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  1. #1
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Default Self Preservational Doms

    This thread on close friendships and how long people have had them got me questioning, I lose contact with just about everyone in my life, I rarely expect a friendship will last for longer than me and the other person are conveniently socialising together. So I wanna know what other sp doms friendship history is like?

    What's your stacking, and how many close friendships do you have?

    I'm curious about things like how long the friendships have lasted, what efforts you put in to maintain them, how often friends drop off because you don't put in effort, how close you allow them to get to you and how well you think they know you.

  2. #2
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I'm sp/sx and have 1 close friend and several acquaintences
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  3. #3
    your resident asshole
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    Sp/so and 0 close friends, but I do have the "people I talk to." We're not close at all, just casual friends.

    Though I have had friends that have lasted for several years, but when we lose touch, I make no effort to find them. I used to have different friends every year, but know I'm finding it harder and harder to make friends.

  4. #4
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    sp/sx. I'd guess that'd be more an ENP thing than an sp thing, Sir Kasperpants. Or maybe some mix thereof. But that's just my guess.

    I have 3 friends I consider close, primarily because I'll tell them anything and feel like they usually understand me reasonably well. I've been friends with all three of them for about ten years. I knew all three for at least a year before feeling close to them. While I interact with all three regularly via email, livejournal and/or PMs (I'm hard of hearing, so I don't like talking on the phone)- one of them I haven't seen in four years, another one I only see about once a year and the third I see about once a month. But somehow the time doesn't have any major effect.

    There are a few people with whom not talking/interacting for several months at a time has taken a toll, and I don't consider myself close to them anymore because we don't understand each other anywhere near as well as we once did. I still keep in contact with them, though. I like hearing about stuff going on in their lives, probably because of nostalgia for the connection we once had, but I just don't connect as well with them anymore.

    In short: once I feel close to someone, I like to keep them around- and even if we aren't particularly close anymore I generally don't like to lose touch altogether. Except for sig. others- that's an exception.
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  5. #5
    All Natural! All Good!
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    I also lose contact, and don't attempt to initiate new contact. I get bored easily and move on, leaving people thinking I'm ignoring them/ don't like them.

    sp/so. I have no real close friendships, a few acquaintances that are basically people I make small talk to. The longest one has lasted almost 3 years. But it's not really a friendship. I don't try to maintain things at all, it's up to the other person, and I usually find their contact/ desire to 'hang out' with me kind of restricting. They don't know me at all. They think they do. (Ugh.) We pretty much only talk at all because we attend the same university and take many of the same courses. When we graduate/ go our separate ways, I don't intend to maintain contact.
    Strychnine is all-natural,
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  6. #6
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    sp / sx(?)

    Have two close friends, although one is my lover I still include her. They both know me pretty well as I've laid everything out on the table for them over years.

    Usually people don't make it to BFF status because it's rare to have a person fit the criteria so well. Kind of like running people through a fine sand sifter. If I don't see them connecting so well or I have no room for them they don't hear from me very often. Even immediate family members. It's hard for me to keep in contact with people that aren't the right fit. If I do see these people I'm still happy to see them though. I talk to my Dad about 3-6 times a year now and see him maybe once every 2-3 years but I'm alright if I don't think about it much. I feel guilty when I do, though. Cause I think that I've neglected distanced people I shouldn't to save energy, and what will I do when they are gone...?

  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    I will bond for a bit, not talk for a few months, think of them, and decide whether or not I really want to talk to them. I am kind of like an "out of sight, out of mind" person. I have ONE close friend, that's it. Even then, I don't feel all that close to her because I don't really tell her my problems.

  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'm sp/sx.

    I have a decent amount of longtime friends - at least 5. As for close friends though, outside of my family & boyfriend, I'd say I have maybe 2-3 friends I'd call close, max, and they aren't even what I would have called close many years ago (my standards used to be higher....but childhood best friends are on another level, IMO).

