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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tabula's Avatar
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    What about being complimented for how you when you're at/do something when at your best - some mixture of your own positive traits and those of the type you integrate to?

    For instance, a compliment about my "serenity" or "peacefulness" sounds more like an acknowledgment of obvious traits versus a compliment. But if, when I'm in my zone, stepping out on a limb, taking some risks, and feeling great about it, someone were to compliment my motivation or achievements, it would seriously mean a lot. A mixture of both of those'd make me

    But maybe this is precisely what makes me a 9.

  2. #12
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Perfect compliment for a six: Assuring them of your love during and after a freak out. That earns a lot of trust and prevents future freak outs, because usually the episode is testing your loyalty in the first place, even if it feels like an attack or breakdown to you.
    What about in cases of friendships with a 6? Assuring that no matter what, you're there for them?

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    I think you are on to something Indy. For example...if someone called me thoughtful I would kinda be thinking ???

    But if someone said to me...I love being with you. We might be doing the most routine of things, yet you make everything so fun...I would be
    And though I might find a compliment like that sweet... it wouldn't really do it for me. I'd feel as though they were missing some bigger picture of me.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I don't know what the perfect compliment for an 8 would be but someone once said I was "passionate" and "compassionate". It is probably the best compliment I've had. I still remember them speaking the words and that was about 7 years ago.
    I could see that for an 8.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tabula View Post
    What about being complimented for how you when you're at/do something when at your best - some mixture of your own positive traits and those of the type you integrate to?

    For instance, a compliment about my "serenity" or "peacefulness" sounds more like an acknowledgment of obvious traits versus a compliment. But if, when I'm in my zone, stepping out on a limb, taking some risks, and feeling great about it, someone were to compliment my motivation or achievements, it would seriously mean a lot. A mixture of both of those'd make me

    But maybe this is precisely what makes me a 9.
    So, as a 9, you'd like to be recognized for stepping outside of your typical boundaries? I suppose the 4 equivalent of a 9 being called "calm" would be someone calling me sensitive. Well, duh! Leave me alone about it!
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  3. #13
    Senior Member Tabula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    So, as a 9, you'd like to be recognized for stepping outside of your typical boundaries? I suppose the 4 equivalent of a 9 being called "calm" would be someone calling me sensitive. Well, duh! Leave me alone about it!
    Exactly.


    Maybe I'm wrong, though. Your ideal compliments don't sound especially 1ish, and other fours have echoed that here as well. (But maybe, just BEING a four, your ideal compliments would necessarily be unique to each of you - even if you are all fours. )

    But this:
    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I don't know what the perfect compliment for an 8 would be but someone once said I was "passionate" and "compassionate". It is probably the best compliment I've had. I still remember them speaking the words and that was about 7 years ago.
    8-->2. That's what it sounds like to me.

    I'd be interested to know if this has already been covered somewhere in enneagram literature. Admittedly, I don't know much about it, but this seems like something that'd be sort of obvious.

  4. #14

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    I think coming from a nine angle I like compliments about how my nature affects the emotional atmosphere. Calm and active. There are others I like but they seem more Se/Fi.

  5. #15
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if these are 6 things, and in some respects they are more reassurance than compliments. But I like:

    -You're very kind
    -You have good friends around you because you are a good friend to them
    -The fact that X person treated you badly/unkindly/thoughtlessly is much more to do with them, than with you - there is nothing wrong with you
    -You're a strong person, but I know that sometimes you just want to lean on someone else instead of being strong for other people all the time.

    Dammit. I feel like crying now. I'm such an idiot, but I guess I had a rough week. I really want people to lean on.
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  6. #16
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I'm not sure if these are 6 things, and in some respects they are more reassurance than compliments. But I like:

    -You're very kind
    -You have good friends around you because you are a good friend to them
    -The fact that X person treated you badly/unkindly/thoughtlessly is much more to do with them, than with you - there is nothing wrong with you
    -You're a strong person, but I know that sometimes you just want to lean on someone else instead of being strong for other people all the time.

    Dammit. I feel like crying now. I'm such an idiot, but I guess I had a rough week. I really want people to lean on.
    I know exactly how you feel...
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  7. #17
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    first thing that comes to mind "i want to be part of your world" and "i believe in you"

  8. #18
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    I liked this thread. I like sometimes being told that I DID something well -- what about you all? Do you want to be complimented on what you do or who you are?

  9. #19
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    ^more on who i am, i think... though things i did well are nice compliments as well. especially if it's in an arena i feel insecure about.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #20
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    I liked this thread. I like sometimes being told that I DID something well -- what about you all? Do you want to be complimented on what you do or who you are?
    Definitely who I am. What I did is in the past.

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