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  1. #11
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    so/sx people seem to be into social duty and serving their country and I'm thinking "hell no, I'm not gonna go die for a country. I didn't even choose to be born here in the first place. why should I have to be subserviant to this socially reinforced illusion you call a society" I don't usually say this outloud, but occasionally I do
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  2. #12
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    How do you feel about people with a strong social variant?
    I'm honesty in awe of them at times. The way they navigate socially seems almost magical to me. I feel like I missed the social protocol memo growing up. I'm so unaware of social dynamics in a group it can cause me to make blunders or to be very naive about "power struggles". In a group, I will tend to be unaware of "unofficial leaders", and I may step on their toes, or I will think everyone is getting along, unaware that there is an unspoken struggle between some people.

    I'm also just a loner. I'm not a "joiner" & I don't hang with a pack. I find the amount of adjusting you have to do within a group cumbersome, likely because I am so unaware of those invisible inner workings that I am clumsy. If a group is imposed on me, then I feel confined a bit; I don't grasp the unspoken "rules", and so they feel arbitrary to me and I resent them. This is when they rub me the wrong way, but otherwise, I tend to admire them from a distance.

    I don't mind them in regular life, but found that living with them can make me uncomfortable. Seeing as I don't have the ability to do anything for the sake of a group. (I even think that eating three meals on time at a table is very imposing. Just eat when you're hungry, man!) This is a major conflict with socials (specifically social J's) that I've lived with. (Not just the meal thing, but just about everything "for the sake of" playing a certain part in a group.)
    This is pretty hilarious to me, because my ISFJ mom is either sp/so or so/sp, and she emphasizes the importance of eating dinner together as a family. I have a more similar attitude to yours. I just don't see the vital significance of it, but to her, it's very important to the family dynamic. I don't doubt it is, but I'm just blind to it. Instead, as an sp-dom, emotional & physical comfort are paramount, which means eating at times & in ways most beneficial to your individual well-being is seen as best.
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  3. #13
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I think I'm pretty close on all 3 variants, but probably SO last (SP first, then SX). I don't really have a problem with most people unless they are too extreme and don't respect how I want to do things for myself (as long as I'm not harming others). I do like to have SO or SO-like people that I trust to tell me discretely if I'm doing something inappropriate so then I can hopefully know in the future.
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  4. #14
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm honesty in awe of them at times. They way they navigate socially seems almost magical to me. I feel like I missed the social protocol memo growing up. I'm so unaware of social dynamics in a group it can cause me to make blunders or to be very naive about "power struggles". In a group, I will tend to be unaware of "unofficial leaders", and I may step on their toes, or I will think everyone is getting along, unaware that there is an unspoken struggle between some people.

    I'm also just a loner. I'm not a "joiner" & I don't hang with a pack. I find the amount of adjusting you have to do within a group cumbersome, likely because I am so unaware of those invisible inner workings that I am clumsy. If a group is imposed on me, then I feel confined a bit; I don't grasp the unspoken "rules", and so they feel arbitrary to me and I resent them. This is when they rub me the wrong way, but otherwise, I tend to admire them from a distance.



    This is pretty hilarious to me, because my ISFJ mom is either sp/so or so/sp, and she emphasizes the importance of eating dinner together as a family. I have a more similar attitude to yours. I just don't see the vital significance of it, but to her, it's very important to the family dynamic. I don't doubt it is, but I'm just blind to it. Instead, as an sp-dom, emotional & physical comfort are paramount, which means eating at times & in ways most beneficial to your individual well-being is seen as best.
    Yeah, missed the memo, exactly it. I'm married to a social type and it can for sure be rough sometimes. He feels a lot of social obligation and values socializing. I value my alone and one on one time. He rarely wants to hang out with just me. It's always, ' who else can we invite over?' I'd say the social vs whatever my deal is dynamic is the greatest source of conflict for us.

  5. #15
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm honesty in awe of them at times. They way they navigate socially seems almost magical to me. I feel like I missed the social protocol memo growing up. I'm so unaware of social dynamics in a group it can cause me to make blunders or to be very naive about "power struggles". In a group, I will tend to be unaware of "unofficial leaders", and I may step on their toes, or I will think everyone is getting along, unaware that there is an unspoken struggle between some people.