    Most of my longtime friendships have lasted so long because the other person makes effort to keep in touch. I admit that I am bad about that.... I think about people sometimes (but can also be very "out of sight, out of mind"), but I am not good about calling or making plans to do stuff. I'm not one to call someone just to talk, and since I tend to be spontaneous, I often find myself just doing stuff on my own. I'm a bit of a lone wolf by nature. I have improved in recent years, but I have a ways to go.

    The other reasons I stay in contact is these individuals' families are friends with my family or they exist in some other sphere I generally am involved with (ie. church), so I see them frequently enough with having to initiate much contact myself.

    I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length, but if I begin to feel safe, then I am open to letting them get close & I do have a desire for that. Most people don't really want to be that close though, or again, maybe my idea of close is much more intense (probably the sx side of me). I imagine a close friend is someone you can tell just about anything to, who is unwaveringly loyal, who gets you at your core, etc, and I can't say I feel that way about most people. Because of that, I don't feel most of my current friends know me very deeply, but they have gotten past the surface INFP mask (which is a sort of neutral, mildly pleasant, but still aloof demeanor). There are a few who I'd say know me well though, in the sense that I feel the generally understand me & I feel I can trust them with a lot.
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  9. #9
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    Sp/so and 0 close friends, but I do have the "people I talk to." We're not close at all, just casual friends.

    Though I have had friends that have lasted for several years, but when we lose touch, I make no effort to find them. I used to have different friends every year, but know I'm finding it harder and harder to make friends.
    Do you find that some people consider you a friend and you don't know where to go from there so it dwindles off?


    Quote Originally Posted by Snuggletron View Post
    sp / sx(?)

    Have two close friends, although one is my lover I still include her. They both know me pretty well as I've laid everything out on the table for them over years.
    So what is your criteria to lay everything out for someone so they could get to the point of close friend?


    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I will bond for a bit, not talk for a few months, think of them, and decide whether or not I really want to talk to them. I am kind of like an "out of sight, out of mind" person. I have ONE close friend, that's it. Even then, I don't feel all that close to her because I don't really tell her my problems.
    See now if there was a type out there I would stereotype as serious friend gathers it would be ExFJs! What stops that connection to people that would class them as close friends and what holds you back from telling her your problems? I understand the sp/so stuff I'm just curious about your experiences.


    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    sp/sx. I'd guess that'd be more an ENP thing than an sp thing, Sir Kasperpants. Or maybe some mix thereof. But that's just my guess.

    In short: once I feel close to someone, I like to keep them around- and even if we aren't particularly close anymore I generally don't like to lose touch altogether. Except for sig. others- that's an exception.
    Maybe it's something that can be linked to sp/so/sx types as opposed to sp/sx/so types? Looking at the responses so far sx last vs sx second is a dividing factor.

    I agree that the losing contact with people does tend to be a somewhat common (although not strict) ENP theme. This is more than that.

    Seems to me those who have responded as sp/sx are saying that you may keep people at a distance as a general rule but there are those who make it past your guards and when they do they will be kept in your life, OrangeAppled's response spells it out quite clearly and is how I envision sp/sx's in general, while those who are sp/so are more likely to keep the guard up, I see strychnine's post as representative of that. As they are both IxFP types the difference seems quite distinct.

    It's not so much that I have a guard, I have a desire to be independent more than anything, I'll be open with anyone and everyone who doesn't show malicious intent but revealing something personal to them holds little significance to me in terms of feeling a bond with them. But I think the biggest thing is I don't know what to do after someone decides we are friends and I like them good enough to be down with that.

    PS I could read your posts all day, and it's not just cause you called me Sir Kasperpants!!

  10. #10
    Whisky Old & Women Young Speed Gavroche's Avatar
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    Hum, Self-pres last and very few close friend as well. But is'nt it a rule that "true close friends" are few by nature?
    EsTP 6w7 Sx/Sp

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