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  1. #11
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    The neutral child, active parent, definitely describes my relationship with my father as a child.

    However, I can't figure out mine and my mom's relationship at a very early age. I want to say she was a responsive parent, but I never felt smothered. Nor did I feel the need to go out of my way to grab her attention. ...or so I don't think.

    As I got older, however, say middle school, I became more active with my mother who became more neutral... and in highschool more active with both parents, I think. (But I suppose that's normal rebellion.)

    I'd rather say, I was neutral with my mother and that she was responsive... however, I failed to notice my mother's responses... but at the same time she was my safe net. So, I never felt smothered.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  2. #12
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Can you post your questions in shorthand? There's a growth throbbing on my frontal cortex so I'd like to get going.

    Go fling my head against a wall or something.

    thinking of you

  3. #13
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    This is a related thread from a while back on that article. Might be helpful.

    The Parent, The Child, And Enneagram

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  4. #14
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    I still think this sums up the inner-workings of each type better than anything:

    http://www.9types.com/writeup/Theory20.htm
    Hello

  5. #15
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    So you were an active child with your neutral father, and a neutral child with your responsive mother?
    Hmm. No. I was a neutral child with both. I don't like this theory. I still maintain that fours as children are withdrawn. I'd say they are withdrawn but yearn to be otherwise. That's why they get into artistic expression. It's a way of revealing your inner self while not coming right out and saying it. And you hope someone out there, the 'right' person/people will understand. Kind of like sending a message in a bottle. But the message is written in code.

  6. #16
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    I agree... I was pretty neutral, withdrawn, quiet, shy, in my own bubble, a lot as a child. I feel as though I've spoken with other four's that were the same.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    I was a very active child and not withdrawn at all. Up until the age of 8 I would have been mistaken for an extrovert.
    So maybe there are a lot of 4s who were withdrawn as children but I definitely wasn't one of them.
    "To find beauty in loss, hope in darkness."

  8. #18
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Interesting article.

    I guess I was a neutral child with a responsive parent which supportively results in a E5. I don't identify with the situation that results in a E4 at all though.

    I do wonder sometimes when I come across these sorts of problems, if the strange 4w3 vs 4w5 division (which doesn't seem to occur with the same level of effect in other types) has an affect on this and it isn't being considered. :confused:
    Same here. The dramatic vying for attention was NOT me, and it suggests a 3 wing to me also. I did have feelings of abandonment from one parent, but everything was internal, and I stayed withdrawn from that parent also. However, that aspect is inline with other things I've read about what parenting leads to a enneagram type. 4s often have a sense of being rejected/abandoned by one parent, so that their self-worth is questioned, which leads to the need to create a unique identity separate from the parent to assert their worth.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    That definition for a four child makes little sense to me. Four is a withdrawn type. Fours want attention but expect others to intuitively understand their needs. I would say that the feelings are right on, that's pretty much how I felt in regards to my father, but I didn't act out like that- don't act out like that. I expect him to read my mind.

    I'd say the type five relationship is what I had/have with my mother.
    I can relate to this also. Even now, I sort of expect my dad to read my mind. I never go to him for anything, tell him how I feel, etc. I'm very blank with him, keeping him at arm's length. I'm FAR from being a drama queen....

    So this rings true, but the rest does not:

    The Neutral caretaker will typically ignore the child's emotional needs, making the youngster feel frustrated, misunderstood and possibly abandoned. Sometimes the child turns these negative feelings inwardly, believing that they are unlovable and not special enough to deserve attention.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #19
    brainheart
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    Yes, OrangeAppled, that's the part I related to as well. I've been thinking about this far too much and I think something to consider might be that an introverted active child might feel these things/feel this way, but not manifest it externally. It might explain why people who know me, especially superficially, would be more inclined to consider me a five, a neutral type, but that's just because my active world is internal- which is not surprising for someone whose dominant function is introverted feeling.

    On that note, if I am to consider myself an active child, my relationship with my mother would lead to a seven attitude (active/responsive). Apparently the relationship with my father (or lack thereof) affected me more. But the things they say about sevens...

    The Responsive parent is sympathetic and loving, thus stimulating the child's playful, self-expressive side and giving him a good deal of personal freedom.
    and

    such a child may later... avoid investing time and effort into long-term goals.
    are pretty true.

  10. #20
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
    I was a very active child and not withdrawn at all. Up until the age of 8 I would have been mistaken for an extrovert.
    So maybe there are a lot of 4s who were withdrawn as children but I definitely wasn't one of them.
    Interesting... I suppose there are multiple routes to an outcome.

    I wonder how they came about this information...
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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