    I'm also just a loner. I'm not a "joiner" & I don't hang with a pack. I find the amount of adjusting you have to do within a group cumbersome, likely because I am so unaware of those invisible inner workings that I am clumsy. If a group is imposed on me, then I feel confined a bit; I don't grasp the unspoken "rules", and so they feel arbitrary to me and I resent them. This is when they rub me the wrong way, but otherwise, I tend to admire them from a distance.



    This is pretty hilarious to me, because my ISFJ mom is either sp/so or so/sp, and she emphasizes the importance of eating dinner together as a family. I have a more similar attitude to yours. I just don't see the vital significance of it, but to her, it's very important to the family dynamic. I don't doubt it is, but I'm just blind to it. Instead, as an sp-dom, emotional & physical comfort are paramount, which means eating at times & in ways most beneficial to your individual well-being is seen as best.
    I'm glad you understood me about the dinner table thing. (As I didn't want to make this a discussion about how SO's all make you eat at the dinner table, that would be ludacris). It has to do with any rules or social "boundaries" applied. (They seem like boundaries to me.) I don't want to come off as this big rebellion either. It's just the "memo" that you talked about... yea, missed that one, too. I don't relate to being a loner, though. Simply one individual surrounded by other individuals. Not one individual as part of a group. I guess if everyone were like us, the world would be a falling apart place, to say the least.

    (Edit: I guess that their way could be a lot more beneficial. If we're self preservational, then they would be "group preservational" and things could be secure and comfortable in a broader sense.)

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I think I'm pretty close on all 3 variants, but probably SO last (SP first, then SX). I don't really have a problem with most people unless they are too extreme and don't respect how I want to do things for myself (as long as I'm not harming others). I do like to have SO or SO-like people that I trust to tell me discretely if I'm doing something inappropriate so then I can hopefully know in the future.
    Thank you for confirming my decent people reading skills.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Yeah, missed the memo, exactly it. I'm married to a social type and it can for sure be rough sometimes. He feels a lot of social obligation and values socializing. I value my alone and one on one time. He rarely wants to hang out with just me. It's always, ' who else can we invite over?' I'd say the social vs whatever my deal is dynamic is the greatest source of conflict for us.
    When I dated a strong SO, I felt the same way! Not about the alone time, but I wanted it to be me, him, and our friends. He seemed to view things in terms of "us" and where we are in the world according to "them." (Our friends, society in general.) He rated us in terms of groups. I rated myself in terms of how comfortable/ happy I am. And he was responsible for himself. Seems really conflicting to me.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    so/sx people seem to be into social duty and serving their country and I'm thinking "hell no, I'm not gonna go die for a country. I didn't even choose to be born here in the first place. why should I have to be subserviant to this socially reinforced illusion you call a society" I don't usually say this outloud, but occasionally I do
    So/sx is sometimes called "The Best Friend":

    Quote Originally Posted by Ocean Moonshine website
    soc/sx
    This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends. This type's motivation is to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."

    Examples of soc/sx: Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, Howard Stern, Margaret Cho, Jack McFarland from "Will & Grace"
    The bolded seems to match the whole "serving the country as a semi-anonymous soldier" thing. Less rallying, more shooting. Plus, from what films have taught me, being in the army is a veritable pathway to bromance.

  7. #17
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Once again, reading a thread like this just makes me even more confused about whether or not I'm really SO/SP variant. I agree with much of what the SO lasters are saying. Anyone on here think I'm not SO/SP?

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    How do you feel about people with a strong social variant?

    I don't mind them in regular life, but found that living with them can make me uncomfortable. Seeing as I don't have the ability to do anything for the sake of a group. (I even think that eating three meals on time at a table is very imposing. Just eat when you're hungry, man!) This is a major conflict with socials (specifically social J's) that I've lived with. (Not just the meal thing, but just about everything "for the sake of" playing a certain part in a group.)
    Yep.

