red
    Male Archtype: King/Lover
    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  9. #39
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I am 4w5 sp/sx.

    I tend to be mostly quiet and reserved or serious and analytical. I often have the problem of thinking someone is a friend, though, and letting them see too much of the sx side of me, which is enfp "silly switch" or is very affectionate and sweet, or sometimes it is unprocessed emotional content. When this happens, they freak out and withdraw, as depending upon who they are, it is totally weird for them

    ESTPs can be the hardest as they REALLY love sweet Fi and even enjoy Ne silliness, but emo-sad Fi is too intense. Pretty much the same thing for ENTPs. I suspect if I functioned in a more innate so style, I might be slower to disclose. Learning to not disclose and only forge partial, more shallow aquaintence style friendships is something I am learning to do slowly.

    Additionally I also recognize the "not getting the memo" on unspoken or expected social rituals. Once someone points out an area of need-table manners for instance-I can go learn exactly what I need to know and do just fine-but without explicit guidance and feedback, I am in the dark.

  10. #40
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I am 4w5 sp/sx.

    I tend to be mostly quiet and reserved or serious and analytical. I often have the problem of thinking someone is a friend, though, and letting them see too much of the sx side of me, which is enfp "silly switch" or is very affectionate and sweet, or sometimes it is unprocessed emotional content. When this happens, they freak out and withdraw, as depending upon who they are, it is totally weird for them.
    Yeah, I for sure hear that.

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