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yes, I can agree with that whole thing. I don't understand a lot of social rules. In a group social setting, I just do whatever because I don't like to be disliked. But regarding odd social rules like not putting your elbows on the table or getting dressed on a day off when you're staying inside, (many SO housemates have asked me about that one), or having to stand up when company comes in.... The list goes on and on. They make me feel so inappropriate all the time.

    Edit: Or the age old "up all night" conversation. "Why did you stay up all night?"
    Well my internal value system never mentioned an appropriate time to go to bed, that's why. "Well now we can't eat breakfast at the same time." oh well.
    Yes to all this too.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    If they have some sx in there (I mean, either first or second) I'm fine with them, I think they're fun and inclusive. Oftentimes though, when they are either sp-so or so-sp, I can't help but thinking about them as being excessively tied to social expectations - not etiquette or caring about everyone in a given group, but rather large-scale trends in societies which I personally consider as meaningless.
    I'm not excessively tied to social expectations.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Yep. I just don't care. I feel no need for community. A couple of good friends who get me is just fine. Public worship,neighborhood associations, school activities, etc, so not there. Team sports/ playing on a team I've never been able to do, either. Who throws what? How do we integrate together?
    I relate to this as well. I'd much rather have a couple of good friends that get me than be part of a larger community that doesn't suit me. I don't mind some social organizations and school activities with people who share my interests and values but if they don't, I'm not likely to enjoy it much. I'm not a team sports person either. I'm too focused on myself and my own performance. Sports like softball is easier because people have a definite position to play but something like volleyball, I don't pick up well on the dynamics between players. How do you know when you should go for the ball or let a teammate get it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    so/sx people seem to be into social duty and serving their country and I'm thinking "hell no, I'm not gonna go die for a country. I didn't even choose to be born here in the first place. why should I have to be subserviant to this socially reinforced illusion you call a society" I don't usually say this outloud, but occasionally I do
    Yep. I could care less about serving my country and I'd never voluntarily die for it.


    Anyone still think I could be a so/sp? The thing is, I'm not sure what other stacking fits. I'm not a SX first either. Maybe SP/SO?
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  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Yep. I just don't care. I feel no need for community. A couple of good friends who get me is just fine. Public worship,neighborhood associations, school activities, etc, so not there. Team sports/ playing on a team I've never been able to do, either. Who throws what? How do we integrate together?
    hmm sounds more like an so/sp thing, I care less about team sports or school activities, as for etiquette, well I think there are agreed upon standards, but I don't have a strong urge to obey them completely or feel they are mandatory, as long as the person is not an asshole or some douche, I'm not going to complain.

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    Once again, reading a thread like this just makes me even more confused about whether or not I'm really SO/SP variant. I agree with much of what the SO lasters are saying. Anyone on here think I'm not SO/SP?



    Yep.



    Yes to all this too.



    I'm not excessively tied to social expectations.



    I relate to this as well. I'd much rather have a couple of good friends that get me than be part of a larger community that doesn't suit me. I don't mind some social organizations and school activities with people who share my interests and values but if they don't, I'm not likely to enjoy it much. I'm not a team sports person either. I'm too focused on myself and my own performance. Sports like softball is easier because people have a definite position to play but something like volleyball, I don't pick up well on the dynamics between players. How do you know when you should go for the ball or let a teammate get it?



    Yep. I could care less about serving my country and I'd never voluntarily die for it.


    Anyone still think I could be a so/sp? The thing is, I'm not sure what other stacking fits. I'm not a SX first either. Maybe SP/SO?


    hmm maybe sp/so, I've noticed with so/sp's there's a want to network/social climb, and idk don't really see that with you. maybe being an Introvert and an SO changes things a bit?.

  10. #20
    Whisky Old & Women Young Speed Gavroche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    so/sx people seem to be into social duty and serving their country and I'm thinking "hell no, I'm not gonna go die for a country. I didn't even choose to be born here in the first place. why should I have to be subserviant to this socially reinforced illusion you call a society" I don't usually say this outloud, but occasionally I do
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